I think that it is a mistake to view RLE as a barrier – something to surmount or avoid, something to overcome as quickly as possible. RLE is part of the process of transition, as much or more for the person transitioning as for the medical establishment.
Although we all wish to wake one morning transformed, we have to transition rather than be transformed. And transition is a process that takes time – time that we use to adjust and adapt and learn and become.
Most of us have lived most of the time in our assigned gender. No matter how much we are of the other gender in our heads and hearts, we don't have the experience with its many learning experiences of living in our needed gender day after day, in all sorts of different circumstances, doing the thrilling things but also the mundane and burdensome. That's what RLE is for.
There are many nuances to living as a gender you weren't raised as and didn't experience through childhood and growing to adulthood. You can't learn them from a book or just thinking about them. You learn them by doing. You have lifelong habits that you have developed and probably aren't aware of. RLE is a time to shift those to the habits of the other gender.
After surgery you will live as your true gender. You won't live in the way you are used to at work and the new way away from work. You won't live in the new way all of the time except when you go to the public restroom. You won't live your new life except when you visit your family. You won't live part-time but day after day through good times and bad. RLE is the time for you to practice for your much-desired new life, but it is also a time for those around you to adjust as well.
Unless you live in a nudist colony, very few people will see whether you have a vagina or a penis. What they see is how you present yourself. RLE is when you learn to consistently present yourself in your true gender.
Surgery brings all sorts of new challenges – pain, discomfort, the rigors of dilation, learning to pee, healing, caring for a changed body to keep it healthy. Post-surgery can be a wonderful time, but it too is a time of challenge and adjustment.
Don't cheat yourself by trying to avoid RLE. If two competent, experienced therapists say you are ready before the year, then you are probably ready, but for most of us there is a lot of work to be done so that we will be more likely to succeed. RLE is a process that will help you live better and more fully. Use it for your own benefit.
- Kate