Changing My Name...AGAIN! Help.

[PandaValentine]

Okay, when I chose my first name, Parker, I didn't really choose it because I liked it a whole lot. In fact I don't really know why I chose it. I wanted the name Jay - Jayden/Jacob/Josh, anything I could really call myself Jay with. It felt like who I was. I changed my name to Parker a year ago. Nobody says it still, they all have trouble. Nobody introduces me as such and they still say my birth name. It just, maybe it was the wrong name! When I say "I'm Jay." It sounds right, it fits. But Parker, It's like I've always stumbled on the name.

I just don't know what to do. I didn't really think things through and I don't know whether living with this decision is something I can manage. This means the money will come out of my surgery funds which I don't like but the fact I'm even considering that means I'm serious about it. I don't know, the only thing keeping me from changing it is the fact that everyone will insult me, saying I can't make up my mind, or refuse to call me it because I'll change it again and again. Thing is I used to have an secret identity I created when I was 13, his name was Josh. He was my way of expressing what I felt I couldn't express with others. Thing is, when I turned 18 I forgot about Josh. I forgot about how much the name 'Jay' meant to me, which is what I always used for short. I never used this persona in front of others, it was for me only. Jay was my best friend, because he was the true me. I know it sounds like I'm talking about an imaginary friend, but it wasn't that at all.

I just really need some opinions on this? Do you think it's worth it to change it again? Sad thing is I left Jay out as a middle name too! I picked something that my friend used to call me because she refused to use the name Parker. Any advice guys?

Has anyone themselves gone through more than one name? It's not the first time I asked others to call me different names. When I was in grade 5, I asked people to call me Maya, because I was still struggling with my identity and though I could solve it I guess by having a pretty female name this girl I had a crush on came up with, and using that to identify. After that is was Mia because it came from my actual name, as well as Mickey which was a nickname growing up. But after that it was always my birth name, and now Parker. But seriously, if nobody calls me it, even my mom forgets because she says its just so weird it doesn't fit, is there any big deal in changing it again? I'm personally fine with it, I don't mind change, I want something fresh. I just feel like the name Parker has been soiled by my depression and  problems since I've had the name. Jay is forever the most incredible name I've ever used to describe myself. I don't know what it is about it, but it's who I am inside, it's the real me. I figure I can keep Parker as a middle name, so my mom can call me if she doesn't feel like changing, but nobody else even tries to call me Parker. My nephew is still young, 4 years old. He sometimes calls me Mickey, sometimes Parker. But he even forgets at times and prefers to call me Mickey which I don't like since I just don't see it was a name I can grow up with. Jay is! Jay is me.

Help?

[PandaValentine]

Thanks C.J. actually I do remember one reason I chose the name Parker. Because at the time if I used the name Jay, people would think I could be a girl. Like I wanted a name to say, I'm a guy, don't get me mistaken but I was stupid with the one I picked. I should have went with my heart. Thanks for the help. I'm going to take a while to think this over for a while, this issue has been hanging over my head for the past year, I don't know why I'm trying to give myself time to get used to a name that isn't me. I also realize names shouldn't be that important but I can't help it!

[JohnR]

You worry too much about what people might think. If you're completely sure that Jay is the right name for you then go ahead and change from Parker. Take the time to think it through.

If your loved ones aren't on board with either Parker or Jay that's their problem.

I have to disagree with you there. When someone can't decide what they want to be called and keeps asking other people to call them by different names, then until those other people can be sure that it isn't just yet another fad name  those other people have every right to carry on using a name they were previously asked to use.

[JohnAlex]

Thing is I used to have an secret identity I created when I was 13, his name was Josh. He was my way of expressing what I felt I couldn't express with others. Thing is, when I turned 18 I forgot about Josh. I forgot about how much the name 'Jay' meant to me, which is what I always used for short. I never used this persona in front of others, it was for me only. Jay was my best friend, because he was the true me. I know it sounds like I'm talking about an imaginary friend, but it wasn't that at all.

Omg, I totally did that too!  All my life I did that.  I thought I was such a freak.  but yeah, I created this imaginary friend, named "Jean", and I always referred to it as a "he".  He was everything I felt I really was but couldn't express IRL.  And I treated it like my best friend and would pretend to have conversations with it.   I don't do that anymore, not since I've realized that I'm trans.  And I've since legally changed my name to "Jean."

But I do have a slight problem with the name.  The name "Jean" pronounced as "Jeen" (like my current name) is generally female.  Sometimes I wish I had spelled it "Gene" which is the male spelling.  Or, if I want to spell is as "Jean" then I wish I had gone with the male pronunciation which sounds like "zhaun" or "shawn."   

I like both ideas, but I just don't like the name "Jean" with the female pronunciation "Jeen."  Since people are already getting used to calling me "Jeen."  I think I may just someday change the spelling to be male. 

[Kohitsu]

When someone can't decide what they want to be called and keeps asking other people to call them by different names, then until those other people can be sure that it isn't just yet another fad name  those other people have every right to carry on using a name they were previously asked to use.

I'd have to agree with that. When I came into college, it was a time when I was questioning my identity, and I've told different teachers over the years a few different names to call me by. It's pretty interesting when you get all those teachers together and they call you by your name and you hear all of the different names you've gone by, lol. That caused some confusion for my teachers at one point. XD But that's ok, I don't expect them to change what I told them to call me by, but if they accept the new name that I currently use, that's cool too.

So you legally changed your name before you felt comfortable with the new name? Doesn't sound like you thought it through, but no worries because legally changing your name is fairly easy, even though it does cost time and money. Growing up I had a lot of people call me different things. Through elementary, middle, and high school, I asked my friends to call me Kohitsu. Then miraculously, in college one of my friends called me Koh, and I was like "Hey, I'm loving this name! And it's not as confusing as Kohitsu." Then later on into my second year of college, I discovered that I was transgender. It was hard picking out a name for me that would scream "male" but was still me (identify as male among friends and in public but my inner self is expressed as a constant balance between both genders, long life story behind that). So in order to compromise by sticking with the nickname I always grew up with and having a male name, I chose the name Kohdy because it has "Koh" in it and sounds like a male name, just spelled uniquely. I also had trouble with the middle name, so I just adopted my father's middle name. If Jay sounds like you, then go for it. I understand what it's like being worried about what other people will think when they hear the name. Maybe try Jay on for a while before making it legal? That's what I did with the name Koh/Kohdy. I waited a year before making it official (actually, I'm doing the legal change thing now xD) to see if it fit and I liked it. I didn't like Koh because it was unisex so most people assumed I was female, and so I know where you are coming from with your name Jay. Ask people to call you Jay (or any other name you want to try on, really) now, and decide whether it will work for you or not.

[PandaValentine]

Thanks for your opinions guys. I actually talked to my mom this morning about it and she was completely on board for me changing it. She said that my name just didn't suit me, and she's more comfortable with Jay. So I've decided to try it out for a month just to make sure I really want it before I change it again.