Why am I still afraid?

[Ashleyjadeism]

So I'm so afraid to come out because I don't want kids at school to beat me up or pick on me... But lately a guy in my grade has started wearing girls clothing, talking, and acting like a girl, and noone has said anything. He even wore a dress and makeup to prom and still noone has said anything to him. I honestly think noone cares at my school.

That said, I'm still afraid for some reason... Outside of school I'm completely open about who i am, but go back into hiding for school... Why am I so afraid?! Noone questions anything I do, because I've established a reputation for being weird... But yet I still hide myself...

Any advice?

[tekla]

Most of the prisons people live in are prisons they built themselves.

[spacial]

Most of the prisons people live in are prisons they built themselves.

This!!

[nickikim]

When I was young I was afraid too, now I can only regret the time I`d wasted, trying to hide myself from myself.  Don`t do that , be who you are , if you`re afraid someone will hurt you, LEARN TO FiGHT , or just cross country run.    Most people in prisons , just lack the determination to escape.   

[lexnotluthor]

Hello! New here. I wanted to say that I think your fear is very valid. You never know what anyone's mental state is from moment to moment and protecting your own safety and interests is never a bad idea. However, this shouldn't come at the expense of things you truly need to keep on living happily. If you're open outside of school but in the closet at school, what's creating the difference? Is it the pressure of having dozens of people around you?

One thing I think would be good to keep in mind is that if you don't ask for help, you most likely won't get it. Nobody's a mind-reader, so if you never express how you're feeling nobody can accomodate you. That doesn't mean walk in one day and tell everyone you see, necessarily... but you could start by telling someone in authority and get some allies on your side. Try vetting out a teacher or principal or counselor you trust and tell them how you feel about transitioning. Do your parents know? Naturally, don't do this if it could be dangerous to you, like you think someone is going to react really poorly. But if you can find someone to get on your side they can collaborate with you on your next step and make it easier. I know from experience that the worst way to do it is to show up one day full-on and have a room full of people look at you and go "...what."

Good luck!

[Padma]

I was wondering if you could talk to the guy in your grade who's already going trans about buddying up one day, so you get some support in being there as you want to be?

[Tracy Stevens]

Most of the prisons people live in are prisons they built themselves.

That quote is so true. That's exactly what i have done.

[bethw]

That's a great idea Padma. If they say "no" at least you tried. If they say "yes" you've made a new friend a supporter.
Hugs
beth

[annette]

If you go in dress too they may think the whole school is contaminated, no, just kidding.
You see what the reactions were, not too bad after all.
So, you can take your change now, it seems that you're in the right place to start now.

And what Tekla said is so very true (most of the time she is true about issues) you make your own prison.
But you have seen someone escaped, why don't you escape too, they leave the door open.

a lot of courage wishing for you, go girl, be the one who you are, when you never make a gamble, you never win.

hugs
Annette

[Amy1177]

Try going about it slowly.  Just change up your pants once in a while.  As your confidence builds and the escape tunnel out of  your "prison" gets closer and closer to freedom you'll be okay

[Ashleyjadeism]

I dont want to buddy up with the other kid, because quite frankly he is creepy... I've talked to him before and he is just weird... I have other transgender friends at school, there's five or six of us trans kids at school, only one (the weird kid) is open about it.

I'm really worried because I seem to have pissed off one of my transgender friends and she may out me at school...

[tekla]

only one (the weird kid) is open about it

Free people are frequently weird, that's their reward for being free.

[Ashleyjadeism]

This kid is off his rocker... He uaed to hang out with the certifiably insane girl at school...

[tekla]

Hey, it's great to love crazy, until crazy loves you back (theater saying)

[bethw]

I'm sorry Ashley. I guess I spoke too soon. If the kid is a creep, don't get involved with him. Our lives are tough enough.
Hugs
Beth

[spacial]

This kid is off his rocker... He uaed to hang out with the certifiably insane girl at school...

When I was at college, there was a guy who kinda went a bit mental. He started saying he was gay, then bi. Dyed his hair bright green. Got into punk rock, big time, (it was the late 70s). He even tried pearcing his own ears with big nappy pins, ended up with an infection. Called himself Jessie and generally, he was OK in very small doses.

One time, he came round to my house, which I was sharing with a guy. My friend took him out, mainly because I just didn't like him very much. They both got arrested because Jessie, apparently tried to steal a cassette tape from a car, sitting at traffic lights, with the window open. It was opera!! Jessie siad he took it because he thought it was so bad it had to be destroyed. I spend several hours talking to the police so they wouldn't charge either of them.

That head case is a very respectable barrister now, married to some public school educated woman, 2.4 children and a house in some better part of town.

[nickikim]

If you do come out at school, do you have a plan? If your friend outs you, claim it, own it, then the presure is less, take pride and love yourself.

[Morrigan]

If you have a good number of trans friends at school, would they stick up for you, or are they afraid of being found out? If they are so afraid for themselves that they aren't willing to back you in your decisions, are they friends? Schools are usually full of cisgendered straight/bi/gay people who are glad to back someone up, if nothing else, standing up to someone is like its own reward.

[Jennie]

I know how scared you must be but if you do that one thing that scares you the most then after that you will not be scared, you would have won over your fear and it is a liberating and empowering feeling, you will find most people are fine with it.
Also you are so young and you have such a happy life infront of you (not to sy mine will not be happy after transition) but do not wait until your over the hill so to speak, I think your going to look even better than you do now just keep going forward, aloha from Hawaii.

Jennie

[nickikim]

What they said, times two.