Not waiting anymore

[Emmy]

I'm young. 18. Living at home. I started therapy maybe half a year ago. The doctor was talking about writing a letter for HRT around the time I had to stop the sessions. This was simply because I couldn't afford it. I hadn't told either of my parents anything. I was to resume the sessions and start HRT hopefully soon after telling them.

But time just flies by. It seems impossible to say anything. I couldn't really decide who to tell first either. I'm not that close with my parents for probably obvious reasons.
I eventually told my dad one day while he was at work. I asked him not to tell my mother and he said he wouldn't.

.. And that's all he said. I told him to email me if he wanted to talk about it or had any questions. He never said the tiniest word about it. He just ignored it completely.
That was great.

But at least it was out of the way I guess. I'm assuming my mom will actually say something but I'm so worried.
She's extremely religious and believes in all kinds of close-minded thoughts.
I don't think there's a way she's going to believe anything about GID and whatnot.
She's probably going to think it's some phase and try to get me into therapy so they can like magically change my brain with hogwarts spells.
I'm sort of scared that she might kick me out of the house. Like, she might say that I have to get therapy to be 'fixed' or I'll get kicked out. I don't know.

I just really don't think she'll understand or accept it.
But then there are some times when it does seem like she might.. And in some ways I think she might even suspect it.

It's just hard to see where she stands with it at all.

All I know is I seriously need to tell her. I can't take waiting anymore. I'm so tired of sitting around at my house doing absolutely nothing. I can't stand going out because I hate interacting with anyone when my body represents something so false. All I do is sit around at home. I've made no effort to get back into school or get a job. My life has just been on hold really. And it's not moving until I can get a move with all this. So I absolutely have to tell her otherwise it's going to be like another year before I know it.
I promised myself I'd tell her before the end of March.
.. And what do you know? The month just ended.

I was going to tell her yesterday, but I honestly would like to just get some responses from others first. I'm thinking of telling her Monday. Since I'll probably be with my parents throughout Sunday so I'd like to wait until after. Otherwise it'll just make that day pretty awkward..

I'm posting here because I'm really scared and could just use some support.
Maybe some ideas for how to tell her as well.
I plan on doing it over email. I've tried it face-to-face and it just won't work like that. I've had some really close opportunities. Once she straight-up asked me if I wanted to be a girl. I couldn't get myself to say anything about being a female.
I don't really want to leave some huge email, but I want it to say enough so that she can understand it's serious.
There was this article on CNN or something about a transgendered child and I was thinking about sending it to her so she could just see that it's real and everything.

so yeah, any input is totally appreciated.

and before anyone welcomes me to the site, I'll go ahead and mention that I'm not new here. I used to have another account but I sort of forgot the name. thankss though.

[Padma]

Hi Emmy, a non-welcome .

There's an amazing Canadian film called She's A Boy I Knew that might help you and your family with this - it's a documentary about the film-maker's mtf transition, where she talks about her experience and also interviews her family, friends and ex-wife afterwards about how it was for them. A very honest, warm, straightforward account.

[Emmy]

Hi Emmy, a non-welcome .

There's an amazing Canadian film called She's A Boy I Knew that might help you and your family with this - it's a documentary about the film-maker's mtf transition, where she talks about her experience and also interviews her family, friends and ex-wife afterwards about how it was for them. A very honest, warm, straightforward account.

thanks a lot
But I'm going to have to pass on that documentary.
The film clearly goes out of its way to stereotype homosexuality as having a relation to gender traits. Not something I'd expect from a transgender film. Pretty pathetic.

I'm not a fan of any sorts of stereotypes and I definitely don't want to have any of them represented when I tell my mother.

thankss anyways

[kelly_aus]

thanks a lot
But I'm going to have to pass on that documentary.
The film clearly goes out of its way to stereotype homosexuality as having a relation to gender traits. Not something I'd expect from a transgender film. Pretty pathetic.

I'm not a fan of any sorts of stereotypes and I definitely don't want to have any of them represented when I tell my mother.

thankss anyways

It does? I must have slept through this rather than watching it..

[Emmy]

It does? I must have slept through this rather than watching it..

I looked it up and saw a few clips from it and it made an effort to say that being homosexual modifies your gender traits, as in a gay male is going to be feminine or a lesbian is going to be masculine. Which is entirely invalid.
You see people use those stereotypes enough in everyday life. There's no need for a video on transgenders to use them as well. Pretty low if you ask me.

My mother has enough negative thoughts towards homosexuality so I'd rather not throw that her way.

Not that I have anything against homosexuals that may match up to the stereotype just like I don't have anything against a heterosexual that might be more masculine or feminine than people expect the gender to be.. I just dislike stereotypes in general. Not everyone is the same as what people might notice.

So I'd prefer to avoid things consisting of ignorant stereotypical use, especially when telling my mom what's up.

---

But aaanyways.
I was thinking of sending something like this article to my mom:
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=3088298&page=1

It might be about children moreso, but it's the same thing. And if she reads all of it then it might help.