just ranting. it doesn't change who i am as a person; i've been reminding myself of this and trying to stay positive, but experiencing life through a female body is so weird in a very bad way. and of course estrogen sucks for me. it makes me want to strangle anyone who gets in my way without thinking rationally. i know T may increase my aggressiveness, but at least, from what i've read, you don't get the irrational mood swings so much.
and as usual, my relationship is on the rocks, and i've been avoiding all my friends for about half a year because i and my bf don't want to have to tell them that i'm tg quite yet. the great thing is last night he said that he though he really doesn't want me to be a boy, that maybe that's a lesson he's supposed to learn- that love is bigger than our circumstances. and he has repeatedly said that he's never felt a connection with anyone like he has with me, and he has to be with me, and i feel the same way about him. so that's great. except he wants me to be patient with him and make sacrifices in regard to transitioning. i'm willing to be very patient with him in some ways because i love him, but there's a point where I have to just be real. he still doesn't get that sex and gender don't have to match, so he said a bunch of stupid stuff too. But, he was trying and meant well, and he is open to understanding more, so i'm gonna just forget about it.
the part that is still bothering me is that when he says stuff like that and goes on and on about how important i am to him, it makes me want to be a girl for him. then i sort of subconsciously try, and then i get real depressed and bitchy because i'm faking it. it's difficult to be in a relationship with a person who believes that who you are does not exist.
that's about it. just wanted to complain
