Hi... umm... I am not that great at introductions, but here I go!
I am 25. Um... I was born male, but I hate it! If I didn't, then I probably wouldn't have found my way here. And I am from Pennsylvania.
When I was very little, I was a girl for Halloween. It was my idea. I loved it! However, when it was done, I wasn't allowed to wear my dress anymore. I was not too happy about that. I probably could have been a girl again the next year, but I guess I had other costume plans. Anyway, I had a slight interest in baby dolls back then too. I had one, and I loved it for a bit, but then it just kinda sat in a corner after a while. Just wanna get the point across that I had some sort of desire (though maybe not an extreme desire at the time) to be a girl at such a young age.
Somehow, I guess I was easily able to suppress my gender issues for quite a long time. It didn't really become a problem again until I was about 12 or 13. I started trying on some of my mom's old dresses (that I hadn't even seen her wear in a long time) and some of my cousins dresses (I actually borrowed one or two night gowns they had forgotten about. I eventually secretly returned them)... and I loved it! Fortunately, at the time, I had my own bedroom, so that was a good thing
....sadly, I do not have my own room anymore. It's a huge problem for me.
Anyway, I actually got to the point where I thought, to myself, that I would one day run away from everyone I knew and have a sex change & stuff. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized I could never disappear like that. I care too much about my family & I don't really have anyone else.
Anyway, around when I was 15, I went into a sort of depression, but that's a long story. I sorta blocked out my transgender-ness for a while. I think the fact that I barely cared about anything was the only reason I was able to do so. Being male was actually one of the many reasons (there were lots of reasons) I felt depressed. After over a year, when I was feeling a little bit better (though I still couldn't wait to be out of high school, and I can't say I ever 100% stopped being depressed), I started to think about crossdressing again.
I guess my feelings have been a bit confusing over the past ten years. It's hard to explain. I have gone between thinking that I'm just a crossdresser (and that it's so unfair that guys aren't allowed to be girly if they want), to thinking I should have been born female, to trying to block it all out again, and back and forth between that stuff. A ton of confusion, basically.
Then there's my sexuality. For the longest time, I didn't even want to admit to myself being anything but straight. What I think I have figured out now is that I am biromantic asexual (maybe with a bit of a preference toward women).
I am not sure what to do, really. Do I want to transition? Yep. Can I afford it? I'm not so sure. I would definitely need help with that. Can I deal with the ridicule? I'm not sure about that either. I've always been pretty sensitive. (There are some other concerns I have as well) So, maybe I just wanna be able to be myself at home? I don't know. I'm still pretty confused... pretty extremely confused.
Well.... I could probably come up with more, but I think I did pretty good there. So.... hi all!
