I came out in April, 2008. My family, has had almost three years to try and understand all this.
I've offered all the information I could find and done everything I could to help my Mother understand.
But she won't.
Just when I think I've satisfied every argument for why I shouldn't be Transsexual and found peace for awhile, she has to say something that ruins my day. I was talking about a friend that wanted me to come over, meet her husband and have dinner. My Mom's response: "Don't you think that would be a little awkward, you sitting down with a woman and her husband? He might be suspect of your intentions."
So I'm still a man to her, apparently.
She's the one who brought me to the hospital when I tried to castrate myself yet she still considers me a guy. UGGHHH! She really makes me want to scream when she says things like this.. When I start to cry she says I'm too sensitive. I told her to lie next time so that maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. She claims that she can't help that she drops pronouns, even when talking to my kids. It's not that she's incapable of understanding.... it's that she WON'T! She's an obsessive-compulsive, armchair catholic hoarder with social phobia. I'm the only one of three children who looks out for her, who makes it a point to spend time with her (they've washed their hands of her.) She's 76. I want to be here for her to take care of her when she can't take care of herself but I don't know how long I can do this. I love her but I don't like her.
I think that the only reason she's helping me fund GRS is to prevent me from hurting myself. I want to be grateful; I desperately want to have a healthy relationship with her but with every month that goes by I feel a little more incapable of being around her. How do I stop myself from eventually hating her?
I guess this was more of a rant than anything else but I needed to get it out.
