depression

[Marta]

I thought this would be a good place to ask this question because im sure a lot of people here have experienced or are experiencing depression. Ive had bipolar disorder since i was about 11 years old so about 9 yrs now. Its been pretty up and down since it began up until now. Recently ive just been extremely fatigued, i feel very unrested and tired, even though im tired most of the time i still struggle with falling asleep at night. When i wake up even if i sleep all day i still feel really crappy and not tired. I cant stand looking at myself in the mirror, i cant look at my body because it disgusts me, it seems like every single flaw that i have is just extremely noticeable. I really hate who i am, i always wish i could be a different person- i know im not transgendered but i really feel this way alot. I cant stand being in my body, i cant stand being who i am. Im not a bad person or anything but i have always had extremely low self esteem and its starting to worsen now more than ever. Its affecting my relationship with my mom and boyfriend. But I just cant control it, i hate myself and my body and i just want to be someone else so badly. I cant seem to control it and its just driving me nuts i feel incredibly hopeless

[girl_ashley]

A qualified therapist can help you with deal and work with you on your depression.  For best results, I would suggest finding one that is experienced with your scope of other issues so that he/she can work with you on the whole picture.

[SiobhanB]

Marta,

I'm sorry you feel so down, as Ashley says it sounds very much like you need to talk to a professional therapist.

The important thing is to remember that there are people who love and support you, and to lean on them when times get tough.  They'll be there for you.

Do NOT start thinking stupid thoughts about other ways out, many of us on this forum have been there, and it is not the answer.

I'm not sure where you are, but if you can't get the help of a professional therapist, try The Samaratins or Befrienders Worldwide for a more international answer.

You're not alone, there are people there to help you, you just have to let them.

Siobhan.

[Caith]

Marta, I've endured clinical depression since I was 13 or 14, but I didn't begin taking medication until my early 30s.  After several years, Prozac stopped working so well for me, and I was switched between three other meds before settling on Cymbalta, Prozac's time-released younger cousin.  It's been good for many years now, and it helped me understand I have manic moments, too.  What helped me most was attending weekly local DBSA support group meetings.  Here's a link to their web page.   Attending these groups for weeks helped me understand my experience was much, much better than many others.  It put my problem in perspective and showed me my manic and depressive symptoms were relatively mild by comparison.   The other great thing that happened was one night the person sitting next to me had a complete meltdown and I was able to help her greatly simply by being there and holding her until he feelings settled down.

Group and individual therapy is no substitute for proper medication, and it seriously helps you appreciate the need and desire to feel better.  Ask your GP for guidance about bipolar/depression, and it is likely they may refer you to a psychiatrist who will prescribe medications.  Also ask them about recommended therapists, who can help you sort through your symptoms and feelings about them.

I hope you get help for this.  It's a terrible thing to endure, and help is available in many forms.  Sometimes, the most difficult part is simply acknowledging that you need and want to receive help.  You've done that here, and I wish you success in getting help with it.

[JessicaR]

Hi Marta,

  If you were diagnosed at 11 I'm going to assume that you're receiving some sort of continuing treatment.

  Having said that, there's a particular type of treatment that I found extremely helpful called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I had a meltdown halfway through transition and wound up in an outpatient program at a local mental health facility where they taught it. Instead of traditional "talk therapy," DBT is more like a class; it teaches you how to manage the symptoms of your condition.

  I was on SSRI meds for years; they took the edge off but I never truly felt better. This month I haven't taken a single psych med for a year    I'm not suggesting that you, personally, will receive exactly the same benefits from DBT that I did but I have to say that it's powerful stuff. It may be worth looking into.

[Tamaki]

Everyone has given you excellent advice. I can personally vouch for the benefits of DBT, it can be very helpful.

If you were accurately diagnosed with bipolar and I only say that because it seems to be a popular diagnosis lately, then you need to be careful with a lot of the antidepressants since they can cause manic episodes. In treating bipolar the correct mix of medications can be very important. If you don't already have a doctor or psychiatrist treating you that is experienced with bipolar I suggest that you find one.

That said medications are only part of the solution. Therapy and support groups are a very important part of managing bipolar and depression and you've been already been given some very good suggestions.

Hang in there it does get better.

[Princess Rachel]

I was at a LGBT Mental Health networking event last week and one of the reports is that there is lack of understanding around duel diagnosis within the health care services, this is apparently where a mental health issue is not related to LGBT issues but it seems the medical practitioners can't see the lack of connection and so they just tell the person to access a LGBT service, for example sending someone with a learning disability to a social club because they can see the LGBT issue but can't see how any other matter cannot be linked to the LGBT issue.  That's not to say there aren't issues related to being LGBT, I've had a few myself as recently as yesterday