Mannerisms for Passing

[PandaValentine]

(I think I have too many topics on my mind!)

Basically from what I know and was reminded of in a comic is that when us trans guys come out, people tell us how to act or when we appear to be acting in any way that is effeminate. After a recent chat with an old childhood friend of mine, I found her telling me how to act. Now if coming out is supposed to mean being true to who we are, is trying to adopt new mannerisms wrong?

Anyways I do some things that appear feminine, others masculine. I've never been comfortable crossing my legs unless it's with my ankle resting on my knee. That's just how I naturally sit. Now since I still have trouble passing I figured this could be a topic in mannerisms to help guys pass, even if we only adopt these mannerisms as temporary. I have always since I was young, had one hand in my pants, I'm not sure if I learned it, but I do it, just not in public, I think. 

So I thought if any guys would like to discuss the mannerisms they use, or mannerisms guys typically use it could be done here. I'm kind of interested in the whole thing. Like apparently guys lift their eyebrows when they see someone attractive, like a flash.  Women tend to hold steering wheels at the top rather than at the sides, and so on. If I want to pass it takes more than just appearance for me. Also does anyone know of mannerisms that would be different for men than a teenage guy. I know lots of teenage guys tend to slouch down lower when sitting with their legs opened and notice a lot of men sit more straight (maybe a little slouch) and don't keep their legs as wide.

Thoughts?

*Also I realize not all men act in this way, this is just for passing purposes.

[Skys_the_limit]

I don't think there is anything wrong with adopting mannerisms of men, or doing things that are more masculine just because. I feel it's just a way to be more assertive with our gender identity.

I often will adjust the way in which I am sitting. ( I naturally sit with a very straight back) I tend to remind myself to slouch a little, and the car thing is so true, because I have studied. LOL I correct my hands on the steering wheel. There are a lot of other things, but I cannot think of any right now.

[JohnAlex]

Obsessing over mannerisms tends to stress me out, so I tell myself to not even worry about it.  I hate feeling like I'm unnaturally changing myself for the sake of other people.  This was also my argument against wearing makeup as a teenager.  I didn't want to make myself "pretty" for sake of my appearance to other people.  now if I enjoyed wearing make up and looking pretty, than that's different because then I'd be doing it for myself and not others.

Now I understand that some people desperately need/want to pass and their current mannerisms are stopping them.  And if they find it fun or a need to change their mannerisms, that's all great, imo. 
Just for me personally, it's not right for me, I don't find it fun and I don't want to change anything about myself that isn't for myself.

[angiejuly]

I analized ,studied and mastered living with manerizms, speach and acting That where not mine. Made me miserable and I don`t need it anymore. You can have it.

Such as ways of keeping from being called a "F^@ (burned at the stake) and getting a beat down from ignorant guys who cannot accept anything outside the box.
When guys are standing around talking about what they want to do to who evers ass that just walked by.
Don`t say, "Whats a matter, don`t you like girls"?
The beat down comes next.
jkng

You are not wrong to think about this because you did not grow up always treated and living in a boys world. Analize and fall into what appeals to your individual. Men punch there words out boldly and slure there words together. ( something I always hated doing but did for acceptance in ruff situations.)
How you feel is irrelivant to men and talked about to woman. ( just think it)
Knowing what and how your society thinks men and woman should be is for safty and passability in some situations. But living and adopting anything that may not feel natural to you will make you unhappy deep within.
I acted a certain way so straight girls would like me. Almost killed myself doing it.
You cannot generalize how men and woman act. Ignorant people will not think outside the box for you though. I had my act together for them.
Love ya,,, Ang..


 

[insideontheoutside]

For me personally, I was never going to "adopt" new mannerisms or change how I acted for the purpose of other people's impressions of me. I just am how I am. Granted, I'm more on the masculine side just because that is how I grew up. I know there have been vast discussions of how "socialization" in early life implants mannerisms of a particular gender (or a little of both, etc.) so that could be why I am the way I am.

I also understand that there are many out there who are willing to do whatever it takes to be seen as the proper gender. While it's not my bag and my opinion is that it's not being true to myself to change like that, someone else can not help growing up as female and having to live in that world for x-amount of time so it's totally understandable how they'd want to "un-do" all of it.

If you really want to pick up new mannerisms the best thing you can do is be observant of other people. Another thing to remember is that if you start changing your mannerisms it's really hard to make it look "natural" sometimes. If you're trying to walk how you normally don't or stand a certain way or whatever you don't want it to look unnatural and forced. And since it's new and you've spent your whole life acting different it can very well look unnatural and forced.

[HarryP]

The mannerisms question is an interesting one.  There is no question that some elements of body language, posture etc are more masculine than others, and can be useful to help you feel more confident in your masculinity.  I don't think there's anything wrong with watching the way men act and speak, and using your observations to help you pass. It's really interesting, actually!

But, from my experience, there are 2 things to bear in mind.  The most important thing is that your mannerisms should look and feel natural to you - they shouldn't be an act, because you're not pretending to be a man, you ARE one.  And also, match your body language to the kind of man you are, and the situation you're in - for example, I work in a school, so I always use gentler gestures and voice and sit in a more compact way than I do on the train there and back. 

[sascraps]

This is something I've been thinking about too. True, I can't pretend to be someone I'm not, and I won't. But I would like to adopt and naturally have male mannerisms because currently, I don't think my mannerisms are particularly feminine or masculine. But I have some level of social anxiety and am nervous in public, and I think I must look like a complete dork or a loser or something. And I've always wanted to pull it together, not be such a doofus, not fumble around and drop things because I'm nervous about being seen and get paranoid that people are staring. I want to get it together and appear normal, and masculine, like a guy that can take care of himself and isn't a nerd ripe for the next beating. If that makes any sense. 

And yes!! I do hold my steering wheel low on the side! I didn't know there was a difference!