Can you ever get yourself straight in your head

[espo]

When someone (MTF for example) say they finally let their true self out meaning they are allowing their feminine side or their true female self out after years of hiding that side (from other people or even from themselves) it sounds like they are experiencing a huge relief or weight off their shoulders (which is totally awesome). I also know the feminine person they are releasing is their true gender so Im sure I'm not explaining this accurately but what I would like to ask people who identify as being andro is does that ever happen to you? A time when you experience a moment of relief where you even know what your true self is (either male or female) ?  I present female because I have tits but it's hard for me to get who I am on the inside, male or female. Am I gay or straight even. Can someone tell me how totally normal that is, please.

I have decided at times that since I look girl that I will go with girl so I think girl and stuff the boy away but it never really lasts. I can psychologically place myself in a girl mode but it's never really REAL.

[Cindy]

Hi
I know this may sound totally stupid, but I think we feel happy and content with our gender when we accept what we are. I have male secondary sexual organs and I'm female gendered. I'm heterosexual in that I like males. For you, don't sweat the terminology, it doesn't help anyone, who do you like, who do you want as a partner, if you do want a partner.  Do you want to live in a mixed partner relationship? It doesn't matter. The contentment we get from accepting ourselves is just that; accepting ourselves; no matter what we are.

I have a theory that people who are open to their condition, as many people at Susie's are, are open to discuss and never to sneer at other people because they realise what  that acceptance means. The people who reject other people, who are racist, sexist or any intolerant-ism, have never accepted themselves. They have accepted 'values' those values are flawed as they are someone else's values and not theirs.

I'm not sure if I have explained my self or just confused the issue.

Cindy

[espo]

Go with the flow you mean ?

[ativan]

   Acceptance of yourself could be one of the hardest things you'll do in life, or it just may come naturally and easily. Androgyne is never the same for anyone, there isn't a destination let alone a way to get there by going with the flow. Going with what flow? You already are. You just need to recognize and accept. You don't have to wear it or wave your arms or whatever to get to be you. There are no tried and true pathways that you should travel on.

   It's going to be the acceptance of what you recognize as yourself that is going to be your understanding of yourself. It won't always be in that order either, and it shouldn't be.

   I feel like I'm tangled up in a big knotted mess most days. But, it's all me. My goal is to untangle and then blend myself into a smoother person. I relate it to tangled hair, in that some days just a little brushing goes a long ways, other days it may take a good conditioner and a little massaging it down to the roots to get anywhere.

   Then you can be happy with whatever style you want to be. You will be just you. yourself. It's going to be those  'just be yourself'  times that will take the weight off. It's going to be when your styled the way you feel and think of yourself thats going to be those times that are real.

   You decide how you present. The reality doesn't decide how you present, it's you who decides what your reality is going to be. It's the brushing and blending that gives you the clarity to those defining times in your life. As far as being Androgyne, that may be the combination of male and female, or the lack of, that determines what your real gender is.

[espo]

I'm talking about ME when I say this but I'm wondering if I'm not just mentally ill rather then andro. Have you ever questioned that about yourself?

[ativan]

I've thought about the relationships I may have with the disorders I currently work on with a therapist, but, we're not really sure of just what some of those disorders are. Transgender is not a disorder, but there are transgenders that have disorders that have a relationship or are affected by the fact that they are transgender. I also see a psychologist about being an Androgyne, but that has more to do with me taking spiro to lower my testosterone. They are aware of each other and how my disorders fit in with being an Androgyne. The reason I see both is that my regular therapist is more concerned with the various disorders I have and how they relate to each other (Me), while my Psychologist is mainly concerned about how spiro is affecting me. They often will ask me whats up with the other one and how thats going.

I am more aware of being an Androgyne than I am aware of my disorders. They are two very separate things. My disorders are very interrelated. Of course they have an affect on each other, but not anymore than, say my driving style, how I cook, the movies I watch.......

Being Transgender is not in itself a psychological disorder, if that is what you are asking.

[Laurry]

Hi espo

The short answer to your question about letting out who you are, and the potential feeling the relief that can bring, is yes.

I'm not sure if that relief came from admitting I wasn't male (and thus could quit pretending) or from understanding that I could exist (and be happy) as neither male nor female (or perhaps as both male AND female...it's a tough call sometimes).

Even more confusing is how to answer the question about gay/straight/bi/whatever.  If you aren't male or female, but are attracted to feminine (be it female or androgyne), what does that make you?  Gay in the sense that I like other androgynes, bi in the fact that I also like females, or pan in the fact that I am attracted to the person and not the gender?  Plus, with starting hormones, it's always possible that males could enter into this mix...I already find some transmen to be very cute and sexy, even if they are guys).

Sadly, anybody that has ever read any of my posts can tell you that I'm not a good person to ask about "normal".  For me, that is some distant idea that both calls me hauntingly and repulses me at the same time.

...Laurry

[Pica Pica]

Relief - I got so much relief when I discovered the concept of androgyne, the pressure of having to worry about being a male or a female gave me so much more room to just get on with things and enjoy them without a sense of disconnect.

As for straight, things are never completely straight - it's all a bit wibbly, however, it seems to be a wibbly world.

[Jaimey]

Accepting yourself really can be a weight off...as in, don't worry about how you are.  That's how it was with me regarding gender, but there are other things about myself that I feel the same way about...personality aspects.  I've certainly questioned whether or not I'm crazy at times.  But mental illness has nothing to do with one's gender.  Mental illness has more to do with one's perceptions of the world and one's ability to be in the world rather than perceptions of oneself, I would think.

[Eva Marie]

I'm talking about ME when I say this but I'm wondering if I'm not just mentally ill rather then andro. Have you ever questioned that about yourself?

I'm bigender and when I start to talk about "her" and what she wants sometimes it all starts sounding a bit too fantastic, and then i start to wonder if i'm crazy 

Other folks on this thread have already hit on the important points, but I just want to say that acceptance of yourself is a process with stages. It takes awhile, and sometimes you backtrack a bit.  The process of acceptance took me a number of years, but I'm finally most of the way through it now.... and i've finally realized that i'm an OK person, with a few interesting details LOL......

[espo]

Acceptance of myself ?  Damn. That's freak'n genius and bull->-bleeped-<- at the same time.


  (I say that crossing my fingers no one takes offense cuz I totally respect and appreciate what everyone has written here)

[shelly]

Think this has got to be the best named thread ever, well for me anyway. Feel at times as if i can get my head straight,or should i say there at times when both sides of me work together and i have no issue with myself,however it really dont take much for all out war to take place that is when the dominant female side takes over. I always fall short of wishing i was a woman, but to be able to get up and put on whatever clothes i wanted without restrictions and do my own thing would be bliss, strangely enough i can do that most days anyway, but ive got to wait untill my kids go to school and go back to normality when they get home.

My eldest child is aware that i do come across female at times and my youngest is just oblivious to what goes on around her at the moment, i just wish there was an easy way where the other side of me didnt feel like it was caged up and only allowed out at feeding times, just never came across anyway to keep both sides happy.

[ativan]

Most genius is acceptable because it can be stated in such a way the it can be understood to whatever degree of intelligence it is being used at.

Us freak'n genius always run the risk of sounding like just so much bull->-bleeped-<- because freak'n is a level that is hard for some to work with.

[espo]

LOL

[Juliet]

I'm "freak'n" but without the "genius" part -  so I don't even understand MYSELF sometimes

[Fenrir]

Yeah, I was really relieved when I realised that one could be androgyne, that there were other options than male or female because I'd tried being both alternately and neither were right. So there was that initial sense of weight-off-your-shoulders, yes.
I suppose the relieved feeling comes thereafter when you realise you can just do what you want and whatever comes naturally to you. You're not happy as you are? Try changing things. What seems the best way for you to be? I know these questions look deceptively simple written down but there they are nonetheless... 
Sometimes my head's clearish, sometimes it isn't. Sometimes feeling like I should be more male, sometimes my female presentation is best, sometimes both of these ideas repel me. That's life. I still don't really know what I want to do about it all, as in what the best way for me to be really is, but I'll work it out. Same as with half the people of this world, especially those currently growing up, however old they may technically be.
So yeah. Not to sound like a hippy or anything, but go with the flow. 

[espo]

I'm "freak'n" but without the "genius" part -  so I don't even understand MYSELF sometimes

Your degree of freak'n is at a level of genius it's just you're not at that same level which is why you don't understand yourself hehe 

[Juliet]

Your degree of freak'n is at a level of genius it's just you're not at that same level which is why you don't understand yourself hehe 

I've been trying for a month to show you my degree of freak'n but you won't let me

LOL

[Laurry]

You guys are freak'n me out, ya freaks

[MarinaM]

I love this corner of Susan's