MTF: Did you join the military or police to 'man up'?

[Lady Smith]

I never wanted to join the military even though my Dad had been in the air force (RNZAF), but I did work on huge trucks for a living so I guess that was just another way for me to try and 'man-up'.

[Martine A.]

No.

I tried living like a man for periods of time on several occasions though. That also counts as fighting my gender.

It made the superficial life easier, but anything below the surface including relationships sucked. I am not fighting my gender anymore, I want to be happy with myself even if no long term partner comes to my life.

[JayceeTG]

I just joined because I thought it was interesting. I knew I was gay when I went in and of course I thought all the guys were gorgeous which never prevented me from doing my job but being in the showers I would always check there bodies out when they were nude, that's what some gay guys do lol.

[Jin]

I joined up to serve. Period.
7 campaigns in 'Nam, US Navy

Never felt that I had to 'man-up' or to 'girl-up'.

I did my job well above decks, and was quite popular with the guys below decks (use your imagination).

[LizK]

Oh Yes unfortunately for me it was during one of my "Hyper masculine" phases...took up hunting and snorkelling/ Diving/ spearfishing as well...I was your all round Rambo...being a nurse kind of shattered that image in the early 80's though so what better way to fix it than to head off for 3 character building months with the NZ Territorial force.

Wished I hadn't about halfway up the first hill, on the first morning of boot camp!! Stuck it out and really enjoyed it...didn't make me any more of a man, in fact, it dehumanised me to some extent but I came out with a really valuable skill like being able to shoot you at 100 meters from the prone, kneeling and standing position!!

Liz

[Kylo]

I wish I could have joined the military proper, but of course I could not.

Not to "man up" as such.

Three reasons. One, survival training. Something bothers me about how unprepared for life or death situations most people (civvies) are, and I don't like not knowing this stuff. I can hunt out most of the info myself but there's nothing like experience.

Two, friends. I know people can make good friends under these conditions. Kind of a necessity with the people you might have to rely on with your life.

Three - well, I've always feared the worst happening, like a war situation, and unfortunately for me the only way to alleviate these fears is to actually experience them/face them. I'm one of those who tends to keep their head in crazy situations, but the monotony and creeping guilt of a dull, safe day job type life is the thing that drives me crazy. Probably comes from my childhood, things weren't stable, and sometimes not safe either. Instability was normality for me.

I'm not a fan of all things military really, I'm not a fan of war, but I can see the benefits of the experience and it bothers me to be excluded from it.

[Deborah]

That wasn't the only reason I joined but it was one of them.  The main reason at first was to get free college at one of the best schools in the country.  But once I was in the "manning up" thing did play a role in what I chose to do.  So I joined the Infantry, became a paratrooper, and then a Ranger. 

So, in a way I did man up since I proved myself.  It changed me in many ways.  But there was one thing it never did change, not even in the slightest.  I'll bet you can guess what that one thing is.  LOL.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

[Michelle_P]

I was hoping for free college, but yeah, becoming a manly man doing manly things was definitely in there. Navy, volunteered for submarines, volunteered for nuclear power plant duty, volunteered for a Special  Operations boat where you'd often find me sitting on top of a 500 Kg TORPEX scuttling charge while I tutored trainees.

Not that I did anything dangerous...


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[Kylo]

Does a 3 month trip to the Sahara in ex army trucks count? I did that. Along with 30 other people. At age 16.

I did it because it was a rare chance to get out of my cushy life and see some stuff. I was already so used to camping yearly that it was no sweat, really. (Well no, there was much sweat, and discomfort - but I don't remember being homesick at all). Some aspects were potentially pretty dangerous but that's the point, you go to challenge yourself.

I did my share of crazy things out there - exploring abandoned gold mine territory, nearly stepping on venomous snakes, nearly getting lost, experiencing heatstroke and dysentery, sleeping on ground with scorpions running around, etc.

I suppose in a sense a part of me did that to man up, haha. Another to say I've been somewhere not many people have.

[KathyLauren]

Like others, I joined the Air Force for several reasons, one of which was to "man up".  Mostly it was about getting my university education paid for, and about getting free flying lessons in jets instead of Cessnas.  But, although I was in deep denial at the time, and would remain so for many years after I got out, proving myself to be a man was one of them.  Apparently, it didn't work. 

[zamber74]

I tried, I failed miserably.  I was only in for a few weeks, before I broke down, cried in front of everyone and the drill sergeant, telling them I could not handle it.  I spent the remaining time, in shoes with no shoe laces, being harassed by others.. a few people came up to me and told me they had wished they did the same, but most people were just disgusted with me.  Sleeping in the office, by the first sergeant on a cot, to make sure I did not go through with it was horrible, people would often come in and torment me.  I remember once, waking up and someone had drawn all over my face.. oh good times..  Having other people tell me they wish I did kill myself, yay!  Though, a few did say I was brave to put up with all of that, I don't know why.

I was young and naive, it really hit me when we were training for chemical agents, I just thought of being around death and it really scared me, and it scared me to think others would be relying on me to keep them alive.  I did not get really far at all, I barely remember it because it has been about 23 years since I left.  I don't even know what sort of discharge I got.

Yeah, I failed miserably.  I don't know what I was thinking at the time, off in lala land not really thinking about what the military was really like, having lived a sheltered life away from violence.  I would have rather died, than risk the lives of others, or kill anyone else.. I'm a pacifist, never have I been in a fight, I've always sought out peace, it was a horrible decision on my part.

[Nina_Ottawa]

Sort of.
my dad "encouraged" me to join the military, telling me it'll make a man out of me. I served for five years, was released, then went to university.
I think if I were face to face with my dad today (he passed away prior to me transitioning), I would say "boy, were you wrong!"

Lol

[Lady Sarah]

I never had any intention to man up. I had been put into a situation in which becoming a 24/7 Guardian Angel became my only hope. This was back when they were considered vigilantes. Even though I was one of the more "dangerous" when it came to fighting, it was obvious how feminine I was, before I ever took any HRT. In fact, they sent me to take care of issues in the gay neighborhoods of San Francisco, because they figured I fit the bill.

Just a few months after I had to quit, due to a hip injury, I started HRT ... and never stopped. It seems my service to the community helped.

[big kim]

Was going to join the Army but Dad refused to sign as i was 16. he said it's bad enough having to work without someone shooting at you! This was early 70s when there was trouble in Ireland on a daily basis.By the time I was old enough to join on my own I didn't want to

[V M]

Odd this one would pop up again, I've been recently reflecting on the various good and bad experiences, victories won and injuries incurred - It's all good

[Dan]

I got a scholarship to join the Navy; all expenses paid electrical engineering degree. But my mother beat the crap out of me ( literally) when she found out and refused to sign the papers since I was only 16 at the time,  so I didn't take up the offer. My mother was an extreme pacifist. She later apologized profusely for beating me up for wanting to join the military, saying that my grandfather was disabled in the military and she didn't want the same happening to me.

But the attempt to join the military was a way of recognising myself as a male. I used to play tank commander as a kid sitting on a military camp bed on our balcony, commanding hundred tanks on my imaginary battlefield. My imagination ran wild and I won every battle 

Every Open Day at the nearby military base I would persuade my mother to go with me so I could get to sit in a tank and get all the free ice cream I could eat, watch Disney movies in the base cinema, and be covered by goosebumps listening to the band playing marching music. I felt at home there. But I never ended up joining the military.

[Laurie]

No, I joined the U.S.Navy for several reasons

1. My best friend asked me to join under the buddy system when he could no longer avoid the draft.
2. It was time for this young man to leave home and start to find his own way in life.
3. I wanted the education in computer career which I loved as a career.
4. It was time to grow up and be a man.

  Well 3 out of 4 isn't a bad record.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[KageNiko]

I joined the USAF for two reasons.  To support my family, and to get an education.  However, not once did I ever consider what I was doing as "Manning up" because I knew who I was, and who I was not.  I did, however, put on a mask of manning up to get through Basic training.  Once I was in tech school I took off the man-mask and never put it back on.  Instead, I replaced it with a depression+social anxiety mask that has been stuck to my face for 10+ years.  I'm slowly peeling it off, but it's taking a lot out of me.  It's like, the more I peel away that mask the harder it clings to my face.

[Dani]

I joined the Army in 1967 because I had no other choice. The Viet Nam War was building up and if you did not go to college or Canada, you got drafted. I decided to beat the draft by volunteering for an electronics job assignment, a less hazardous duty. I got sent to Viet Nam anyway. I survived a least a dozen mortar attacks. There were so many of them, I really lost count.

So what if I got killed. At least I would not have to deal with my gender dysphoria anymore.