Im not sure if this belongs here, if thats the case, feel free to move it..
Anywho.., We, as people, trudge along, the usually well trodden path, and many of us rarely notice the overgrown paths right next to us.
I've became close to a friend who is, guess I'll say, a therapist even though he doesnt know it. I opened up, was 100% honest, and of course, he revealed some secrets about himself, as did I. Throughout our discussion, I began to wonder, at which, I began thinking deeply about myself.
This was right after I registered here mind you, and Ive been thinking nonstop, especially at work while Im putting up stock..missed my calls for customer assistance a few times..Anyway...
This is what I discovered about myself, it may or may not be 100%, but I feel it explains alot.
---------------------
I once had goals, ambition, drive...I once was in love, to a woman named Diem. She was smart, caring, extremely laid back, not to mention gorgeous. We were closer than my entire family and I. We both delighted in each others company. I would have given anything to make her happy, even at my own misery. Then, she had to move. She was originally from Thailand, and her family has a deep sense of tradition and loyalty to ones family, so of course, she chose her parents.
Shortly after that, I noticed I had lost something...my attitude had changed, my goals felt out of reach...I lost my ambition and drive...most of all though, I lost the woman I loved. During my "soul searching" I guess you could say, I came to relieze I am, infact, not transexual. The void I felt within myself, I was trying desperately to envision her within me, to make myself whole again. But it seems, doing so in my depressed state, I got mixed feelings about who I really am. Guess I still need a therapist....Me and Diem have been..apart for quite a while, but I just cant let go...Are all *first loves* this hard to let go?
It is true however, I think womans lingerie is extremely sexy, and Im a big fan of breasts, but thats about it. I have no desire to paint my nails, get my hair done, shave my legs, or any of that other stuff. It is also true, while I was younger, I did wear some of my sisters clothing, and the way I feel has changed many times. It is also true, that I wish I could live as a woman for a day, or even a few weeks, but not my entire life(that I have remaining anyway).
I have always had a few friends who were, for lack of better terms, gay. Ive accepted them, Ive never been around, nor thought much about transexuals. But over the past week or so that I've been here, Ive notice MTF's are really, nothing more than a real woman, sure, may not have PMS(which is a good thing), but they face their own problems. And the same can be said for FTM's.
That said, I have found my inner demon, and now the task that remains is to get it out of me. I appreciate all the support I got in my short stay here at Susans, and will always consider yall as family.
I have officially stepped off my well trodden path of normality though, back onto my original path that is now, covered in dust and weeds. I will pave my way once again, and can already see a light, now that I understand myself a little better.
In closing, Thank You All so much for everything, and I wish yall the best of luck.
P.S. Contrary to what they say, Love really does feel warm and fuzzy...
P.S.S...I must say this..I think Tinkerbell is the most attractive out of all you ladies
Good night, ladies and gents.
