Facebook profile

[Jamiess]

I don't really know where to post this. It may even be a bad idea, but has anyone done or considered building a FB profile as the person you prefer to be. I was thinking you could actually be the person you feel you are. The forums are great but it seems there would be more interaction on FB. Let me know your thoughts on this.

[Robert Scott]

My son did that for six months before he told us he was trans.

[Janet_Girl]

Many of us have an FB account, so go for it.

[Lee]

My only concern would be the friend suggestions that pop up.  If your new page is friended to several people who are friends with a person you don't want to know yet, it will likely suggest you to them, which could cause issues.

[sascraps]

I'm on FB under my real birth name. I thought about creating another one, but I've got too much time invested in the one game I play on there. Once I get the ball rolling, lose a good bit of weight and start living life under my new name, I'll just change the name and pics and leave everyone shocked! 

[Shang]

I have a FB page for me (Lynn) and then one for "Sarah".  I've been doing this for about a year or so now because I'm not willing to tell my parents for awhile, at least not until I'm financially set.

[Jamiess]

I've had one for a while also. The only problem is no one knows about it. I'm waiting for my wife to come to terms. I'm starting to think she never will. I told her almost two years ago. I'm starting to get frustrated with the situation. I get the feeling I'm supposed to shut-up and press on with life "bury my head in the sand". I do have one friend that I told about a year ago but I haven't friended her.

[Kay]

Hi Jamiess,
.
I'd definitely make a page.  I made my male FB page 2 years ago at the insistence of my sisters.  I still don't spend much time on it, or really comment on anything because it's just not me.  I don't feel free to be myself there.  Aside from family, the only other people on it are a couple of coworkers that happened to find it, and friends I used to know 15-20 years ago.  The only picture I have on it is a purposely jumbled puzzle-style one (mostly because the people I knew 15-20 years ago would definitely notice the more recent changes that family and everyone else is oblivious to.)
.
A year ago when i started going out and meeting other people as Kay, I started my real FB page. 
That's really the only one I do much interaction on or post on.  It helps to stay in touch with people that you meet.  To me, that's the FB page my real friends are on.    The page for people who know the real me. 
.
Since you already have one, it sounds like the issue is finding people to friend.  Do you ever go out to nearby trans social/support groups, or a nearby LGBT organization?  To keep things safe, I limit myself to people I know IRL, or people I know from Susan's.
.
As far as safety:  If you're not out yet, like me, I'd be careful.  Put an avatar up that isn't your real picture if you use a lot of apps (I used a cartoon character).  (I started using my own picture last Summer...with no issues yet) Set all your privacy settings to high, so that people have trouble searching for you.  (even if I search for "Kay Donohue" in my city, I can't bring it up from my other account.  That way the only people that can find you are those that you want finding you.    Use a different surname.  I keep the two very separate, just as I keep those parts of my life separate at the moment.   (I'm hoping to come out soon though)  Auto log-ins that remember passwords and IDs can also be an issue on a shared comp, which you may also need to consider.
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As to your wife, that's a difficult one.  You need to follow your heart, but I know having kids can complicate things.  From your intro post, it sounds like you've felt this way for a while, so it's not going to go away.  Your wife is probably ignoring it, in hopes that it will go away.  So the question is whether you want to press the issue, and if you do...how...and how much?  Living half a life is no fun for anyone. 
.
But FB should be a fairly safe avenue to express yourself, as long as you take some precautions.

[Imadique]

I started one in my new name and ran it concurrently with the old one for a few months. I only made a point of actually telling a couple of people what was going on, which was a mistake because other people I let in on the new page thought I was joking.

As Lee mentioned, you will be visible to people you may not want to tell - I didn't have a problem with friend suggestions so much as not so close friends adding me and having to accept the requests because I didn't actually want to cut them off, just didn't want to tell them yet. All worked out in the end and I got rid of a few people too

[Jamiess]

My profile has only one friend and it's my other self. I'm to the point where I don't care if it is found so it is not hidden. I learned as a small child that it was not appropriate to talk about gender. I'm surrounded by people that feel that there is man and woman, nothing can go wrong with gender. How ignorant! I don't even think they would recognize my pic. It is the same as my forum pic.  There are not many LGBT's around here. Especially "T". I have met one but she acted like she had moved on with her life and did not want to talk about it. I really don't blame her. There are probably many more that are too scared to admit to themselves.

[tekla]

Linking the two accounts could be problematic, as getting to one would get you to the other.  If you're out and all, no problem.  But if you want to keep them separate, then don't do it.  I have FB friends who have two accounts, one public, one private, because they are involved in some entertainment gig and go by another name (stage name, DJ name) and they ask all of us NOT to friend both as that could lead people to their real identity (particularly a problem for two female radio personalities I know).  But remember that FB is a network, and like all networks, once you get in, you can get to every other place.

Also, it's worth repeating that FB does not care for, or even recognize, your right to privacy while on FB, or to anything you post there.

[Jamiess]

I know it is reckless, but I'm just so fed up with hiding. Coming out would totally alter my life though. If I didn't have kids, I probably would have disappeared a few years ago.

[danielleclark1987]

Hi!

I actually just created a new Facebook account. I still have my old "boy" account but I now have a new "girl" account where I'm most active. I don't know if we can post that information on this forum, but do send me a private message. I'm always excited to make new friends, especially during our transitions!

Much love,
Danielle Dawn Clark

[Sly]

I deleted my old 'girl' FB account a few months before I came out.  I was just so sick of going by that name and identity that I couldn't stand to keep it around anymore.  Later I made a new one with my preferred name, signed up as male but kept my gender hidden on my profile... just wasn't ready to tell everyone yet.
If you want more friends, you're free to add me.  I go by my shortened name there, last name Vogel. :)

[MarinaM]

I just set up my FB page this morning. I already have seven friends that were my old friends.

I'm out, but not to everyone. I don't care. If they can connect the dots and like me less for it, then to he** with them. I became completely and utterly sick to my stomach moving at my wife's snail pace and I needed an outlet. She wants me to make it private but I won't. Let the storm begin.

[michelle.ch]

How did any of you manage to do this and keep your pages? I tried to make new page with a completely new e-mail, then I sent a message to someone who was a friend on my man page, and it ended up locking me out, demanding a telephone number they could send a code to to unlock it. I almost got sucked into doing that.

After finding more about Zuckerberg and the general dodginess of Facebook regarding information harvesting I decided to give up the idea completely rather than entrusting facebook staff with that kind of information. 

However, four months later it is still sending me messages, even though it won't let me log in to delete it

Even Zuckerberg's dog has its own page.... "Facebook is a community of people who use their real identities" yeah...sure it is

[Miss_Anthropic]

My only concern would be the friend suggestions that pop up.  If your new page is friended to several people who are friends with a person you don't want to know yet, it will likely suggest you to them, which could cause issues.

This happens to me all the time, most of my girl FB friends are other trans folks so far, but there are two longtime friends I've come out to on there. I'm also friends with them on the guy profile, so I'm always getting the suggestion to friend myself.... cracks me up everytime.

I do have two other friends whom I'm out to but haven't added yet, the 5 of us are friends, so I'm sure they are getting suggestions to friend the girl account all the time too. I'd go ahead and add them, but that leads to a ton more mutual friends.... at that point, the cat's pretty much out of the bag.

It's a lot of work being two people! Hopefully not much longer....

~Sara

[danielleclark1987]

How did any of you manage to do this and keep your pages? I tried to make new page with a completely new e-mail, then I sent a message to someone who was a friend on my man page, and it ended up locking me out, demanding a telephone number they could send a code to to unlock it. I almost got sucked into doing that.

After finding more about Zuckerberg and the general dodginess of Facebook regarding information harvesting I decided to give up the idea completely rather than entrusting facebook staff with that kind of information. 

However, four months later it is still sending me messages, even though it won't let me log in to delete it

Even Zuckerberg's dog has its own page.... "Facebook is a community of people who use their real identities" yeah...sure it is

You can go ahead and enter your phone number. Once the verification process is over you can delete that information on your profile. When I setup my new profile I believe I had to enter a code that needed to be sent to my phone. Are you talking about that?

[gennee]

I have an FB account though I don't read it that often. Probably should though.

Gennee

[Arch]

I have two FB accounts--one for people who knew me before transition, and one for people who didn't. Obviously, I'm not keen on being outed to the people who don't already know. The people on my non-trans page treat me like a regular guy. It's wonderful.

My system sort of works, but I don't allow people to friend me on both accounts. I also hate logging off and on. It seems like a big hassle, even though it's not. So I tend to keep one profile up and ignore the other one for weeks at a time.

So far, nobody on the non-trans site has asked me why none of my other friends appear on my FB profile. They might assume that I have a gay profile and a straight profile, I guess. Or they might not even think about it. It's easy for trans people to get paranoid about every little thing that actually doesn't even occur to non-trans folks.

I've used the tightest FB privacy settings available, but that doesn't mean I trust Zuckerberg and friends. Maybe it will all blow up in my face some day. For now, I like it like this.