envious, jealous... pick your poison

[mistergutsy]

Hey guys...
I don't know why but since I started T I've been super jealous of ftm's who are way far along in their transitions. Not even because they've been on T longer then me or because they have top surgery... honestly I'm jealous of the way they look.

I know it sounds kinda odd, but I've hated myself for so long that when I look at some of these guys I just want to look like that so bad. Like built, clean cut, good looking, with stuble.
I don't know maybe its because I feel like I don't pass well? I just want really strong masculine features...I don't feel like I have them and thats something I can't really change.
Anyway I guess that was more of a quick rant but doesn't anyone else feel like that? Just super jealous that some dudes were extremely blessed by hormones and look really great?

[Mr.Hyde]

Yeah I can feel ya, though I feel more jealous for the guys who have an incredible androgynus look on them, and nobody doubts they are guys. Yes, I think I get more angry at the fact that nobody questions about the cisguys being guys...

[HarryP]

Yes, I get jealous.  I get jealous of guys who are trans who are on hormones, and even more of those who've had top surgery. And I get jealous of any guy who has a fit muscley body, a good dress sense, lots of money, and in any way a seemingly more straightforward life than me! Going to gay bars with fit, rich men everywhere is not fun!

I think it's probably natural to be jealous, because the animal in us is going "argh, I need to look better/ stronger/ manlier than him in order to get a mate and pass on my genes"!

But I know that any gorgeous fit man I look at with envy might envy some things of mine too, like that I have a steady boyfriend, lovely friends, and an interesting and rewarding job.  And one day, I'm gonna be a fit man with all the things I have already, and that's a very comforting thought 

[Da Monkey]

Yes, I used to be so jealous of guys on T and guys with top surgery. I would even get jealous of guys who barely had anything to bind. I had to struggle with almost DDs with an unproportioned smaller body type.

I would get more jealous of any cisguys because they don't have to go through any of this stuff.

But now that I have been on T for a year and a bit and 2 weeks post-op I feel like I went along way to get here.

I still get jealous of people who are in better shape, who have way better facial hair, and even stupid things like guys with cars. I'm the loser who walks to work hahah. But like anything else it's better to work at getting there instead of having it handed to you. Gives you a better appreciation in the end I think.

If you're already on T then you're pretty much there. After a year on it you can start to feel almost "caught up". Not that it's a race but I know pre-T and pre-op you feel so far behind on life you just want to get there so you can start living.

[Brent123]

I haven't started t but I get so jealous of people that have.

[notyouraverageguy]

Im jealous of guys who are 5'3" and taller. Im jealous of transguys with unquestionably male range voices. Im jealous of guys with tiny chests and top surgery. I envy those transguys who completely 100% look like male, and "pass" everywhere with everyone 100% of the time, where the people around them don't question that they were born cis. It happens.

[xAndrewx]

Yes, I used to be so jealous of guys on T and guys with top surgery. I would even get jealous of guys who barely had anything to bind.

Same here and I agree with how Jay looks at it. I figure I've started T which was a big step and next comes top surgery. I can't wait to look my age. I keep getting told I don't look old enough to work (minimum hiring age is 16) and I'm 20 so I'm jealous of transguys who look their age because people actually tell me I'm lying when they ask my age but I'll get there eventually.

[Nygeel]

I'm jealous/envious of most guys that are at where I am or earlier and have either progressed more than I have, or are generally passing. I'm just not satisfied with where I am in my transition at the moment. I hate that I have a REALLY hard time even attempting to be read as male (which I usually fail at). I bind my chest very tight because it's so large. I bind my hips because they're wider than my shoulders. I work very hard on what clothes I wear, how things fit, how I talk, hair, accessories, etc. but none of it has done much of anything.

I guess I'm overall bothered by the fact that I'm the kind of person who has to work hard with little in return while others don't have to do anywhere near as much.

[Da Monkey]

I guess I'm overall bothered by the fact that I'm the kind of person who has to work hard with little in return while others don't have to do anywhere near as much.

I used to get really jealous of this FTM guy I know who used to be extremely girly before he transitioned. He went from mini skirts, long hair, make up to a shaved head, male clothes and had barely a chest to bind. I got frustrated because he ended up looking completely different and passed from the beginning. And when I started I just binded and had a shorter haircut and introduced myself with a different name. I didn't change anything about the way I dressed or acted because it was already masculine.

[Nygeel]

I used to get really jealous of this FTM guy I know who used to be extremely girly before he transitioned. He went from mini skirts, long hair, make up to a shaved head, male clothes and had barely a chest to bind. I got frustrated because he ended up looking completely different and passed from the beginning. And when I started I just binded and had a shorter haircut and introduced myself with a different name. I didn't change anything about the way I dressed or acted because it was already masculine.

Yea, I know a guy like that. I've always been dressing in male clothing. I've been binding for maybe 7 years, 8 years? Hasn't changed anybody's perception of me.

[Marvel]

I never get jealous at transguys nomatter how advanced they are in their transitions. Instead i just admire them and use them as a mirror for my own personal transitional development with time. i know that they have overcomed obstacles and worked really hard to be where they are. I am however super jealous of bioguys, especially the lean and very tall ones or the muscular athletic type. I get so so jealous of how their lives are so straightfoward, got everything physically at birth on a silver platter, well maybe they do also  gym a lot, but the potential is already there because of natural T and the male body is designed to be leaner and muscular. They also dont have to deal with the crap of transition difficulties. Everyday you just wake up and ask your self the same d**n question, why couldnt that have been me?.

[N.Chaos]

I've got a weird envy/fascination of my best friend/boyfriend. I'm jealous of the fact that he's tall as hell (bastard is like 6'4), the fact that he NEVER seems to gain weight, everything that comes along with being biologically male. He's always hesitant about being naked around me because he thinks it's going to kick off my self-hate but it doesn't, at least not often enough to worry about. At the same time, I'm always ogling him in that weird mix of "I wish I had that" and "Damn, that's amazing". Sounds kind of silly, I know.

[Yakshini]

I've got a weird envy/fascination of my best friend/boyfriend. [...]  At the same time, I'm always ogling him in that weird mix of "I wish I had that" and "Damn, that's amazing". Sounds kind of silly, I know.

Not silly at all. My significant other is the very picture of gorgeous masculinity. He's tall (6 ft 2in), he has a broad chest, broad shoulders, and a body that was just MADE for holding muscles. Not only that, but he is incredibly attractive in the face too, with a perfect balance of feminine and masculine features.
Jesus. Saying all that makes me wonder why he settles for someone as plain as me. Lol.

But, yeah. The jealousy of transguys who are further along in their transition is exactly why I can't go to the "How Well Do I Pass?" thread. I see guys who look just like that, guys, and they still get picked apart and told where they failed in appearing male. It's like, if they can't pass, how can I even dream of passing? It's sad. I get so jealous of the guys here who are on T and really look like guys. I look to androgynous to affectively pass. =/

[N.Chaos]

Well hot damn, glad to see I'm not alone on that one. I definitely see where you're coming from too, maybe it's just because I've known so many feminine guys in my lifetime but half the time I'm silently wtf-ing at some of the "not passes" on there.

Btw, from the tiny picture I've seen of you, I can't blame him for liking you, I think you're quite attractive.
I'm down with androgyny too, I'll be happy if I only ever get "what is it" for the rest of my life. I think it's a little easier IRL because of my voice, and online people are just judging off of pictures, but still as long as people are instantly saying "that's a girl, albeit a damn ugly one" I'm happy.

[mistergutsy]

Thanks for all the input guys... it makes me feel a LOT better to know I'm not alone in this...

I never get jealous at transguys nomatter how advanced they are in their transitions. Instead i just admire them and use them as a mirror for my own personal transitional development with time. i know that they have overcomed obstacles and worked really hard to be where they are. I am however super jealous of bioguys, especially the lean and very tall ones or the muscular athletic type. I get so so jealous of how their lives are so straightfoward, got everything physically at birth on a silver platter, well maybe they do also  gym a lot, but the potential is already there because of natural T and the male body is designed to be leaner and muscular. They also dont have to deal with the crap of transition difficulties. Everyday you just wake up and ask your self the same d**n question, why couldnt that have been me?.

I totally feel you on this... as much as I envy blessed transguys who just naturally look great as male I'm so incredibly jealous of cismales.
I'm REALLY strong, even before T, and I used to get compliments ALL the time at the gym for how strong I was...  and then some bodybuilder would come up, double what I just benched, and I would get all jealous and say "man, thats amazing! I wish I could do that." and they would say "yeah, but you bench a lot... for a girl."
geez puke all over my why donca??!

[sascraps]

Oh yeah I know the feeling. I'm not even in any transition due to a lot of circumstances at the moment. But the people I've seen videos on, it's absolutely amazing! And they turn out to be good looking guys! I'm jealous too! 

[N.Chaos]

Oh yeah I know the feeling. I'm not even in any transition due to a lot of circumstances at the moment. But the people I've seen videos on, it's absolutely amazing! And they turn out to be good looking guys! I'm jealous too! 

It's weird, especially for me because I'm so incredibly bitter, but I see videos and blogs like that and it honestly just inspires me. I look at these guys that've come from every walk of life, be it butch from the start or uber-girlie, and here they are now as these good looking, happy men. It makes me realize that this doesn't have to be the end of my life, I don't have to curl up in a dark corner and wait to die anymore. It's a strange feeling to me, but it's nice to finally have some tangible hope.

[kyril]

I get jealous of other guys too. Especially the ones with the little skinny hips and fat-free bodies...or the ones who carry a little extra weight, but in guy places, not in 40 inches of childbearing hips. And the ones who don't have to bind, and the ones who can bind and get totally believably flat. And the ones whose voices drop into a believably male range within 2 months. And the ones who were able to start transitioning as teenagers.

I'm thankful for the advantages that I do have. I'm thankful that my face passes, and that I don't have a DD chest. But it's hard not to be insecure. It's hard not to constantly compare myself with every guy I see and dissect all the areas where I come up short. It sucks.

I think it's pretty normal...everybody does it. But it's intensified when you're trans.

[greekboi]

I get jealous of other guys too. Especially the ones with the little skinny hips and fat-free bodies...or the ones who carry a little extra weight, but in guy places, not in 40 inches of childbearing hips. And the ones who don't have to bind, and the ones who can bind and get totally believably flat... But it's hard not to be insecure. It's hard not to constantly compare myself with every guy I see and dissect all the areas where I come up short. It sucks.

I think it's pretty normal...everybody does it. But it's intensified when you're trans.

I agree fully...I have huge hips (before I started working out they were 40" but have only dropped to 37" after 6 months) and I want so badly to acheive the androgynous look which I can't have because of my hips. It's nearly inpossible to make your hips any smaller. I have C's but that's easier to bind. Not to mention how short I am, the only people I know as short or shorter than me are girls. I want to be taller. I can't start transitioning for at least 3 years, and that's if I can afford it then.
Every time I see a picture of a guy or I'm around a guy who is attractive I compare everything about me to him and I get so depressed that I'll never be that attractive, I'll never pass and be accepted like him... I can't help it, I try to ignore it but this voice in my head just keeps whispering to me: "You're never going to be a hot guy like that. You won't even be accepted as androgynous. People will only ever see you as a girl." Yet I already have people confusing my gender, elementary schoolers asking if I'm a girl or a boy and people calling me 'sir' and I've barely started my transition. Yet I still can't get over that nagging feeling in the back of my mind...

[sascraps]

It's weird, especially for me because I'm so incredibly bitter, but I see videos and blogs like that and it honestly just inspires me. I look at these guys that've come from every walk of life, be it butch from the start or uber-girlie, and here they are now as these good looking, happy men. It makes me realize that this doesn't have to be the end of my life, I don't have to curl up in a dark corner and wait to die anymore. It's a strange feeling to me, but it's nice to finally have some tangible hope.

Well ok, I am jealous but inspired too. And seeing others' transformations has given me a hope for myself that I haven't ever had before. I always thought the only way out of my dysphoria to life itself was death. Now I know what's been wrong with me all along is that it didn't even cross my mind to consider eing a guy an option. Now that I have the idea in my head, I'm much happier and relieved to know that no matter what happens, it doesn't have to mean the end.