wow, yeah. not to be a let down, but I don't see you guys lasting either.
One thing he should realize is that just by being with you, he should consider himself gay or bisexual. Because he can't consider himself straight and be with you. that means he's still seeing you as a female. And not using the right name and pronounces means he's only seeing you as a female.
Seems to me like you've made this pretty clear to him on a few occasions. I'd say it's time to give him an ultimatum, because this is not something that you can be flexible on, you don't deserve that.
I would tell him that this is over if he refuses to see you as a male. And he needs to never intentionally call you by your birthname again.
I don't know if that would help, though. because it seems like he just doesn't understand. He can't put himself in your place and imagine what it's like.
I know what that is like. I remember when I was younger I didn't understand cross dresser. I didn't understand what could possibly make them want to do that. but I've always had an open mind. So I researched it. I read what psychologists say about it, I read the explanations from actual cross dressers for why they feel they need to do this. And then I understood. I could put myself in their place and imagine what that must feel like.
Now some people I know do not have this ability at all, I believe. Not that they're necessarily close minded, but just that they have no ability to put themselves in someone else's place and imagine what it's like. "Empathy" I think it is called.
Now I don't know your boyfriend, so i don't know if he has that ability somewhere in him or not. But it does seem to me like right he does not GET what it is like for you. And maybe educating him more about transsexuals in general (not just you personally) would help him, so he would see that you are not an isolated incident or that you are not abnormal (as far as transsexuals go).
Maybe have him read some things about transsexuals like I did about cross dressers. or maybe if it helps him, he could watch some movies about transsexuals ("Boys Don't Cry" comes to mind). I find I can always empathize with characters in movies.
So that's my suggestion, to try to help him understand on a deep level what it is like for you.
And if that fails, then don't put up with him. You don't deserve to be treated like that by him, by anyone who is supposed to be that close to you. Right now I'm just giving the benefit of the doubt by calling him ignorant. But my suggestion would also be to put a time limit on it if you do decide to try and help him understand, give him like a month or so. because you can't indefinitely hang out hope that he will eventually get it.
I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to tell you what to do. I don't know him personally. These are just possible suggestions.
Whatever choice you make, good luck with it
