Making an Appointment Soon

[cyanidearsenic]

(EDIT: Oh, I hope this is in the right section. I put it in therapy because, obviously, it's about therapy but it could sort of fit in FtM stuff, because I'm FtM. I wasn't sure where to put it basically. Sorry if it's incorrect.)
Oh dear IWGSF(FFA)! I'm going to make an appointment for my first therapy session and I'm TERRIFIED.
Terrified isn't even a strong enough word!
...
Okay, now that I've freaked out a bit so I don't explode, I'll try to make some sense.
I recently asked my mom if she minded me starting therapy for my gender issues. (I don't actually have to ask as I'm 19 and one of my friends would take me if she wouldn't but I live with her so I generally get her permission for this type of stuff.) She was okay with it and agreed to take me if I found someone.
I found a therapist with experience regarding trans people and she's not THAT far away. Conveniently enough, my mom will actually be driving my sister and nephew up to the hospital about 6.2 miles away from this therapist next month so my nephew can see an asthma specialist.
The obvious, logical, efficient thing to do would be to get an appointment during his appointment (which could take up to three hours) so that she could drop me off on the way and pick me up afterwards and she'd already be in the city.
I haven't made an official appointment yet, but I've contacted the therapist asking if she happens to have anything open on that date, around that time.
That's it, nothing official.
YET I AM FREAKING OUT! I am not social, I do not do 'talking about myself and my feelings' well. I am shy, self-conscious, pessimistic, prone to freaking out about things, and have horrid self-esteem. I don't want to talk about myself. I had to go to a court ordered therapist during middle school for delinquency (I missed a lot of school because I felt sick and the doctor thought it might be psychological because I was healthy) and I barely said a word to her.
I am terrified that this is happening. Yet, I am so relieved it's actually starting.
Just needed someone to vent to, thanks.

[Simone Louise]

I am not social, I do not do 'talking about myself and my feelings' well. I am shy, self-conscious, pessimistic, prone to freaking out about things, and have horrid self-esteem. I don't want to talk about myself. I had to go to a court ordered therapist during middle school for delinquency (I missed a lot of school because I felt sick and the doctor thought it might be psychological because I was healthy) and I barely said a word to her.
I am terrified that this is happening. Yet, I am so relieved it's actually starting.
Just needed someone to vent to, thanks.

Welcome, and consider yourself vented. The gender therapy you plan is way different from your earlier brush with counseling. You are at a different stage of life. You are choosing who to see and whether to go at all. In talking about your gender, you are the expert; a good therapist will pay attention and honor what you say. Gender therapy is about exploring who you are and mapping out a plan to be yourself. You have 'talked' to yourself about yourself and your feelings; now you have a chance to make those internal conversations real and concrete.

Not social? Therapy is not like getting together for coffee; it is a conversation about you and for you. It is your show, and to get your money's worth, you need to be yourself, open and honest. That's not going to happen at once; you need to build rapport. It is natural, though, to be scared the first time.

Make a list of what you need to talk about. I hate lists. You probably want to tell her, briefly, who you are, where you're at, how you got there, and what you need to feel better about yourself. I suspect she will reflect what she heard, and you can correct or confirm what she says.

So, be terrified, and do it, anyway. It is starting; your new life is starting. Come back here to report, and we will cheer you along the way. And you can cheer for me, because I get frightened with each new step, too.

S

[Robert Scott]

I was nervous as hell the first time I went ... but I swallowed hard and did it --- my fear of therapy was far less than my fear of living as a girl longer.  After the first session, I felt much much better.  They are trained to making talking to them easy.  You will be glad you did it!

[JessicaH]

I had my first session a few weeks ago and I was a bit nervous. I had never been to a therapist of any sort so I just didnt really know what to expect. She was a wonderful lady that was very compassionate and I quickly felt very comfortable with her. I soon found myself telling her so many things that I spent my whole life guarding with my life.

My next appointment is on Wednesday and I actualy look forward to it. I have to finish my "homework" which is to lay out what I hope to get from the therapy and her. I think it is her way of getting me to vocalize that I want to medically transition and I want her guidance and support in doing so.

[cyanidearsenic]

So, to update, she didn't have anything next month so I'll be going at the end of this month instead. Eleven in the morning on the 29th, to be exact. I'm still EXTREMELY FREAKED OUT.

Not social? Therapy is not like getting together for coffee; it is a conversation about you and for you. It is your show, and to get your money's worth, you need to be yourself, open and honest. That's not going to happen at once; you need to build rapport. It is natural, though, to be scared the first time.
Make a list of what you need to talk about. I hate lists. You probably want to tell her, briefly, who you are, where you're at, how you got there, and what you need to feel better about yourself. I suspect she will reflect what she heard, and you can correct or confirm what she says.
So, be terrified, and do it, anyway. It is starting; your new life is starting. Come back here to report, and we will cheer you along the way. And you can cheer for me, because I get frightened with each new step, too.

Thanks for replying Simone, I appreciate it. I don't think social is quite the word I wanted. Even thought the conversation is for me the fact that it is about me is the scariest. I don't even like to talk about myself to family or friends! I am glad to know that it's common to be scared at first, I get so freaked out over things that don't even bother most people in the slightest so I never really know if it's normal or not.
I might just take your advice on the list-making. I like making lists (which is good because I have a horrible memory and making lists is the only way to remember stuff, especially when I'm nervous).
I'm going to write those first two sentences in that last paragraph you wrote somewhere I can see it before I go.
I will definitely be cheering for you too.
Rob
They are? I wasn't aware that was part of their training (though it makes sense), then again, I've never researched therapist training much because I'd be completely horrible at doing it. I'm glad you felt better after your first session and hope I do too!
Stacy
I wonder if my therapist will do any 'homework' type stuff, I'd be better at that than direct talking by far. Anyway, congratulations  on starting to see your therapist and enjoying it!

I'll add a comment back at the end of this thread about the session after I go to it TUESDAY.

[Robert Scott]

You shouldn't reget your appointment.  If it feels wrong or goes bad ... find a different therapist.  I just had my 4th appointment and she said she would write any letter I wanted - surgery or hrt --- I am so glad I have gone.  I feel like there has been this big weight lifted off my shoulders.  It is someone who I can talk to that knows I have fears and worries and 2nd thoughts and that it doesn't mean that I am not transgender.  Its nice to have someone who knows what a person goes through and can help you validate your feelings.