I feel worthless, can asociate with either sexes at the moment.

[RachelH]

Well just been out with my best friend and I'm even more confused. He has always been very effeminate and has a lot of friends who are girls. I've have been dissociated from girls for a long time, he has been happy with his male hood, I haven't.  I want to connect to them the most now but know I can't because of my own denial over the years. I'm accepting who I am and want to connect like he has and more, but at the moment they just see me as a male threat and I can't get anywhere near. I wouldn't mind but I'm more interested in their clothes and their hair than anything else! I know it takes so long to overcome problems that we have been conditioned for, but I feel so low and worthless at the moment. I use to have predominantly female friends and just want to return to that feeling of sisterhood, even if it's honorary at the moment. How can I disarm this feeling of threat that they feel without been fully out'ed, or is that something I have to live with till they can see who I really am?

I don't want to be anything male anymore, and I am so disheartened that just been talkative suggests to most girls that I want them for sexual reasons. The worst thing is that I think I am bisexual, but more conditionally then I ever thought, since taking hormones my  fantasies have been distinctly female, probably mostly down to my psychological response to them  i.e. I'm allowing myself to think about men as I know ultimately where I want to be at the end of everything. How can I associate with the gender who I know I am? I hate this distinctly bipolar world we live in, why can't we just be trueful to ourselves instead of these idiotic "norms" that are set in place by "society". I just feel worthless now.

[lisaR]

IM sorry to hear your having trouble. I want to share my experience with this type of issue recently i was also very nervous about interacting as a woman as opposed to male role i had perfected over the years. After some time alone thinking on it i came to the conclusion it was no different than the social phobias most children experience when learning how to act in a group environment. In this situation children tend to overcome there fear by choosing someone they can get along with and emulating them until there comfort level rises. Ok that was what came to my mind so I thought try it and opened up to a casual friend that I would like to go shopping with them and to lunch, now not being out to them they assumed a date lol. This mistake of the situation on there part actually worked to relax them since we both had a laugh over this. We met  went had our day (which was more fun than i had expected, I get so nervous)

Anyway to get to point after that day we became friends who shop run errands etc. After a few weeks I began to notice how much more comfortable I was in groups of any gender. Just seems to me the more we socialize as we want to appear the more confident we become and people in general tend to want to be friends with the more confident people in a group even if strangers.

I sure hope your able to find a friend to have a day like this with.

[RachelH]

Thanks Lisa for the advice! I don't alwas feel so bad, I seem to go between feeling happy and then get the sadness. I will become happier as things progress, just feels so much of a battle everyday just to achieve what most people get given to them by right of birth.

Yep will definately find someone who I can have a girly time with soon, just been rather cautious at the moment, and hiding a little bit longer shouldn't be so bad. I do most of the time just feel like shouting who I really am, and the most liberated I have felt for a long time, was when I told so random strangers in a club. It was nice that the girls became immediatly friendly and it helped me relax a lot, and this was while still fully in male mode!