Gender agendas engendered

[Padma]

Sorry, I wordplay when I'm nervous.

I've started to talk to more of my friends about what I'm going through, which is the sudden uprush of awareness that all my life there's been at least a part of me that wanted me to be female, and that it's a lot stronger than I've ever allowed it to be before (which is a good thing, a sign of sufficient love from within to support the fear!)

What I'm finding is that while people start out by being very open and supportive, at some point there always seems to be an agenda that kicks in where they want to tell me not to make any sudden decisions (which is patronising/matronising depending on who's saying it), and it becomes clear that they're only comfortable with it so long as it appears to be just ideas going round my head. So as soon as I say "I don't know what's going to happen, but at the moment it looks like it could be anything from beard removal to SRS!" the firm advice barrage begins (sometimes dressed up as "spiritual advice", feh). Oh, and men are worse (presumably because they feel an empathic cockthreat).

At first, it felt like such a relief to be able to tell people what's happening with me, but now I'm feeling less and less able to. I do have a few friends who have the capacity to sit with uncertainty, so I'm mostly talking with them, as they can see that this is where I am with all this - in a great savannah of positive uncertainty.

I notice as well that the thing I'm being very careful of telling people is: I'm scared. This is a frightening thing to be experiencing, as well as liberating.

I have to take in to account that the people who are hearing this from me are, for the most part, kind of scared by it themselves, so their response is a way of dealing with their feelings about it too. And that they care about me and don't want to see me doing anything that's going to cause me suffering (boy, same here!).

But what do you tell people, and how do you tell it, so that they get the import of what's going on, and don't feel obliged to "fix" it, and can just listen?

I'm not sure if I'm asking you this question, or just blowing off steam here. Psssshhhh...

[spacial]

I should start by saying that I don't do a lot of socialising.

But, for my part, I tell people what they need to know. I spent a large part of my life trying to explain myself, then realised that I was actually apologising for being here. That was quite strange because it's been one of my mantras that I don't need to apologise for being here, yet I was doing it all the time. For my part, I think it's probably some neurosis of mine that made me worry about the opinions of others. But equally, I met a lot of people, especially when I was younger, who claimed they didn't worry about others. Yet their behaviour ended up being rather thoughtless.

There are the types that assume that, if you aren't looking at pictures of naked women, of oogling any who happen to walk past, then you must be a queer and interested in their bottom. These people have a problem and they don't like you telling them.

[rite_of_inversion]

I notice as well that the thing I'm being very careful of telling people is: I'm scared. This is a frightening thing to be experiencing, as well as liberating.

*nods*  uh-huh, yup...

But what do you tell people, and how do you tell it, so that they get the import of what's going on, and don't feel obliged to "fix" it, and can just listen

People are always going to try to fix you, it's one way of expressing caring...some people (raises hand) just don't realize how annoying it can be...

Not sure what to do about it...

Cisgendered people just don't compute trans stuff...

I'm thirdgender/androgyne, my wife's multiple years postop...I don't necessarily understand her gender issues-she still has to spell them out to me...and as I'm figuring my newly-found ones out, I'm explaining them to her...