BIG PROBLEM

[Oinoss]

Apparently just when I was still practicing tucking and taping... My mother purged all her bras, underwear and other articles of clothing that could fit me :0

I HIGHLY doubt its about me, probably just getting rid of her old things she doesn't wear. I am srill looking to see if she just didn't bag em' up and store them

What should I do now? All I got is two panties, my homemade gaff, access to a sports/training bra (One thing she didn't through out *phew*) and a few nylons. My relative (female) is coming over tomorrow.. Should I "borrow" her clothing?

-Brianna

[Cindy]

NO

It is her clothing. Go out and buy your own. Thrift shops, etc are good places to start. Get use to the real world. You stand on you own feet, Stealing another persons clothing is immoral, even if you consider it being borrowing. Unless of course you ask her. And it is time that you considered that with your mother.

Sorry to sound unsympathetic but it's time to face your issues and not hide from them.

Cindy

[Oinoss]

NO

It is her clothing. Go out and buy your own. Thrift shops, etc are good places to start. Get use to the real world. You stand on you own feet, Stealing another persons clothing is immoral, even if you consider it being borrowing. Unless of course you ask her. And it is time that you considered that with your mother.

Sorry to sound unsympathetic but it's time to face your issues and not hide from them.

Cindy

I can't tell my mom/family as they will probably disown me. As for thrift shops - I am afraid of two things: 1) A boy walks in and buys bras, panties and other femme clothing and the receptionist kicks me out 2) Even if I got the articles in question, I have nowhere to hide them My small collection is hidden under past ten-years-of-school projects that my mother probably would never look in. I am wondering if I should keep searching for my mothers discarded lingeries >____>

-Brianna

[Padma]

Are you out to any girls or women who could help you with buying stuff? If not, consider if there are any friends you might be able to do that with. Of course, "borrowing" your mum's clothes is a time-honoured way of "accidentally" outing yourself, because sooner or later...

[Oinoss]

Are you out to any girls or women who could help you with buying stuff? If not, consider if there are any friends you might be able to do that with. Of course, "borrowing" your mum's clothes is a time-honoured way of "accidentally" outing yourself, because sooner or later...

I am still contemplating on what family/friends who wouls be: Accepting, helpful and the biggest one... KEEP A SECRET! So far family is out of the question... I know one or two cousins who may help/accept but they are the biggest blabber mouthes ever >_>. I do have this one aunt with alot of male-homosexual friends... I would think she would accept?

      As of friends... most are male.. so unless one talks to me about there CD'ing to me first.. Male friends are outta' the question. Female friends? Plenty! But they would probably say "I would love to help... But I can't.... I hope you understand.." or just stop talking to me. I am probably going to tell my aunt...

-Brianna

[Padma]

Aunts are good - they often get a kick out of being thought cool, and having secrets from their siblings - take the plunge, and good luck x

PS I wanted to add: it isn't the clothes that make you a woman, so don't let the temporary absence of nice undies get in the way of what you're exploring anyway.

[Cindy]

Dear Brianna,

We are trying to help. We have all been there. You need to talk to someone. Is there a school counsellor you can talk to? There is nothing unusual with young guys getting off wearing female clothes. Particularly nice feminine undies. It is very normal. It does not mean you are TG, it does not mean you are gay, it doesn't mean anything. I would bet that in many many many 'normal'  male female relationships both the male and female do wear clothes of the opposite sex for fun during intimate times. With lots of very normal play.

Adult male and female roles are not rigid, in a loving relationship there is a lot of exploration of each other. Don't get frightened by your feelings, they are totally normal for a boy of your age. It does not mean anything beyond the development of your sexuality, which is again very normal. These are difficult years for you, but do not be frightened. Do try to talk to your Mum or Dad, or a counsellor.

We are of course here for you as well.

Cindy

[Ashley Allison]

Shop online! They usually come in unmarked boxes/packages and are pretty inconspicuous if you pick it up from the front door before anyone is home... Also, I agree with CindyJames, going to a counselor is a good way to work through these feelings

[Padma]

Shopping online is tricky unless you're old enough to have a charge card or paypal account. The aunt sounds like the best bet .

[Oinoss]

Thanks huys for the support! I will find some way to tell my aunt

-Brianna

[wendy]

If you are in high school you can ask a student where they purchased an item you see and like.  You can compliment a girl with a nice hat and ask her where she purchased it.  If you see a guy with a nice hat you might might get all the information you need.  A nice girl you like at school can help you too.

If you have access to a car and some cash you can go to the biggest chain in America (if you live in America).   Most of the time people just do not care if you shop in the woman's section.

Out of your neighborhood you can shop at a garage sale.  You can tell the seller you are in a play and you need some female clothes that fit.  They will be glad to help you and sell you all their junk which will be your treasures.

You can also buy male things that look feminine and female things that look masculine.  Society tends to be more aware of colors. 

[SarahM777]

One thing i found was the time of year can help a lot with the confidence. The 2 weeks before Valentines day and the month before Christmas it is very common to see men in the women's department as they are looking for gifts. (It's actually kind of fun to watch but also being able to sympathize as they seem to be out of their element)
The time of day you go can also help. If you go when the stores are much less crowded it will help with the comfort level. If you can go just say when Walmart opens there is often only the workers in the store at that time.

[JesseO]

SaraM777 - good advice.

I am unsure of your age. I would say if college age, go to the store and just go for it. If anyone asks, just say it is a gift, or for an aniversary or something. If you go to a place say like Victoria's Secret....usually the woman there are really there to assist (and make a sale, of course!). I would just walk up and say something along the lines of "I am very out of my element here. I am shopping for someone, they wear a size (insert size), and I am looking for something (insert whatever you are looking for....lacey, girlie), could you please point me in the right direction?" If they do anything that bothers you, just simply say, thank you for your help, I will try another store. and just leave. I honestly would suggest going to more a botiquey type store than say wal-mart because stores like VS, Fredrick's (although pricey), are specialized to that, and I feel like the "gift" type excuse would be more realistic in a place like that.

Or as far as thrift store type place is concerned. I am sure no one will say anything to you. Even if they did, you could always just snap back with a "what, have you not ever had to shop for a family member who is unable to before??" and I'm sure they will feel like a jerk.

I know it is not quite the same thing, as we ftm's just get mistaken for "dykes" but I feel you. I often always think people are looking at me when I am standing there trying to figure out what boxer briefs I would like to try. Most of the time, people generally do not care. If they do seem to care, just keep in mind you will probably never ever see them again.

[SarahM777]

 brucewaynegotham

I am a bit older early 50's. Part of how i learned to do some of this is i figured i could go out and buy things for my wife when i was married. (After she had called me a number of times to pick up personal feminine hygiene products i got past the embarrassment of that the rest seemed a whole lot easier)

One other thing that most people do not realize is that if you are buying a gift most people will hold it away from themselves whereas
if it is for themselves they will usually hold it close to themselves. (I had worked in retail for a while and had a chance to watch them and it's common for both males and females to do that) So if you do notice that someone is watching just hold it away from you and picture yourself in it. It seemed to help me out quite a bit.

[JesseO]

LOL! I am so sorry....I am not good at writing replies. As for the age, I was actually referring to the original poster - sorry!
If the OP is only 16-17...it might be odd to go into a store and say it's a gift....

SarahM - I thought your advice was great, whether you were 17 or in your 50's.

[Oinoss]

OMG you guys are so helpful This probably is *The* best community I have seen in years. I am gonna add my location so no one guesses... I live in Western canada.

And yes going to the La Senza nearby and asking around for a "girlfriend" seems unlikely and I will probably get kicked out. I also decided against telling my aunt as our grandma/mom is in the hospitial... Not looking good.....

I could try the salvation army store as it was quite empty last time, and all the receptionists aren't pushy like in the feminine stores I've seen.

-Brianna

Edit: Wow aren't I dumb, I usually use "Newest replies for topics" to find out when something is posted. But I came back and looked through 5 different sections to find this had been stickied XD Self-face palm. I thought the mod moved the thread and I wondered... Where would this topic go besides Cross-dressing XD

[Eva Marie]

The thrift store is always a good bet. They literally do not care what you buy, and they have seen their share of TG people as well. I don't believe they sell under garments because of health reasons, so you'll have to look elsewhere for those items.

I have done some shopping at other stores and the only place i have ever been questioned was at the grocery. They like to hold up whatever cosmetic i'm buying and ask loudly if it's mine. Now i'm prepared for that question and i just stare down the checker and answer "yes".  That's also a good tip - have your cover story ready if you feel that you need one. That way you will not get tripped up on your words and say something that you wish hadn't been said if someone starts asking questions.

At large discount retailers when i'm buying girlie stuff i might as well be buying motor oil and charcoal, they just whisk it across the scanner without saying a word.

Another way to look at it is that what you are buying is no ones business, and if they start asking questions you can always get the manager involved. You are the customer after all.

[fleshpull]

Get a PO box, shop online. You can get lots of great used stuff on ebay. Just make sure you set your feedback profile as private if you don't want people to possibly see what you've been up to. I had an exgf (while still in the relationship w/ her) txt me out of the blue one day wondering why I'd bought a dress. :3


Also If you're old enough to have a GF and have your own money, there's not really a problem with going into stores at the mall or whatever as if you're shopping for your GF. I've done it both shopping for a GF and shopping for myself.. it still feels a little uncomfortable even when I'm buying for my GF but the staff has never done/said anything to make me feel uncomfortable. You obviously can't try things on but if this is an old habit for you, you probably have your size figured out anyway.

[Incongruous]

Oddly enough, at least in my experience, people simply just don't care most of the time. Most of the paralyzing terror one tends to feel comes from the artificial conception that everyone is looking and judging... Sometimes someone is, but more often than not people have their own problems and lives to think about.

Holidays are a great excuse for when you feel you need to make one!

[JessicaH]

If you dont have a credit card, you can buy a gift card or visa gift card from target, walmart or where ever then order it online. I have also bought an cheap anniversary card or birthday card (for a girl) along with some nice underthings. Maybe I wasn't fooling anyone but I guess it made me feel a little better...lol.

Good luck!