Quote from: Sad Girl on April 21, 2011, 05:39:39 AM
I don't know a single one who lasted for more than 10 years. To the most I saw some 1-2 years. Even the so-called married transsexuals, I never saw a single one lasting forever like the average hetero couples. Even if I saw one lasting for at least 10 years I'd be so happy to see, but none.
Why is this so? Can someone point me out a transsexual couple (a trans woman + the straight man) which lasted for at least 10 years or if not 30 or forever. This would give me be great hope.
My fiance and I have been together 2 years so far. With marriage around the corner and similar goals in life, i don't see it ending anytime in the near or far future.
However i can tell you that the reason why most marriages fail is because of sentiment today to the idea of marriage and has nothing to do with TS. The reason why heterosexual marriages tend to last longer is because of typically children. A lot of them stay because of the kids and when they are out of the house, bam! divorce.
If you want an answer to the question why marriages dont last here are a few:
1) selfishness not love is the motivation to get married. Many people view marriage as what they can get from their partners rather then what they can give. If both people have this way of thinking the marriage is doomed from the start because once one person takes all they can, and when there is nothing left, they will usually leave to find another person. If you truly love someone you put their needs in front of your own, if both people do that the marriage will not fail.
2) ignoring red flags, like most women that make mistakes in choosing men you ignore red flags, like abuse, or quirks in behavior thinking that in marriage you can change these, YOU CANT, you either accept the person as they are or your dont, tension happens when you force someone to change and that eventually leads to divorce.
3) the woman, you know i hate to say it, but i truly believe women today is why marriages fail in general. Guys, no offense but your kind of easy to read and manipulate, typically all you want is food, sex, sleep, and praise. I find men to typically be more mature versions of what they were as kids. When he gets a raise he is excited and wants to show it, you praise him, hes a happy camper, but you scold him for forgetting the groceries instead and hes a sad panda and feels under appreciated. A guy could have the worst day of his life, but when he comes home you kiss him say you love him give him a nice meal and maybe some fun after and he just had the best day of his life, try that with a woman! If i am in a bitchy mood, he better stay the hell out of my way till the storm blows over, there is literally little he can do to make it better, but a lot to make it worse. Understanding this you can see that women have a little bit more power in the relationships since they control how happy or sad their man is with there actions. A man sad enough for long enough will leave, usually because his needs are being ignored.
4) Social pressures are different. In the past if you got a divorce it was taboo, and there weren't a lot of opportunities for women, so they stayed in bad relationships or even abusive ones because they feared having to try to make it again in life so late in life. Now that has changed and women's mentalities have changed and so marriage rates have also changed.
Notice that all i have mentioned is not just TS related. In general people have become different and more selfish and/ or lazy about caring for their marriage. Which is why it fails. If a TS woman does everything right but picked a scumbag, it fails, if she does something wrong for long enough, it fails, but if she does everything right and picked a good man it will last just as long as any other marriage. I know a few people married over 10 years and are TS. That's where i learned what keeps a marriage together.
So have hope, but make sure you are ready to marry when someone asks you, and make sure you truly love them and for what you can get from them materially and emotionally.
Oh i forgot to mention communication, typically women misread men because the typical man doesn't use words to convey feelings but instead uses actions. For example, if while your getting ready for work he goes out and cleans the snow off your car and warms it up for you so you dont have to be cold when you go out; thats his way of saying, I love you. So dont complain when he doesnt say it often, if you see what he does for you, you might find he is saying it in a much better way. My fiance walked 1 mile in a rainstorm to bring me a sandwich for my work lunch and i didnt even ask him to, he just did it since i didnt have lunch and he remembered a 24 hour sandwich place i liked from a previous conversation. That is what i mean, and that is just one of the many things hes done to say I LOVE YOU in his own special way.
