Well, I'm sure there are a ton of people here who are aware of my way of transition; probably viewed by many as brave, brazen, and headlong into the fray, and I guess I'd like to address the little things that still eat at me about going completely public so soon.
-I'm doing this at a time of very high financial stress, I am the only provider for my family and between jobs.
-I live in a violent neighborhood rife with gang activity and discrimination.
-I am incapable of full time at the moment by virtue of my body (facial hair especially) and the place I live, though I take every chance I get. I'm absolutely dying to go full time and get on with life.
-I've barely started HRT, but the doctor bills are just too much, and I'm afraid they'll stop care if I scrape up every extra penny I have to move and provide food for my family instead of pay my bill. I'm in the process of finding a sliding scale clinic.
-No one is interested in seeing me as male any longer, but I have to appear as male out of safety, family, and the aforementioned inability to pass without tons of makeup and a wig.
But I'm more of a better person every day
So I sort of jumped the gun. I did not do it out of bravery, I did it because I'm going absolutely insane in the meantime and I needed people to see me and interact with me as me.
Being publicly, visibly trans is not ideal. I'd be okay if that were the end game for me. I'm okay with disclosure, but I'd really rather not wear it on my sleeve. I guess what I'm saying is: Being publicly trans is really, really hard at first, but it's sort of like tempering metal and I'm learning that I'm more okay with it than I thought I ever would be - that's just not where I'm going. I'm sure it will make me better, and once this initial storm has blown over it'll be on with boring every day (awesome) life.
I hope that people look back on all of this in some fond fashion, because I'm bouncing off the walls while I'm cooking over here.
