Better off dead?!

[Shimei Valentine]

So once again I had a bad argument with my parents over me being transgendered. They are extremely religious and say this is a horrible sin. They kept relating it to homosexuality, which I told them has absolutely nothing to do with it. I told them there are no verses in the Bible against this, but they kept bringing up the "Men should dress like men and women should dress like women" in the Bible.

I used to be extremely depressed and cried all of the time. I wanted to die almost every day of my life until I came to terms with my identity. I have been extremely happy since I've starting transitioning, and would never dream of turning back. I asked my parents if my happiness meant anything to them and they literally told me that they would rather me commit suicide than live happily this way. So to them, I'm better off dead.

(I cannot leave the house because I have nowhere to go and no job. My health is not good at all and I can't hold down a job...but I would love to get out of this house so much.)

I don't know what to do. I have a migraine over this and I'm stressed to the highest point. I can't believe they would say that to me. My own parents...

[xAndrewx]

More people twisting the words of the bible  but it's pathetic that they can say that to you and call themselves your parent. I'm sorry man 

[JasonG86]

First of all let me say I am sorry that your parents would say that to you. try looking into your local LGBTQ services and see if there is anything they can do to assist you with housing of some kind. Some places have services like that others don't.

[Randy]

OOOooo child! Been there. Not a fun place to be. If it's any consolation, my parents started off very much on that note, and are now pretty much completely supportive. There is hope! Even though I know it doesn't seem like it now...  

[jmaxley]

You may be able to get low income/section 8 housing.  If you're unable to work, you may be able to get disability.  Either of those (or both) will help you get out. 

I hope things work out for you.  It's rough when you're family's like that. 

[N.Chaos]

I was going to suggest the same thing jmaxley said. If things are that bad, you need to get the hell out.

[sascraps]

Forgive me for saying so, but that's horrible of your parents to say! I know they're your parents and all, but not even the most religious parents would honestly want their child dead! Maybe if you were a serial killer or something really awful but no parent should wish for their child to be dead!  🙁 I'm sorry your parents are so unaccepting.

I've been through similar stuff, I come from a religious family too. Well not that religious, but religious enough that I grew up without TV, radio, books or anything. And it's been a long fight, but I think my mom's pretty defeated by now in knowing that I'm going to be my own person no matter how much she hates it. Although, she does sometimes still tell me that she still has hope that one day I'll stop wearing black clothes, stop listening to all music all together, and find God.        ... Uh, yeah.
But then I haven't dropped the T-bomb on them yet. I was thinking a simple Mother's Day card "from Son" this year. But that would just be evil and probably cause WW3. So I'm undecided. 

Anyway I hope things will get better for you, man.

[Miniar]

they kept bringing up the "Men should dress like men and women should dress like women" in the Bible.

... Does your mom wear pants?
... Do your parents wear "mixed fibers"?

There's also;
1 Timothy 2:9
"Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."

Just noting..

[Maddie Secutura]

Do they eat seafood or pork products?  Both, according to the bible are abominations.  Essentially your parents are guilty of cherry picking if they don't follow strictly to kosher law.  If they're going off the bible, you might use this to your advantage as the bible completely contradicts itself all the time. 

Then there's John 13:34-35

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Clearly by telling you you're better off dead they're in direct violation of the bible. 

But if you really want to get techincal about the law as it pertains to men and women, look no further than Galatians 3:17-29.
It basically it says that no one is saved through adherance to the law alone but through faith in Jesus Christ.  We are all in one union and there is no difference between man and woman.

As long as you quote the correct text, you can justify anything according to the bible.

[mowdan6]

I'm in total agreement with Maddie here.  Just want to add...many people think that the Bible contradicts itself.  And it is because they take Bible verses out of context.  They don't read the complete passages.  They don't get an understanding of....who were these passages written to?  And many forget....we are not under the law anymore....we live under Grace!

[Maddie Secutura]

As for myself, I'm an athiest.  I just happen to like looking up loopholes to rules in the Player's Handbook, I mean Bible.  So if you need more help digging up rules in the book to help argue your case, as clearly you won't be able to sway them through an intellectual argument, I'll be more than willing to help.

[niamh]

Unfortunately there is no arguing with religious nutjobs. Sorry to hear that things are tough. If I were you I'd start planning an exit strategy. Sad that their love for their child is conditional on a bunch of fairytales written on some mouldy papers two millennia ago.

And you are not better off dead. You owe it to yourself to live and not give in.

[mowdan6]

Not to be arguementative....just two sides to everything.  I am a born again christian.  That is why my mom tried to use the Bible against me.  And that is why I knew the Bible enough to show her the error in her thinking.  Before I transitioned, I was very suicidal, self-harming and had given up on God.  By not giving in to her narrow thinking....and that of my church (at the time), I have been tranisitioning successfully and my faith in God is to the point where...I say as David said....God is the strength of my life.  OK  OK...I'll stop preaching.   Just want to make the point that...a person can maintain their faith, and be who they are. 

[emil]

a parent telling their own child to kill himself is a murderer in my eyes. they may think they're good christians but they sure are the worst parents. unconditional love are the condensed basis of both parenthood and christianity. and by the way, suicide?? --so they're asking you to commit a huge "sin" in order not to commit another "sin"? it sounds like they're asking you to commit a sin that's easier to explain to the neighbors than transition....



(i just never come around to understand how people came to believe that the bible does not tell you to live and let live (happily) but to live and torture everyone else with one's convictions derived from personal interpretations of verses. also, i don't believe there's a WAY to read the Bible correctly, seeing as we have long lost all time reference and no one's a native speaker of Old Aramaic and the English translations rely on older translations into Latin...)

[JohnR]

Could you quote exactly what your parents said to you?

[insideontheoutside]

a parent telling their own child to kill himself is a murderer in my eyes. they may think they're good christians but they sure are the worst parents. unconditional love are the condensed basis of both parenthood and christianity. and by the way, suicide?? --so they're asking you to commit a huge "sin" in order not to commit another "sin"? it sounds like they're asking you to commit a sin that's easier to explain to the neighbors than transition....

(i just never come around to understand how people came to believe that the bible does not tell you to live and let live (happily) but to live and torture everyone else with one's convictions derived from personal interpretations of verses. also, i don't believe there's a WAY to read the Bible correctly, seeing as we have long lost all time reference and no one's a native speaker of Old Aramaic and the English translations rely on older translations into Latin...)

This. Exactly.

And to add to that 2nd part, everyone that gets wrapped up in the bible seems to totally forget the times it was written in (and the fact that it was written and re-written by whomever was in power at the time).

[quinn]

Hey, I'm really sorry they said that to you. That's just so cruel. If I were you, I would do everything I could to somehow get a place of my own, because emotional abuse like that can be very damaging. I don't know your exact circumstances, but are you sure there aren't any jobs you could do? I'm pretty sure the law requires that employers make any accommodations you need to be able to do your job. Could you apply for some sort of financial assistance from the government? The only other solution I can think of for getting out of your parents' house is if you have a friend, or an accepting relative, who would be okay with you living with them. 

[Dominick_81]

I am so sorry your parents said that to you. That is so wrong to say that to your child. Totally not christian like at all.

I've talked to a catholic priest and I told him about that bible verse about women wearing men's clothes and men wearing woman's clothes I can't really remember what he said, but I don't think he said it was a sin. But I didn't ask him if it was a sin or not, but I didn't get the impression from him that it was a sin and he said I wouldn't go to hell for this b/c I was really worried I would go to hell b/c of what I'm doing. He was saying something like this is the reality, things like this happen. He said a lot more stuff but I just can't remember what he said.

[Arch]

I'm sorry your parents are being such...a-holes. Dominick is right, they are not being very Christian.

There are some books that might give you some ammunition if you have to fight fire with fire. The ones I know of are geared toward homosexuality, but I think they might also cover transsexuality in a special section--or maybe some of the same passages apply.

There's Helminiak's What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality. I started reading it but never finished.

Also, Hate Thy Neighbor, by Linda Patterson.

You can find one of these and use it to find other books on Amazon. Then see if the books are available at a local library or even a public university library. Even if you can't check out the books, you can read them in the library and take notes.

But in my secondhand experience, most people like your parents can't really be argued with, even when you use Scripture. You might need to just wait and see what happens. And if you can, maybe find a trans-friendly church in your area and talk to the minister/pastor and have some conversations with that person.

FWIW, I have a friend whose heavily Roman Catholic parents finally came around and are very supportive now. It can happen.

[niamh]

I am so sorry your parents said that to you. That is so wrong to say that to your child. Totally not christian like at all.

I've talked to a catholic priest and I told him about that bible verse about women wearing men's clothes and men wearing woman's clothes I can't really remember what he said, but I don't think he said it was a sin. But I didn't ask him if it was a sin or not, but I didn't get the impression from him that it was a sin and he said I wouldn't go to hell for this b/c I was really worried I would go to hell b/c of what I'm doing. He was saying something like this is the reality, things like this happen. He said a lot more stuff but I just can't remember what he said.

Why does it matter what he says?