I came out to my parents (and my brother about at the same time) almost a year ago. I only see them on holidays, so it's not like we have much time to talk and comfortable about talking about transition with each other and even then most of the time they are pretty busy with stuff. it doesn't help that i'm utterly incapable of talking about personal things, specially with my parents.
when we talk about my transition it wears me out, i get irritable (curse you short temper!).
My parents, being parents, want to do SOMETHING to help (and im really glad! i know many aren't as lucky as i am) but the way they do it just doesn't work with me, since i'm the kind of person that has to go her own way, learn things by herself. My mom keeps suggesting we go to this doctor and that doctor and try this and that. My father keeps give me counsel or guide me or ... (AUGH it's so difficult to summrize things. i mean, "gives counsel" sounds actually good,
). specially annoying when their guidance feels like they don't realize that a person is more than their surface. seriously, how can they first suggest that tomboys wear jeans and t-shirts, so i can still use my old ones later on, BUT use stereotypes when talking about how girls are and how i should act... well not act exactly. More like "all girls care for their appearance, you should too" (i'll care about it, when i'll care. right now i don't) for example. Sometimes it's like my parents are vulcans. well half, they do show love and concern. it's just they govern themselves by logic and reason and somehow emotional factors don't figure into their understanding of things. i don't know...
Basically it feels like they are too controlling of my life, making it hard to lead it myself.
I tell them that what they are doing isn't helping. i have to find myself, i have to find my way. And i definitely don't want to deliver regular progress reports that they might be expecting (i'm overreacting, but it just feels like that, instead of interest in knowing how i'm doing. yeesh, telling them i'm feeling bad immediately makes them start trying to figure out solutions to fix that ...medically)
i tell them i just need them to be there for me (metaphorically since they are in a completely different country), though i'm not sure what "there for me" entails, since emotional support hasn't really been what i've come to learn to expect from them.
augh... myrant might be painting them in a too bad a light... or too good?(since they care and want the best for me?).
anyway what i wanted to ask... what can i do to help my parents feel more involved and helpful without putting them in charge of my transition? what can i (who is just slowly learning how to be open) do so they don't feel cut off and useless as parents? they are really important to me, that they exist, and be that pillar that i can rely on and come back to but i don't know what else i could need from them...
