Man, I truly know what you're feeling. I get down like that a lot, feeling like I could never be good enough. Like, no matter what, I'll always be someone who doesn't fit in and isn't acceptable. As in, I could stay a fat, ugly girl or be a fat transguy, or if I become a thin but masculine woman who comes across as a bull dyke or if I become a thin transman without a penis, I'm always going to be someone who doesn't fit in to the expectations of most others. Although, through this forum, I did learn that gay guys will date transguys, and that blew my mind since I thought you'd have to have a penis to get a gay guy, whereas likewise, you have to have a very feminine, leaning on the slutty side sort of appearance to attract straight guys. And it sucks big time being stuck somewhere in between everything, being so undefined and having others find a way to define you. For me, I'm just called a dyke, a man-lady, and an it mostly. I had to go to Walmart again the other day, and I thought I had been passing like 99% in the last few weeks because most people wouldn't bother about me with the nasty glares like I always had before. Then this new lady pharmacist I hadn't seen before (I was picking up my grandma's meds for her) addressed me as ma'am, but did so with a smile and was totally unprejudiced to my weight and male appearance. So maybe it was just the confidence I had in thinking that I was being taken as male? And then I realized it's probably the D-cups there that give me away, and felt like everyone must think I'm a lesbian. Argh! -sigh- What are we to do? Being in-between sucks.
