Well, I'm only a little bit into transition, having just started HRT (spiro only right now), and I must say: This is all incredibly awesome. People are getting to see what I want them to see, interacting with me on my terms, and my confidence is waaaay up there.
There seems to be something invisible going on: it's alot like people are just getting used to the idea of eventually having me around as Emma. I care less and less what other people think, I'm coming back to performing in the efficient and professional capacity I have been known for, my personality is snapping back into place, but in the way I need it to. I've come to understand that what I'm doing is making it possible to be comfortable and be
myself.
Having come to a nice little settling place regarding this whole process (surgery is still a ways off though- maybe two or three years, depending on insurance / finances), I am viewing my personality transition as more or less complete. There are still little struggles; like working in the field as a scientist where it is completely impractical to wear makeup and a wig, waiting for my hair to grow, killing this facial hair, and not knowing whether I can count on family and friends to accept me when I'm passable enough to be considered full time to them (I wear clothes that a girl would wear all the time, I'm out to all of them, my birth name is gender neutral, and I talk alot like a girl anyway, WTF will be the difference except for essential stealth?). I also know that society will view me as a cross dresser for a while, which
does bother me.
Money is a concern, so I will have to slow down my therapy sessions, but I love my counselor and how far along she has helped me. I will probably continue to go twice a month or something just to support the gender health clinic and talk to this person that I consider a friend. Therapy has been worth it, even if I believed it wasn't at times.
Eh, this was really just a spewing of thought.
