The BIG year! :D

[PrincessCL]

Holy macaroni, but time does flyyyyyyy!

This time last year, I THOUGHT I was dating a very pretty boy! 3 years and goin' strong!

Come to find out, said pretty boy was actually a self-proclaimed "closet ->-bleeped-<-."

So he says to me "I wanna be pretty," in much more elegant terms. He says he wants to be true to himself and finally stop the futile attempts to be what his parents tried to pound into him.

Fast forward a couple months of crying myself to sleep, total confusion, anger and dismay. Fast forward the therapy sessions and meetings with his counselor and the questions of "should we change your name" and "but how in the world will we make babies?" and we arrive here.

Last week he says this one will be the big year. I confess, I wasn't expecting this to actually happen. Not in a million years. I don't like girls, of course, and was quite looking forward to having a "normal family." But it's amazing how things change when you stop and realize just where your hopes and dreams came from. Did I want to be a wife or did I want a husband and 2 1/2 kids or did I want to just go along with society's role for me? Did I really hate the idea of transition or did I hate how I KNEW people would react?

I'm not a lesbian. I didn't appreciate being treated like one. What I am, however, is deeply in love with and devoted to him. And I think that trumps... well, just about everything.

SO. He's graduated and starting his new job. We're making plans to get pregnant in August and to start his HRT shortly after!

XD It's almost like we'll both be pregnant! The hormones shall fly!

With all this in mind, what advice would you guys offer? What should I be prepared and look out for? Hidden costs? Side effects? Valium?

That last one was a joke.

So far I've

-Started exercising regularly. (gotta be healthy for the baby!)
-Opened up a savings account.
How much money do you think we should save for his stuff alone? He wants laser treatments for the hair on his face, and I'm guessing he'll need to change his diet during the actual transition. He doesn't eat very healthy, and I'm worried about issues with fat distribution. Perhaps we shall both go on a diet?
-buckled down in my college load. (Gotta be done before the baby gets here!)

Oddly enough, all of this has driven me to really change myself. I've learned so much and I feel like I wasted a bunch of time sitting on my rear!

What else shall I do to prepare for the transition?

-Note: the wedding will be next year, when we can both fit our dresses. XD
I'll worry about that later!
-Also: Please don't suggest I stop addressing him with masculine pronouns. He prefers them.

[spacial]

I so wish I could give you a load of advice. Sadly, I'm not there yet.

But I can suggest a couple of things to prepare yourself for, based upon the experiences of others, related her, and my own.

1). Be prepared for a happier and more contented person, at peace with himself. Speaking as someone, from your descriptions, who has a not dissimilar background, I can tell you that his transision will come as a relief. The problem with having to be a fake man is having to prove it. Now I realise that, as a woman, who married this man, you don't think he has anything to prove. You see him as all man. To that extent, he is. But like it or not, you were drawn to someone who is struggling. Someone who is female inside. That doesn't make you lesbian for a moment. But it does demonstrate that what will come out, will continue to be as attractive to you as it ever was.

2). Be prepared for a partner who will support you more than most male partners do.

Can I suggest you look into freezing some sperm for later? I get the feeling you're a really nice person who is going to love being a mom.

[Ruby]

Hi PrincessCL,
Ruby here, mother of 4. I love being a mom and am looking forward to being a grandmommy someday. I hear your excitement and am happy for you. I also admire the trust that I sense in your ability to want to move forward with your beloved partner even though you do not consider yourself female-attracted. Love is often enough.

Spacial's suggestion to bank some sperm seems wise to me. If you love having one kid, you may want a second. Once hrt gets underway, that, of course, will preclude standard conception. It does cost money to back sperm (I've heard $500per deposit)

Laser treatment, as you may know, works only on dark hair and light skin. My partner spent $3-4 thousand dollars on hers. With your partner being younger, it might be less (less hair?) It all depends on how much and how tough the hair is.

Being healthy for the baby is super important; I completely stopped drinking during pregnancy and of course no smoking; learned to eat more veggies, and I still do all these years later.

Best of luck to you! Do you have insurance that will cover the pregnancy and delivery? That can be kind of expensive too.

[PrincessCL]

Thanks for the excellent advice!

I've researched spermbanking around here, but the closest facility is 2 hours away and the rates are just SUPER expensive! XD

I wonder if it wouldn't be cheaper if I just moved up to Oregon first?

[sowisa]

Hi! Money is definitely a big consideration with babies and transition. As a mother of 4 with a transitioning partner, I can relate:) As far as the baby is concerned, no one ever has enough money to be a parent, so just go for it:) We opted for homebirth with our last one and it was actually cheaper than it would have been to go to the hospital with deductibles and such (they would have made me have a c-section due to to prior ones). Motherhood is the greatest thing ever. Welcome to the club in advance:)
   For the costs of transition, just budget out as much as you can. One thing that has helped my partner Julya and I immensely is things like groupon and livingsocial deals. Join as many as you can. She is getting all the laser hair removal on her face done for around $400.00 because of a weeklydeals offer. The usual price would have been around $1400.00. Not sure what your insurance situation is but if it does not cover anything related to transition you can still usually get at least the therapy and hormones covered. Just find a therapist and dr. experienced in transgender issues and they will know which codes to use to get insurance to cover a lot of it. The surgery is the big hurdle. We are not quite sure how we are going to pull that one off yet, but when we figure it out we will let you know:)
   It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and a loving heart. You will figure it all out, and I bet you are going to make a great mom and a loving spouse:)
Jessica

[Chermarie]

Good luck to the both of you! Myself and my partner are on this journey as well, and I know there will be lots of bumps and bruises along the way but I truly believe that in the end it will all be worth it!