A mission in life

[Tammy Hope]

I've come to a conclusion.

On the whole, given my personal circumstances, a pretty unrealistic conclusion for now but nonetheless, a vision, at least, if you will.

one that will probably have to be facilitated by some other event first (such as being published as if I dare to delude myself i'll ever complete a book)

Still, before i ramble any more - here's my thinking:

Laying aside the remaining transition which needs to be done - that is obviously of most importance to me, to somehow find a way to pay for and progress through all the physical changes that need to take place and the attendant legalities - I believe I've concluded what would make me most satisfied with the rest of my life.

I would love to spend my time making presentations to businesses, civic organizations, policemen, teachers, even churches, about the "truth vs. myth" of transsexualism.

While I understand that, especially in this part of the world, much bigotry is simply entrenched and largely unresponsive to new information - i also have come to believe that a LOT of the people around me would be much more accepting if they had good information about the nature of my situation.

I can't think of anything that would be more rewarding than to be the instumant of a HR director who saves the job of a trans person, a cop who doesn't callously dismiss the danger a trans brother or sister is in, a teacher who defends and fights for a trans student.....because I helped them understand this condition.

Of course, there's much i would need to do to prepare (and I'd love to be under the wing of some person already doing this sort of thing who could let me be Robin to their Batman - even if only in spirit from a great distance - until i could do it on my own) and there are a lot of folks around here would be very slow to open the doors.

Still, it's good to be satisfied that you're doing something of lasting value with your day.

[spacial]

Tammy.

I think that's a wonderful ambition.

I wish you well.

[Colleen Ireland]

That's not unrealistic at all!  When I was attending the Gender Journeys workshop in Toronto, one of the evenings a woman came to speak, and she told us her story - she had been in a management position at a large bank (as a man), had transitioned on the job (in place), worked for several more years there as a woman, then decided she'd like to give back to the community, so she started her own consulting company to give workshops on gender issues to businesses, in particular where someone is transitioning.  My company has engaged her to come and give workshops during my pre-transition absence (vacation).  It's been done, there are probably people you could talk to, and/or places you could go to learn how to do it.  Lots of options.  I think you're very noble and admirable to be thinking along those lines.  I've also had thoughts of writing one or more books, we do need more positive exposure in the popular culture.  Rock on, sister!

[K8]

I think that is a very worthwhile ambition, Tammy.  I've had a number of people in my town tell me that they learned a lot just from watching my very public transiton.  I also talk to classes at the university and do what I can with the student activist group.  I am doing what you want, although in a lesser way.  I certainly wish you well.  You can make a difference - especially where you live. 

It is easy to hate or dismiss a class of people that you have no first-hand knowledge of, but once you discover that your neighbor or co-worker or doctor or lawyer or friend is of that class then your attitudes often change.  We have nothing to be ashamed of, and our stories can help enlighten.

Go for it, girl!

- Kate

[Lacey Lynne]

I think that is a very worthwhile ambition, Tammy.  I've had a number of people in my town tell me that they learned a lot just from watching my very public transiton.  I also talk to classes at the university and do what I can with the student activist group.  I am doing what you want, although in a lesser way.  I certainly wish you well.  You can make a difference - especially where you live. 

It is easy to hate or dismiss a class of people that you have no first-hand knowledge of, but once you discover that your neighbor or co-worker or doctor or lawyer or friend is of that class then your attitudes often change.  We have nothing to be ashamed of, and our stories can help enlighten.

Go for it, girl!

- Kate

Tammy:

Girl, that is a WONDERFUL ambition!

Both Colleen Ireland and K8 (Hi, Kate!!!) offer you great advice and encouragement above.  See?  It CAN be done and IS being done.  Those other people don't have anything you don't have when all is said and done.  This sounds stupid, but:

"Ya just gotta wanna!"

Now, if I remember, you are in Mississippi, right?  Well, if so, then there are two ways you can look at your situation:

Way One:

Oh, Christ!  Here I am with all these bigoted and small-minded people.  Why me?  I haven't got a chance.

Way Two:

Dang!  Find a need and fill it is how success happens.  Look at this place!  There's a huge need here for the information I have.  It's wide open with opportunity for me! 

Automobile magnate Henry Ford I said:

"Think you can or think you can't.  Either way, you are right."

Tammy, I so think you can do this ... and should do this!

Know what?  I wanna do it too!  While I have the skill set to make major money, I don't really want to, for it gives me no satisfaction.  Mongering after money is a damnable way to spend one's life if you ask me.  Besides, the worldwide economic system is based upon very falses premises and the worldwide economic slump we all see is a direct result of our running up against that system's logical limits.  No, I will not spend my life chasing after money.  However, I DO want to do what you describe here, and I'm going to.

Dang, girl.  I'm gonna do what you say here.  If I can do it, you certainly can do it!  Heck, I'm nothing special.  All it takes is a strong desire, a clear focus and stalwart determination to just do it!

I know another transgirl (age 39) on another transforum who is on the west coast like I am but is way south of me.  Anyway, she and I have agreed to collaborate.  She's doing the same thing you're talking about here. 

Ever heard of Andrea James and Calpernia Addams?  Sure you have!  Well, they're doing their own version of this and are doing it in a big way. 

Get started there, now, today!  You can do it!  You'd be great at it!

We majorly believe in you, Tammy.  Look at any great organization or enterprise.  It all started with one or two people with nothing but a dream and the desire to make it happen.

Billy Bob Bocephus is a GREAT customer ... once you gain his TRUST ... and you do that by being SINCERE!  I lived in Florida for 31 years, hon.  I experienced the kind of thing you experience there in your state.  It's doable, girl.

   Lacey Lynne

[Tammy Hope]

There's a lot n the last few posts I'd like to speak specifically too but I'll try to excerpt very small selections to riff off of

Tammy, I so think you can do this ... and should do this!

CAN do it? Absolutely. My natural gifts and talents are ideally suited to this sort of thing.

What I don't have, particularly here, is two things:

1. Credibility. there's a difference in coming out of a successful career and being an often unemployed ner-do-well when it comes to getting the suits to pay attention to you.

2. A willing audience. for no, at least, there's a limited market of people who would want to hear it in this area. No schools at all (other than possible presentations in Psychology departments at the major universities - which would likely be my starting place); no more than 2 or 3 churches who are accepting enough in the whole half of the state (there'd be some in Memphis but Memphis has plenty of trans-activist folks I think). most businesses won't see that they have a need unless they have an employee who's already confronted them with the issue. MIGHT get into a few sessions with, for instance, a police force or something.

You'd really have to beat the bushes to drum up a demand. Yes, possibly after 10 years or so you might be able to have enough of a reputation that audiences would seek you out. Which would be worth it but it would take a lot of dedication and facing a lot of grief.

My daydream is to go back to the Baptist College I got my degree from and present to them a potential alternative to the point of view they've been taught but i probably won't live to see that day.

Get started there, now, today!  You can do it!  You'd be great at it!

Until I get my own house in order, it's not workable. I still have days when I'm afraid she's going to trash every female thing i own...days when she breaks down in tears to see me take a purse out of the house...days when I'd gladly leave because of all that except for the son who threatens suicide if he can't have both his parents together...

and through all that, not enough money to even do HRT (if I'm to do it the "right" way - i can probably squeeze out enough to order up some DIY hormones, but therapy and blood work and all that/

Can't be done on $114 a week.

Especially when the therapist is 90 miles away.

Basically, to anyone I'd be approaching, i'd still be "a man in a skirt who's screwing p his family"

I have to assume that I have to bring more to the table than a new wardrobe in order to come across as providing some real insight.

Even if that's not true, I'm not sure I can do the job right when my "ducks aren't in a row"

My youngest will be 18 in 4 years, by the spring of 2015 I'd like to have (a) lost the weight; (b) been on HRT for over 2 years; (changed my name (or be on the cusp of it); (c) had an orchi (or have on on the calendar; and (d) had the beard fully lasered and the body hair fully managed (at a minimum)

With that done I think i can credibly claim (in the eyes of skeptics) to be "female" (given that it will be my own business whether I've had GRS) to my satisfaction and if i've accomplished that much my personal drama will obviously be under control.

and all of that depends on income. I've had, in the last few days, a couple of, IMO, BRILLIANT book ideas which give me entirely unreasonable fantasies about writing for a living (which VERY few people make a living off writing, especially books) -  but laying that aside, none of this gets off the ground if i can't find an f'n JOB!!!!


Still, i love yall for the encouragement - it means tons!

[Tammy Hope]

and just to revise and restate my fantasy - writing well enough to make a reasonable living (it doesn't take getting rich) off my books and thereby having both the "celebrity" and the flexibility to "evangelize" the truth about transsexualism in the most skeptical corner of the country.