I have a question for y'all

[Amazon D]

Just know being gendered female doesn't mean you can't wear mens clothes or you have to get surgery or take hormones. You can do whatever you want because in the end many of these people here will be gone one day and you'll be left with yourself and thats who you have to please 

[MarinaM]

My posts are drawing too much attention for me to lurk silently.

I urge you all to watch this. This was made before I put up the thread. This is a snapshot of some of the things I believe.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Ermzer0?feature=mhum#p/a/u/1/EazhI6J_LXo

[Pica Pica]

The trouble with your questions for me, are - that you are having trouble with a stage of your transition where people see you as androgynous - whilst we are people who (on the whole) would choice to look so. So it's not about coping with being perceived androgynous (in many cases it's coping in not being perceived so).

[MarinaM]

The trouble with your questions for me, are - that you are having trouble with a stage of your transition where people see you as androgynous - whilst we are people who (on the whole) would choice to look so. So it's not about coping with being perceived androgynous (in many cases it's coping in not being perceived so).

Very interesting. 

Here's the thing- I'm only 4 days into the R part of HRT (over a month on spiro) and it seems like estrogen has already done something to my brain (What?! you say?). The anxiety, the insomnia, the need for acceptance, the incredible feeling of awkward quicksand-ness have all been muted.

Soooo, I'm kind of enjoying the phase a little bit (as of now), but it won't be the end point for me.

Tell me of the joys of being perceived as androgynous, please, if you will

[Pica Pica]

I wouldn't know, alas.

[Amazon D]

Tell me of the joys of being perceived as androgynous, please, if you will

I personally love when people are not sure so they have to be careful how they speak to me and that allows me to act as i please on an individual basis depending on the person. If they thought i was a guy they might act tougher but if they see me as a woman or are unsure then they treat me softer. I can switch them as soon as i decide which gender i want them to perceive me as..  In my case if it comes down to it i can just pull out my ID and then anybody will have to quickly apologize since my ID is female.

i love the  P O W E R 

[Jaimey]

Perhaps the joy of being perceived as an androgynous is not being perceived as your birth sex?  It's a positive step in your journey. 

[Nero]

I went through that period, Emma. At one point, it was 50/50 whether I got ma'amed or sirred. One person would sir me, the next ma'am. All day long. I just went with it. Even though it felt kind of insulting to be ma'amed the way I looked. Because I knew they had to be thinking I was the ugliest, hairiest, flattest woman on earth. 
But seriously, what got to me was when people seemed uncomfortable or hesitant like they didn't know how to take me. As if they had to fit me in a box before they knew what to say to me. I can't see how that could ever be comfortable long-term. But I'm binary. I suppose for someone non-binary, it would be like finally being perceived right.  It kinda sucks that almost every transsexual passes through physical androgyny while androgynes themselves don't often get to.

How did I cope? I just waited for that period to be over.

[MarinaM]

Perhaps the joy of being perceived as an androgynous is not being perceived as your birth sex?  It's a positive step in your journey. 

This is along the lines that I was beginning to think 

I never thought of it as something that I could use to my advantage, I always feel so disarmed when a person sees boy, sees girl, then picks "sir." When it happens I snap right back into "social alpha mode" (that's when you act like a very, very different, very confident male). What I've been doing is maintaining a nearly neutral voice at all times, throwing in unquestionably female now and then throughout my sentences- What I can't help is the shadow (getting fried soon, I hope) and short hair... it's growing, thankfully it's all there. I'm just setting out on these permanent changes, and it's incredibly different from the way I thought it would be- in a good and odd way.

I went through that period, Emma. ...

But seriously, what got to me was when people seemed uncomfortable or hesitant like they didn't know how to take me. As if they had to fit me in a box before they knew what to say to me. I can't see how that could ever be comfortable long-term. But I'm binary. I suppose for someone non-binary, it would be like finally being perceived right.  It kinda sucks that almost every transsexual passes through physical androgyny while androgynes themselves don't often get to.

Thank you sooo much, you have no idea how comforting it is to be reminded that it will be over. When I read what you said about androgynes it made me feel genuinely sad. My curiosity and my need to connect with their perceived "don't give a damn" led me to their forest.

[ativan]

I joined the ranks of low dose HRT for Androgynes about 2 months ago. The relief I felt from spiro was enormous. Now I feel much more like the mental image I see from the feminine thinking or point of view for me. I will never actually look much different than I do now, which isn't even close to that image. The masculine thinking or point of view is in line with how I look to everyone else. I suppose most of that thinking comes from growing up being treated male, especially after high school.

But I decided that the level of anger I had about being me came, for the most part, from the levels of testosterone I lived with. I don't carry that weight around anymore.

There are ways to be an Androgyne and not carrying the extra baggage around that can sometimes come with the territory. As a lot of people know and suspected, small changes in hormone levels can have an enormous effect on a person. It's an alternative to having an androgynous look. But, both of those are ways of being happier and more accepting of oneself. The key is still the acceptance of oneself, irregardless. There's a lot of that (acceptance) in the forest. It does make it appealing in it's effect. I prefer to think that the saddness that people bring with them is dissipated here, even if it ends up being temporary.

[MarinaM]

But I decided that the level of anger I had about being me came, for the most part, from the levels of testosterone I lived with. I don't carry that weight around anymore.

There are ways to be an Androgyne and not carrying the extra baggage around that can sometimes come with the territory. As a lot of people know and suspected, small changes in hormone levels can have an enormous effect on a person. It's an alternative to having an androgynous look. But, both of those are ways of being happier and more accepting of oneself. The key is still the acceptance of oneself, irregardless. There's a lot of that (acceptance) in the forest. It does make it appealing in it's effect. I prefer to think that the saddness that people bring with them is dissipated here, even if it ends up being temporary.

Cool

Here's what I've found: Androgynes are very easy for me to connect with, but I just know I'm personally gender binary (an appropriate ratio may be 80% f/ 20% m... Just as you know, Ativan, that all you needed was lowering of T, I felt I needed E on top of that (and I was right). My idealized self is essentially gender blind, and I may transition to female and then settle on slightly andro female. I honestly don't know whether that is either here or there, but I think it may have been pertinent and worth addressing.

In any case I love the help you've been giving
I've been taking time to read the other threads around here a little bit as well.

[ativan]

I'd be happy about you hanging around the forest. You're also bringing up questions that have answers for most who visit here.
Your point of view, that comes with your questions and opinions are very cool. Hang out here as much as you like.
Also, your videos are great, let us know when there is the next one.
Ativan

[MarinaM]

[Amy1177]

Hey Emma,

I am no where near the transition stage that you are at but for the most part I rarely wear clothes from the men's department.  No family or friends have made any comments to me other that I look too skinny and that my pants are too tight.  I just went one step at a time.  Started with pants that were more feminine but kept the guy shirts, then after a while I would mix a girl's shirt in that does not scream feminine.  Then after a few months I got my second ear pierced.  Seems that if things go slow it is much less conspicuous then just changing all at once.  Also I have been letting my hair grow out for the last 2 1/2 years now.

My parents and one of my sisters are amonst the most judgemental people I have ever met and they have at least been smart enough not to say anything stupid to my face but I know if I went about the process faster it would have caused a bit of a stink.

In regards to your hair growing faster.  I was perusing the internet looking for hair care stuff and I came across a company that claims using there shampoo and conditioner will cause it to grow up to 2x faster.  I have not tried it yet or looked up any reviews so if anyone else has something to say about it would be great.

Is www.nisim.com

[MarinaM]

Amy: The hair and face zapping issues are why I have a timeline. This may make you scratch your head and go "You're a liar." But the voice I used in that video is the one I use at all times, and I never get misgendered on it in either "mode." When FT hits, then I'll polish it up.

That said, 95 dollars!? I think it will only take 8 months for it to grow to a workable length. (8x.75 = 6 inches more, and it's 4 inches long now.)

I wear pretty much whatever clothes I feel like wearing, I wear that same shirt I have on in the video whenever I want. I always mix them though, just to be careful. Usually boy top, girl pants or the opposite. Anyway, move at your own pace. But if you do plan to go all the way, there will probably be no point at which you will be able to get out of your own way. The world will sense what you are and what you're doing, and at that time, you will either jump or not. This can be fun if you try to make it so, which is why I'm hanging out in the unicorn forest a little bit- trying to relax and deal with being between the genders.

[Amy1177]

That's awesome and sounds great.  I guess I am still really self conscious and would be too afraid to go out with my current voice.  I need a lot more practice there.  As for the facial hair I absolutely understand your feelings on that one.  I was going to try the mineral makeup to cover it up when the time comes and unfortunately that time will come with finances as that is the biggest thing holding me back now.  keeping food on the table for my little ones and wife are most important at the moment.

I guess I am just impatient with the hair.  My hair is past my shoulders now but I want it about mid back or lower and would like to go very blond or a fairly bright auburn color.

[Virginia]

OK, bigender unicorn adding my two cents-
On one hand I am extremely binary. I am very uncomfortable mixing my presentation as a blend of male and female. So I present solidly as male and female. But regardless of how well I present, how well I pass,  there is always something tugging at me, tellling me how terribly wrong this all is. We all face our demons...

[MarinaM]

OK, bigender unicorn adding my two cents-
On one hand I am extremely binary. I am very uncomfortable mixing my presentation as a blend of male and female. So I present solidly as male and female. But regardless of how well I present, how well I pass,  there is always something tugging at me, tellling me how terribly wrong this all is. We all face our demons...

I am always fascinated by this view. I wonder, would you prefer a third gender, no gender, or absolute freedom in this regard?

[BunnyBee]

I think the problem is that you identify as female, not androgyne, so you may not find any more relief from your dysphoria in the unicorn forest that you did in the monkey jungle.  Honestly, I think you just belong among the blooms with us fairy princesses .

I do get why you would think of taking this detour to ease your fam into the idea, but like others mentioned, an androgynous, blendy phase tends to happen anyway, whether you want it to or not.   Also, I'm with ya on being able to connect with these fancy androgyne peeps.  Unicorn dust is so glittery, how can anybody possibly resist them!!?

[MarinaM]

I think the problem is that you identify as female, not androgyne, so you may not find any more relief from your dysphoria in the unicorn forest that you did in the monkey jungle.  Honestly, I think you just belong among the blooms with us fairy princesses .

I do get why you would think of taking this detour to ease your fam into the idea, but like others mentioned, an androgynous, blendy phase tends to happen anyway, whether you want it to or not.   Also, I'm with ya on being able to connect with these fancy androgyne peeps.  Unicorn dust is so glittery, how can anybody possibly resist them!!?

But the forest is so beautiful! Firefly lights and glittery unicorn dust... I can imagine magnolias and willows swaying gently in the breeze 

Edit: Am I officially being called back home to the castle to be with the other princesses?