Hi MRH, I really hope you start feeling better, it is very hard to deal with the dysphoria that you have, it is relentless but you asked when it gets easier and it gets easier when you relaize what you have, you yourself mention that you have a wonderful person in your life and your both happy and meant to be with each other and like "spacial" said What else is there?.
Well you want to know what else there is? There is so much for you and if you give up then you will never be able to find out, never think that there is nothing in life aspecially if your young, I am in my 40ies and I remember feeling like you do and I said prety much the same thing but I never though things could get better because I did not know any better, I did not experience very much in my life so how could I say that there is nothing else, and when you realize this then you will be able to plan your future with the one you love and find out about all the things you don't know about, I am not talking about going off to a far away land or anything like that, but lets say you have excepted the fact that you 2 are going to spend the rest of your lives together and be happy, the next important thing to do is to address your gender dysphoria and that is a big step that will lead to you feeling better about yourself and feeling more at ease.
Okay so you 2 are together and happy about that and you are going to do whatever you decide to do about your dysphoria (there are many levels of transition from full to all points inbetween) and then you can start to address other things, you mention -- "I told him if I stay as I am I wont be able to go out and probably wont be able to handle a job because I cant stand people seeing me or talking to me as a woman" so that might be a good time to think about the job part, I like you did not want to go out to work because of the same reasons as you so I thought about things I could do to make $$$ with out going out or a job that did not involve me being around a lot of people, I made a list of everything I could do, a list of my qualifications and then I made a list of things I would not mind doing if I new how or was trained for that field of work and then I would see what might be the best thing to do.
I started a online business and it took a few years but is is doing good now.
You might be able to start a online business or go to school online to learn a new skill, the point I am getting at is that if you plan your life you will succeed for the most part and the planning can even help to keep your mind busy and off of your dysphoria.
And I think that you will find that if you do change into a man you will be happy with yourself and life will still be there to throw problems at you so you are right Theres no saying things will get easier if you change into a man but you and the one you love will be able to handle the problems as a man.
I hope this reply was not too long and I hope it makes you feel better, I know you can do it, hang in there, stay calm and think about things in a positive way, if you need ot talk or anything feel free to email me, aloha from Hawaii.
Jennie
