my mom refuses to accept me as a man :/

[VilleJuroKuurinen]

I live in Finland and its not exactly open to trans people. where i live its kind of a close minded town XD so i've been out to my mom for 2 years now, and we've had discussions about me being trans and everything. and she was alright with it at first, and then she started worrying what everyone else will think about her parenting or whatever. And shes telling me stuff like "your a girl, you were born a girl and you will always be a girl. you are a she not a he and vice versa. Over the past 2 years i have asked her to call me Ville (pronounced Veel-eh) and he. But she cant do it :/ I'm almost 18 and i'll move out soon for university but i want us to have a good relationship and meet my girlfriend, i dont want her to embarress me and call me a girl. I have no idea what else i can do. Has anyone been in a similar situation??

[wheat thins are delicious]

There's really nothing to do about it, except cut off ties from her if she doesn't change.  Don't go in public with her.  Tell her it's dangerous for her to call you a girl in public, especially if you pass as male.  You can't change one's way of thinking.  Maybe come to an agreement that she just call you "child" or something in public with no pronouns or names.  That's what my mom does for me.

[mixie]

I live in Finland and its not exactly open to trans people. where i live its kind of a close minded town XD so i've been out to my mom for 2 years now, and we've had discussions about me being trans and everything. and she was alright with it at first, and then she started worrying what everyone else will think about her parenting or whatever. And shes telling me stuff like "your a girl, you were born a girl and you will always be a girl. you are a she not a he and vice versa. Over the past 2 years i have asked her to call me Ville (pronounced Veel-eh) and he. But she cant do it :/ I'm almost 18 and i'll move out soon for university but i want us to have a good relationship and meet my girlfriend, i dont want her to embarress me and call me a girl. I have no idea what else i can do. Has anyone been in a similar situation??

Hey I'm a cisgender mom of an 18 year old boy.  I have three sons and so far all of them are not transsexual.  But  my two oldest sons are Muslim and half Egyptian.  Although (as you can see by my avatar, I'm a lily white chick)  my oldest son is a dark skinned boy. He's got kinky hair and very dark skin.  As I've lived in this neighborhood (Brooklyn NY) for several years I've had to take my son around and introduce him to people who do not realize he's my son.   

I never had a problem dealing with any sort of racism or prejudice until 911. happened.  Then I freaked out and felt as if I had doomed my kids. 


I think your mother might be not embarrassed by you, but afraid for you.  I made an ASS out myself after 911.  I had named my kids sort of unusual names that didn't exactly sound Muslim or Arabic and then it turned out one of the suicide bombers on the plane had the same name as my son  Zead.

For two years I was a complete twit.   I felt guilty for him (dumb) embarrassed for the jerks that made comments afterwards.(even more dumb)  Can you imagine someone saying to a 10 year old boy  "Hey Ahab,  taken any flying lessons lately"   This at a dinner party with friends!!!


Let your mother find her way.  Try to understand she's trying to rearrange herself as a mother to protect you.  Keep in mind that even the worst mother will often feel that she's responsible for you and how you are treated in the world.  As a mother this is often visceral, it is a totally unique experience.  To explain  "What would it look like if your soul became a physical entity in the presence of someone abusing her child"  Uh yeah. 

Have you been demonstrating any struggles to her lately?  Often mothers will launch into "FIX" mode, when you just want them to listen, you want a safe port to unload.  But the fear a mother feels overwhelms her.

It overwhelmed me many many times.  And I have made the worst mistakes in my life as a mother of a teenage boy.   So love her and forgive her, and accept her as your best advocate.  Which she will be if she can figure out a way to do it.

She will.   

Giving you an old song for your journey!  PM if you need Mom advice!  Sending you much love and

BE WHO YOU ARE!!!!

Even through the darkest phase
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin

Constant craving
Has always been

Maybe a great magnet pulls
All souls towards truth
Or maybe it is life itself
That feeds wisdom
To its youth

Constant craving
Has always been

Craving

Ah ha
Constant craving
Has always been
Has always been

Constant craving
Has always been
Constant craving
Has always been

Craving
Ah ha
Constant craving
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been
Has always been



Copied from MetroLyrics.com

[cookiekangaroo]

I deal with the same thing here in Missouri, my mom is convinced that it's a phase I've been going through for damn near 21 years.

[HarryP]

I understand your difficulty mate - my mum has only just started accepting my change of name after 3 years of transition. She still hasn't got her head round changing pronoun yet either. However, keep being respectful and understanding of your mum - it will be hard for her, but as long as you give her the information she needs to understand your transition, and give her time and space, she'll get there. In the mean time, spend your university holidays maybe visiting friends or doing voluntary work, so she gets to see that you're happy and confident in your new role. Good luck mate