Bad Jokes

[Kevin Peña]

I don't get it, Dalebert.

[Anna++]

Give it a minute.

He went down in history?

[dalebert]

Ur not s'posed to spoil it for folks!

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

hehe.  I did not figure it out.  Thanks, EmSchuma.

[Devlyn]

I got it, but it took more than a minute!

[Kevin Peña]

"Out with glee!" Great, now I need a hint for the hint! I feel stupid. 

[dalebert]

[Anna++]

Ur not s'posed to spoil it for folks!

It was on the previous page...

hehe.  I did not figure it out.  Thanks, EmSchuma.

* sings * I am so smart,  I am so smart,  s-m-r-t...  I mean s-m-A-r-t

[Shawn Sunshine]

Who was Jabba the Hutt's Dog??

[Kevin Peña]

Last lot for tonight, this bunch have a common theme, men

Men are like blenders, you need one but you're never sure why

Men are like bank accounts, without alot of money they don't generate much interest

Men are like mascara, they run at the first sign of emotion

Men are like miniskirts, if you're not carefull they'll creep up your legs

Men are like public toilet cubicles, the good ones are taken & the only ones left are full of crap

Men are like tights, they either cling or run

Okay, to be fair. Women jokes.

How do you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets? A woman.

What do you call women who can't make sandwiches? Single.

What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing? A knife has a point.

How do you blind a woman? Put a windshield in front of her.

What do women and condoms have in common? If they're not on your d***, they're in you wallet.

Why is life like a penis? Women make it hard.

_________________________________________________________________

Now, men jokes.

What do men and lawnmowers have in common? They're hard to get started, release toxic fumes, and don't work half the time.

How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two beers instead of one.

What's the only thing men know how to cook? Take-out.

How do you keep a man from reading your e-mail? Rename the folder, "Directions."

Why are all women jokes one-liners? So men can understand them.

What does it mean if a man is calling out a woman's name in bed? He needs help remembering it.

[dalebert]

Humor is universal.

[Kevin Peña]

Awwww, poor little Pluto in the corner... 

[Kevin Peña]

Ok, I made a summer camp for kids with ADD, but no one showed up. Maybe because I called it "Concentration Camp."   

[Anna++]

I spent today making snow and winter puns on facebook, here are some of the highlights:

• Sounds like a flaky system
• Icy what you did there
• Snow more puns please
• Well that's snow banks to me
• I am snowboard of this
• The important thing is that nobody is flurry-ous

[Kevin Peña]

These are for you, Jaime D. 

I was gonna tell a pig joke, but it was too boar-ing.

I was gonna make a joke about old bread, but it was too stale.

I was gonna tell a vacuum joke, but it sucks.

I was gonna make a joke about rednecks, but it was too stupid.

I was gonna make an Alzheimer's joke, but I forgot it.

I was gonna make a sheep joke, but I'm too baaashful.

I was gonna make a missing clock joke, but I don't have the time.

I was gonna make a chef joke, but I don't have the thyme.

I was gonna make a joke about a baker's finances, but I couldn't raise the dough.

I was gonna make a physics joke, but i don't have the balls.

I was gonna make a skeleton joke, but i don't have the guts.

I was gonna make a joke about rabbits, but I'm too soft.

I was gonna make a racing joke, but I ran out of them.

I was gonna make a joke about sinks, but my plans went down the drain.

I was gonna make a joke about clouds, but I'm too high to say it.

I was gonna make a joke about mustaches, but I'll shave it for later.

I was gonna make a joke about He-Man, but I didn't have the power.

I was gonna make a joke about cats, but not right meow.

I was gonna make a joke about the alphabet, but Y not save it for later?

I was gonna make a joke about female golfers, but it was too darn caddy.

I was gonna make a joke about coffee, but I'd be grounded for saying it.

I was gonna make an indecisive joke, but I changed my mind.

I was gonna make a joke about dogs, but it was only a ruff draft.

I was gonna make a dark joke, but it wasn't too bright.

I was gonna make a joke about onions, but it would make you cry.

I was gonna make a joke about electricity, but it was too shocking.

I was gonna make a joke about Yao Ming, but it was too tall an order.

I was gonna make a joke about dulled nails, but it wasn't too sharp.

I was gonna make a joke about evolution, but it was too primal.

I was gonna make a joke about pipes, but it was too blunt.

I was gonna make a joke about computers, but it bytes.

I was gonna make a joke about carpenters, but wood you care if I saved it for later?

I was gonna make a joke about art, but it's too abstract.

I was gonna make a joke about viruses, but it was too sick.

I was gonna make a joke about sharks, bu it was too vicious.

I was gonna make a joke about an unsharpened pencil, but you wouldn't get the point.

I was gonna make a joke about literature, but it didn't feel write.

I was gonna make a joke about philosophical theory, but you wouldn't get the concept.

I was gonna make a joke about mercury, but you're too dense to get it.

I was gonna make a joke about concrete, but it wasn't too smooth.

I was gonna make a joke about bananas, but it wasn't very appealing.

I was gonna make a joke about narcolepsy, but... *snore*

I was gonna make an incomplete joke, but


This is what my friend and I have been doing for the last half hour. 

[Anna++]

That was a good use of a half hour

I was gonna make a physics joke, but i don't have the balls.

Heh, I mentally replaced "physics joke" with "juggling joke" when I read this.  Maybe I've been playing with my balls too much...

[dalebert]

Give it a moment.

[Kevin Peña]

AHHHHHHH! Dalebert, I love your cryptic jokes. 

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

[Ms. OBrien CVT]