denial

[Elijah3291]

Anyone else experience denial about their female past?  When I think about having female chromosomes, breasts, ovaries, and a vagina.. I almost can't believe it.

Even seeing these things on my body, I still find it hard to believe.  I know that I have them, and I know that I lived as female for 17 years, but It seems I have pushed myself into denial about it.

anyone feel the same, or want to elaborate on the subject? I cant find the right words.

[ForWantOf]

I think I do as well, it's hard for me to get extremely upset over what's between my legs because to me it feels like it's not female, and not necessarily male at all, when in reality I know exactly what it is. And especially when it comes to things like ovaries and chromosomes, things I can't see, they don't even exist to me.
I was in such strong denial over my entire being before discovering I was trans, and it's honestly sort of helpful in my opinion, better than dwelling on these things and being upset over them.

[xAndrewx]

I kind of get it I think. My friend made a reference of when she knew me as female and before even thinking about it I said "I was never female". Before I would've just let it go and move on. For me I feel like now that I know, that I was never female that word doesn't even make sense to me if I use it referring to myself (if that makes sense)

[Sharky]

I have a hard time thinking about the current state of my body. I disconnect from the physical reality and just use the mental image of myself. I've been doing this for so long sometimes I will actually forget I'm trans. I'm also transphobic and I think these feelings will be at their worse between T and all the surgeries. I expect to be in deep denial.

[tvc15]

I do this too. Then when it catches up to me I freak out and the image I have of myself seems deformed, barely human. Like Sharky, I also get transphobic during these times which is the most awful and obnoxious way to feel. It doesn't make any sense.

[Alex201]

I have such a strong, passionate, seething, bitter hatred at my female body that I'm almost always in denial about it.

[Clay]

Anyone else experience denial about their female past?  When I think about having female chromosomes, breasts, ovaries, and a vagina.. I almost can't believe it.

yep. although all those internal things don't really bother me. i'm always for the big picture, so i just don't think about them....

Even seeing these things on my body, I still find it hard to believe.  I know that I have them, and I know that I lived as female for 17 years, but It seems I have pushed myself into denial about it.

yeah, sometimes when i showered or something and getting dressed i just think that it somehow looks "weird" what i got.

anyone feel the same, or want to elaborate on the subject? I cant find the right words.

definitely feel the same. although i don't see this things female in a way, more like strange anomalies... really hard to grasp. it's not even about male/female to me (i barely think in these categories), i just feel that i don't look the way i should.