A Rose By Any Other Name

[n00bsWithBoobs]

One thing that's been bothering me as of late is my discomfort in adopting and answering to a different name.

There was a time when I went by Josie instead of my male given name and everyone got used to calling me that until I broke up with a girl I was dating and sort of didn't hang with that crowd anymore. After that I did a purge and re-adopted my male name. Any time anyone called me Josie after that, I'd cringe. Even while I was "Josie", it didn't feel right. A friend of mine about 8 years ago called me Yumi. Before that, I had decided on Ella Josephine Taylor as my name. I guess I've never really had a name that I liked and I never really liked the one I've had as a boy.

Of course, now that I'm back to transition mode (for good), I know I'll have to have a name that's more appropriate, else I'll get funny looks. Recently, I went shopping for clothes and the girl asked for my name to put on the door. Since it's one of those that can go either way, she asked me if it was the female-spelled version or the male-spelled version. I just said it didn't matter to me. The name thing just seems so hard because there's nothing out there that feels like it's easy to embrace.

For those of you that have adopted a new moniker outside of the online realm, did you feel like this was a huge obstacle before deciding on something? Or was it just easy and natural? I guess I can't help but feel like I'll always just be a feminine looking guy instead of a woman. Yet, even that feels like an image I can't embrace.

[Just Shelly]

Yes!

I'm still not sold on my name, but I'm getting so use to it I'm starting to like it more. I think if I was out or definatly full time I would hear it more and I'm sure I would get use to it.

I went shopping for clothes and the girl asked for my name to put on the door.

I'm lost by what you mean by this?

Shelly

[Cindy]

I think it is a difficult thing.

My name came with me from childhood. I was always Cindy and I'm not sure where it came from. Someone said there was a doll called a Cindy doll that was popular when I was an infant and maybe it came from there.

I think it is important to have a name appropriate for your age. Some names are very    and are often associated with exotic dancers etc, enough said. You can get one of the baby name books and look through, but avoid the modern ones and the hackneyed ones.  Sometimes it is nice to know the meaning of the name, and that is were the books can help.

It is also a name that you want to hear, that may sound silly, but there are names I like but would hate to be called. It is a name that you will use professionally, so calling yourself Teresa Green may not work. Even though someone called their daughter that recently .

It is also interesting how it can be spelt. I remember a discussion blowing up between two female colleagues, which may have been at an emotional moment. It was, 'I'm Vicki with an 'i' if you spell it as Vicky again I will kill you.' I think there were some emotions happening.

So you need a name that you are happy with. Most people grow into their names from childhood and I think they do actually grow into their names. You need a name that you have grown into.

JMO

Cindy

[Rock_chick]

Names are strange...despite trying for my school years, i could never grow into james...it was just too alien, even though i thought i had to be james because james was a boys name and i had to be a boy at all costs (i failed miserably at that)

Picking a name can be hard...i think i was lucky, my name picked me and as soon as i'd heard it i couldn't imagine being called anything else.

[Padma]

I changed my name legally 14 years ago when I was ordained as a Buddhist - and the Sanskrit name I have is very gender-ambiguous, which is handy (I started out as Gideon, and was never at ease with that name).

As for Yoxi, I started using this as a pen name around 20 years ago, and it took me a while to realise that my bardic persona Yoxi was androgyne (it's also the name of the laughing coyote tattoo on my shoulder, also got 20 years ago, all connected). Yoxi has been my sneaky outlet for my androgyny (without even me realising it), until I no longer needed to be sneaky about it and got around to telling myself.

But I've been playing around with names since I was a teenager - I somehow managed to engineer my own nickname (is that allowed? ) and was known as Spoonbill for years, and then made that my legal surname for a while!

Names are important. (it's pronounced Yoh-ksee, by the way...)

[n00bsWithBoobs]

Thanks all. I'll have to find something I like. Cindy gave my lots to think about.

I went shopping for clothes and the girl asked for my name to put on the door.

I'm lost by what you mean by this?

Shelly

There are some shopping establishments (like Maurice's or Old Navy) where they have little dry erase boards on the dressing room door. The person working as the Gatekeeper of Gozer usually asks for your name to put on the door. I think it has to do with "better customer service," anti-shoplifting efforts, or it's a trick. I hear that once you give a demon your name, they can do awful things to you. This may not be true with Maurice's, but I'll be darned (use your imagination for a more colorful expletive) if you don't look into the eyes of an Old Navy worker and see the look of the condemned.

[regan]

I don't know where Regan appears on a list of baby names for the year I was born, and I don't care, it represents me and its not a drag name.  My mom metioned, off hand, that she liked the name Olive the other day.  I thought about it for a minute and its clearly not me.

[Serra]

I had a name I liked, and then started dating my current girlfriend...who had the same name.  XP  Thankfully, one day she called me her angel, and while that was bizarre and I'm glad she doesn't do that anymore, it did give me my current name.  Plus it carries a bit of nerd cred which is always nice.
I think we all have our own little hangups about transition, and if you're name is yours, then I think you're pretty lucky.  I hope you find a name you like!

[MarinaM]

My male name is Ryan, and here where I live there are two girls I've met named Ryan. I could go by either name, but I felt like people seeing me as Ryan the woman was not gonna happen. These other girls were considerably younger than me. It has been difficult. I want a name like Hero or something, but that's too Shakespeare. Emma fits.

[Debra]

For me it was rather natural. I got used to Jerica and it really stuck well I think.

On the other hand, any time I heard my old name, I'd still turn my head and it used to annoy the crap out of me lol

[Nigella]

I chose the female version of my given male name and then my mum and dad and friends decided they didn't like it that much and started to call me by a short version of it. So it kind of got shortened and I like the short version which is different from the long version. I hope that makes sense. I'm not going to say it on a public forum, lol. A bit like ELizabeth being called Beth. So the end of my chosen name has become my name, except at work where they use my full name, lol.

Convoluted I know but hey you asked, lol.

Stardust

[Serra]

On the other hand, any time I heard my old name, I'd still turn my head and it used to annoy the crap out of me lol

Ugh, I still do that!  I'm making a very conscious effort to suppress any signs of responding to the name but if I'm very distracted I often mess up.

[CathyF]

A lot of people have asked me how I picked my name (Cathy) and I don't really have a good answer. I just considered various names and picked one that I thought sounded nice. Some things I considered including maintaining my initials, and picking a name that didn't have a male version. (I didn't want my name to have an obvious connection to any name typically used by males.) Once I decided on a name, I just stuck with it. I used it exclusively (before I went "full time", there were a few exceptions, but actually not very many) and asked everybody who knew me before to use it. I think by not reconsidering my choice of name, and immediately switching over to using it as full as possible, I made it pretty easy to get used to being referred to by that name. It's less than a year since I picked my new name now and it would already be majorly cringe-worthy for me to be referred to by my old name at all.

I started my transition about ten months ago and I've been "full time" for a couple months. When I was earlier in my transition, I used to have experiences like the original post describes with not being sure what name to give -- I really didn't want to give my old name (and I never did), but I wasn't sure how people would react to my new name since I wasn't that confident. So at first I deflected inquiries into my name, but I found that very grating. Eventually I just decided to start affirmatively identifying with my new name at every possible chance. It was very gratifying and I never received any adverse reactions. (I've been very lucky in that respect; I know a lot of people do get adverse reactions throughout their transitions.)

[pebbles]

It was very tricky I mean it's only going to forever  brand and give others a first impression of who you are for AS LONG AS YOU SHALL LIVE!

In that situation how do you pick one?
When I was a kid I had a "secret" name for myself which was Amy but by the time I'd transitioned I didn't like it because It didn't have enough letters.
Putting it out of my mind I thought my mother would name me unfortunately she wasn't accepting ¬.¬ and my dad made rather poor suggestions.

Eventually my friends named me Alice when they disliked my dads suggestions. And that's the name I adopted.

So yeah I couldn't make the decision myself... :/ I had to get the people I care about make it for me I have no idea what I would have done if they'd all rejected me upon coming out.

[SurlyCat]

It was a pretty easy choice for me. My female name is Charlotte, but a lot of people call me Charlie. Charlie is a pretty unisex name, I'm already called it a lot of the time, and I respond to it without having to learn a new name.

[Radar]

I was lucky in that my birth first name is unisex with the male spelling. I did change my middle name though- waaay too feminine. So, I go by both. Family and people who knew me before still use my first name but in new surroundings I've started using my middle name more. Many people have said my new middle name suits me well, even though it's not a common name. But, it's also not an extremely weird or "suspicious" name either.

[jodi]

 

[Anaeta_Desiree]

I chose at first a female version of my male name, but never really felt happy, something just did not "feel" right.  Back in November of last year I was talking with my mother and tested the waters so to speak by asking her what she would have named me if I had been born female... she stated if she had had a daughter she would have named her Anaeta Desiree.. It took me a few tries to get it right as far as the pronominalization but once i got it I KNEW I had found my True Name. when a month later after my marriage exploded and ended and I made the decision to transition I started using it from day 1.  while most people have no problem, some do and so I also go by Anna for short. The only person who insists on calling me by my former name is the ex-wife which i let slide.  People who know me know that when I went full time (also from day 1) why I do not go by my male name as much as possible as to me that was a "trigger" to my former self who was NOT a nice person and they much prefer dealing with Anaeta.  By years end It will be my legal name as well.

[Cindy]

Ugh, I still do that!  I'm making a very conscious effort to suppress any signs of responding to the name but if I'm very distracted I often mess up.

Exactly the opposite there are about five woman I work with at various places, and when someone calls out for Cindy I invariably react
But I think I'm sort of being 'outed' anyway

Cindy

[Keroppi]

There weren't much to choose for me. When I first moved to the UK at 11, I had very briefly used the boy English name my nursery school teacher gave me. Pretty quickly I had reverted to using my foreign name (Anglicized spelling of it anyway). Being a foreign name, I had alternatively used and been referred to by my initial. The initial of my first name just so happen to pronounced almost the same as a popular girls name. In fact, I had once worked with a girl with that name, and it wasn't unusual for both of us to turn our head if either one of us was being called out.

As such, it was pretty easy for me to simply adopt this name I have now. The only question was whether to formally change it or not, or just stick with my foreign name on official documents. Being known in so many places both online and in person by my initial, it was then just a case of picking out a middle name so that I kept the same initial, and that was pretty quick as well. I just have to make sure I know how to spell my middle name .