MTF: Did you join the military or police to 'man up'?

[cynthialee]

One of the reasons I joined the Army many many years ago was to make a man out of myself. Obviously this plan failed. LOL I was ruthlessly tormented by the other soldiers until I blew up one day. They ussed this blow up to chapter me out of the military.

I was wondering how many of the mid life and late in lifers joined the military to avoid or cover up the inner truth that they were a woman. How did it turn out for you?

[E]

Actually, I did rather the opposite - I left the military as soon as I could, and still hate them.

[Janet_Girl]

Back when I was really dumb and naive, I join the Army to man up and because my country was at war.  Viet Nam was going on and I wanted to do my part.  Maybe I was secretly hoping I would get killed over there.

But they found the birth defect in my back and I was discharged 1F, unfit for medical reasons.  A few years later, I got that changed to 1A and joined the Navy.  This time it was to man up and get the benefits.  Try as hard as I could I never made it.  Birth defect again and this time I was classified 4F, unfit for military service period.

[RachelH]

Yep sure did! As already said by Dee I too maned up on the outside but was left even more confused on the inside. I think it caused a much wider gap between my true self and the percieved self that other people saw.

[tekla]

I junked most of that social expectation stuff at an early age and as the saying went then "Turned on, tuned in and dropped out."  I loved the hippies and the hippies loved me back, girls clothing and all.  The closest I came to going into the service was Anti-war protests.  And be a cop?  Your kidding.  I went to the university, buried myself in the library and settled for that.

[Devlyn]

For me it was more about growing up, 24 years passed from the time I left the service until the first time I crossdressed. @ Janet, trying to get in twice counts as serving as far as I'm concerned! Big hugs, Tracey

[Joelene9]

To me, it was a blanket denial. I didn't join the Navy to 'Man-up'. There was the Vietnam war going and I joined to serve my country. I served on an aircraft carrier away from the Vietnam war area doing Cold War thingies. When I got out, the Vietnam war was over and the TG anxiety came back in spades! I wouldn't trade my Navy experience for anything.
Joelene, Honorably Discharged Veteran.

[PiperEden]

Being only 19, I didn't and haven't and don't intend to! I think the people that want to should and if they think they will be productive there it is for them! I personally have never wanted to "man up" the closest things I could compare that too was the few times I did an activity with my dad to make him happy. But even then I was afraid of "bulking up" (there was typically a lot of lifting lol) and becoming MORE masculine externally... :/ that is still an ever present fear!

[Pinkfluff]

I used to want to join the military but not to "man up" or anything, because I'm a warrior at heart and want to do something meaningful. I still would if I didn't know I'd be immediately rejected.

[Princess Rachel]

I joined the Air Training Corps when I was a teenager because I wanted to fly planes, but I left because it was really not for me, I'm way too lefty pinko and lazy for all that stuff and besides it turned out I didn't like flying all that much anyway.

[annette]

They put me into the army in 1972, there was no way to escape.
In that time boys had to go in the army for 18 months.
After three days they kicked me out of the military service, they didn't think that there was a possibility that I would become a soldier.

So, yeah, I joined the army for 3 days.

A veteranhug
annette

[janetcgtv]

I voted no as I could never man up. as a male i'm a sissy.
Which means I'm effeminate.

Effeminate means:
1. I'm like a woman (feel like a woman on the inside)
2. Unmanly
3. Homosexual
I meet all 3 conditions

Even if I did the most dangerous tasks if I had been in Viet Nam . Was 1-Y in draft status.
all I would have to do is walk in front of a dress store and wish I was wearing it
Lied about wearing women's clothes but told the truth about not having sex with men. If they had asked about do I want to have sex with men I would have lied.

I wasn't trying to man up , just serve my country.
Wearing women's clothes and sex with men were questions that where asked of all draftees

[Beth Andrea]

I knew I'd sign up (USAF), it was just a matter of when. And yes, the main reason was to prove to myself that I could do it...to "man up".

Timing was decided by economic necessity, and a step-dad who kept reminding me that I'd never actually sign up.

I lasted 6 years before getting kicked out for not fitting in. Just could not adapt to the World of Men.

[Michaela Whimsy]

I guess people always thought I was a little "soft", so I guess I wanted to prove to myself I wasn't. 

It's funny though, how much you learn to put on a show in the Marines.  The iconic look of a Marine, the demeanor, the everything, they smash it into "your brain housing group".  It was like having a guide book to how to fit into social scenarios and life.

After the Marine Corps though (5years in almost 6 years since), I still hate the "You're a Marine you should be able.....( enter assinine male action here)".  The "manning up" makes me want to "dress up" that much more.  To be female inside and expected to be male is terrible, but add what some people hold up as step above man and have that be your bar to be expected to be at is worse.  I try not to even tell many people about my time any more.

Soooorry! Didn't mean to spill out a giant derailing rant...  It just had to come out!

[Zoe the Obscure]

I got rejected from the New Zealand Army due to a history of mild asthma.  I think we might have higher standards than other countries, but i am not sure?  Anyway it worked out well, i hate armies, violence, and authority, it would have been hell for me.

[RockerGirl]

Michaela, I felt the same way. Still do, it became my defense mechanism. I still hide behind all of that, no emotions allowed stone exterior. But it's finally gotten to the point where I can't fight against who I want to be anymore. But to answer the question I enlisted to either be "cured" of my feelings or die in combat because that would've been easier.

[Myarkstir]

Its missing an answer: No wasy in hell

[Jessica Merriman]

I joined the Sheriff's Department hoping to get shot so I would not have to deal with being trans. I am glad I didn't though as I really love my life now. Isn't acceptance great! 

[Jill F]

Not me.  I needed weed too badly and loved having long hair.

I do know someone who told herself that if she survived three tours in Iraq, she would transition after coming home.

Survive Iraq, get a rack.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Not me.  I needed weed too badly and loved having long hair.

Well, if I had it to do it all over again, I would rather have the long hair (at age 15) than the weed.