Not sure if I'm alone in this

[Staci3336]

Ok, so I wrote this last night then deleted it. Im newer here, but not new to Susan's as I was a regular back (way back) in 1996. This place helped me through the darkest hours of my life, marriage ending, coming out, suicide attempts,etc. (etc is an understatement). Unfortunatley I thanked my support by going back into the closet and purging all thoughts of anything TG for quite a while. Obviously it didn't work, but when I recently came back to my sanctuary, I was a much different person, more understanding of who I am without so much guilt. So then comes last week and I stumbled on a thread about older TS's which to be honest was not really too nice. I'm ok with it as I think we need open dialog, but I have to say since then I really feel odd about posting now. I just want to say just because I am over 40 (which sucks in itself), and I have not transitioned, I am not some sort of perverted freak or home-wrecker with no conscience for those close to me, nor am I any less than a woman than I was or am.  I feel like even here now I am judged, by how old I am, what I look like, everything. I just want to say, I am not perfect, nor am I some low life loser which has no cares for the one's I love. And just because I didn't complete transition doesn't make these feelings/thoughts/hell any easier.  I wish I could make this all go away so I never needed to come here, but I can't! I'm sorry to vent, but I feel it, and maybe others do to,, we are not SEGMENTED by age, looks, burden, or anything else.
Please tell me we are in this together, because in case you have not noticed we are alone and no one really understands,, the best we can hope for is acceptance, which we have a hard time with ourselves.
Just need to have laugh, a shoulder and a friend I can trust.. I don't want to be alone anymore

[Just Shelly]

Staci
You are not alone! I too took that post to heart, so much of what that person wrote is what I had felt and still do at times. I have fought this GID for my entire life, I have now only come to TRY and accept it. I can honestly say I am feeling the best I have in 5 years, I think its a combo of acceptance, anti depr. and hrt.  I still struggle with acceptance of myself and transsexualism in general. I think I would be able to feel even better if only I could come out, to anyone!

This forum as well as others provides us so much, on good days it may make you feel better on bad days if you read posts like that one   or even other ones that talk about the difficulties they may be having, it may make things look even grimmer. In all honesty though, I can say I have recieved much better counseling and support from this forum then the latter.

Best wishes
Shelly

[Tesseract Allen]

As a young TG Gal I have this to say;
I have the lagest respect for the older crowd. You who are transitioning late in life have had to live with it longer then the rest of us, you have to shed a long list of well practiced habits. Not only that but you've had a longer time for testosterone/Estrogen to wreak hovic on the skeletal structure and other systems. Going trough that takes bravery and I personally feel it's worth celebrating that whenever possible.

[V M]

Yup, your all alone in a dark hole and no-one could give a schizzle dizzle - NOT!!!

*Irritating Naval attention sound sounding over the loud speakers*

NOW HEAR THIS, NOW HEAR THIS, YOU ARE NOT ALONE

[/b]

But I understand, this world can make us feel alone... I often feel alone also and yes I come here to Susan's... sometimes I need a hug, sometimes I need a pat on the back... Sometimes I deserve a swat on the rear

The point is that we are all here for each other and if someone has age issues against other members... That's their problem

I wish I could be 19 again, but I'm 49 whether anyone likes it or not

Hugs Sis.

- Virginia

[Janet_Girl]

Staci,

I am 57 and I just started transition three years ago.  And before people go off bad mouthing older transitioners, they need to spend a bit of time walking in their heels.  They do not know why we waited so long to transition.  They are some of the lucky ones who benefited from all those before them, and some of those were older transitioners.

It does not matter because I am here now.

[Randi]

Stacy, Your post sounds eerily familiar. I too am older (54) and I will not go back into the closet.
I grew up on a farm and any thoughts of my presenting as female after I got to be 5 years old were met with a fast backhand across the face-tough neighborhood. Life was hard most of the time and there was no way to transition back then. So I got very good at hiding my thoughts and emotions. My parents loved me and my siblings but they were hard emotionally-that's how they were raised and they didn't know a better way. And so we carried on.

I am glad to finally have an understanding of my condition. Now I can formulate a plan to move forward-even if it takes a long time to accomplish. I will hold my head high and proudly be counted among my those who are unafraid to be different.

Randi

[hkgurl1480]

Hi Staci
I am aware of the post you speak of. I don't recall if i read it all or just blocked it out. What i do recall was not good. I am 40, married with kids. And i love my SO and kids to death. Not a day goes by where i don't have some guilt or other negative feelings about what i am putting them through.  This is damn hard work, but i must confront the GID and thankfully i have their support and except for 1 person, all other family members and friends that now know who i am have been very supportive.  I guess that make me lucky in some ways, but it is still hard.

So, no, you are not alone. I don't post a great deal but i read many of the posts.  Thank you to each and every person here for the support they provide to myself and others.  You all make our burdens just that little bit easier to bear.

Take care
Shelly x

[Susan Kay]

I haven't noticed the post(s) under discussion, however it is obvious that if you look very hard you can find a post for or against anything, so I don't much worry. Well, I do, I tend to being overly sensitive, so I certainly hope it was nothing I might have rattled on about in one of mine. At 65, as one of the older (in years, not necessarily maturity) girls here, I hope no one takes an attitude about having all the answers or being completely omniscient. I try not to; ocassionally I succeed.

Staci, You are not alone in this. None of us are alone. None of us can afford to leave any of us alone. This is too big to be left alone with. Don't take any of our rants too seriously, just because some of us might. The thing is, this is so deeply, completely personal to each of us, only the best can keep their heads while those around them are losing theirs. (stolen from somebody - no need to point it out). The important thing is that you are dealing with it. As for the youngins - nuts to em if they can't take a joke!

Susan Kay

[MarinaM]

As long as I'm here, no one is ever alone.

I haven't seen the post either. What's going on around here?

[Lee]

I have a lot of respect for the people who transition later in life.  I cannot imagine how hard it would be to live in the wrong body for so long.  It also seems like it would be difficult to transition when you have a well-established family/career/life like many of the older people on here do. 

The truth is that in any group there will be people who believe that they're superior because of _____ .  We're all a little self centered out of necessity, but sometimes people just don't put in the effort to view things from another's perspective.  However, know that the vast majority of us are here supporting you.

Welcome back to Susan's 

[Melody Maia]

I'm 40 and was married for 15 years. I also have an 8 year old son. Started transitioning last year. Last night I woke up from a dream about both my ex and son and realized I had been crying in my sleep. Some times it is a special pain. A true dilemma.

[Padma]

I think it takes a lot of courage to transition, whatever age you are. I'd like to think we first and foremost empathise with each other's desire to become more whoever it is we need to become, whatever that involves, in whatever form that takes. There need be no hierarchy of age or "how far you go", the important thing is the shared experience of going.

It's difficult for younger people in a different way from how it's difficult for older people. And it's difficult for each person in a different way from how it's difficult for the next. And then there are all the similarities too . So in a sense we are each alone in our unique voyage, but we're here because we honour our fellow voyagers, and we all know what it's like to be travelling, even if the roads look different.

I keep reminding myself that trans- means across - and that it doesn't have to be narrowly defined (it certainly doesn't have to be narrowly defined only in gender-binary terms), it's just a voyage across ourselves toward a happier, truer destination.

I'm 48 and just starting, in external terms. But I've been building the internal vessel in which to make this journey a safe one since I was 23. I have no real regrets about waiting until the coast was clear and the leaks were plugged (well, except I would have liked to be setting out with more hair on my head ). Love to us all... and the self-consciousness I feel after having written all the above can go screw itself .

[tekla]

Well you can go with the old King Solomon (attributed at least):

To everything there is a season, and
a time to every purpose under heaven

Or Jerry Garcia (lyrics by Robert Hunter):

Run, run
Run for the roses
Sooner it opens
the quicker it closes.
Man, oh, man,
Oh friend of mine,
All good things in all good time

Either way.

[Tammy Hope]

my curiosity is up about the offending post.

Been a while since I got into a good argument here.....

[Dana Lane]

The person that posted this wouldn't happen to be someone named Elizabeth, would it? There are some women of transsexual history who bash late transitioners and she is an expert at it.  I don't know what her true motivation is but jokingly, I refer to her as a "pure transsexual" while I am just a lowly "tainted transsexual" (poking fun at her, of course).  I have a suspicion that she is being affected by so called "Transsexual Posers" (cross dressing men who say they are transsexuals in hopes of mitigating the stigma of cross-dressing). Just a theory. This is an unfortunate situation but I imagine it would make someone like her suspicious and feel threatened.

People like that own the definition for their own identities but not mine. There are many legitimate reasons some of us 'late transitioners' waited so long.  You are not alone.

[bethw]

No staci. you're not alone. At 61 I too am one of the older girls. If it weren't for this forum I think I would have done something drastic a long time ago. You folks have helped me more than i can put into words. Thank you all and hugs to you Staci. See,  none of us is alone.
Hugs to all.
Beth

[Caith]

You're not alone.  I will be 53 this summer.  And T has wreaked its havoc upon me, and I hate it.  But I'm still alive, and doing everything I can to live the rest of my life as best I can.  Anyone who doesn't like it, that's THEIR problem, not mine.  I'm me, I'm here, and I'm supporting anyone of any age, whether they're transitioning or just moving slowly on their journey.  That's why Susan's was created, to offer and to find support from others.

[Staci3336]

Thanks for all your kind words, and as far as the post I am referring to, it has been locked (thankfully), but it really doesn't matter anyway nor does the person who wrote it. That's not really the issue. I think I use this place purely to help me with acceptance of me. And it's really odd because that seems to be the one thing that is most difficult and easiest to divert. And as soon as it I take a step back from acceptance more guilt is introduced. There just can't be any kind of hierarchy with us no matter what. GID doesn't discriminate, and from my experience it affects us all in very similar ways. We deal with it differently, but the root of it is still there no matter what, who, how, when, where. 

[LifeInNeon]

At 28, I am not among the older crowd, but I am older than the "young transitioners" / "true transsexuals" who so often pass judgment on everyone who didn't transition before they could buy alcohol, everyone who doesn't pass perfectly, and everyone who (shocker) still likes women.

I agree that it is offensive to be cast—by our own—as something lesser. To anyone who does that, I just want to say, "You may call yourself a 'former transsexual,' but you're still one of us, sweetheart."

Staci, anyone who tries to pass judgment on you for your actions in dealing with a problem you didn't choose to have, especially when they themselves went through the same thing, is wrong to do so. Circumstances in our lives change when we can and will deal with it, but there ought to be no moral judgment levied based upon those circumstances beyond our control.

[Dana Lane]

"You may call yourself a 'former transsexual,' but you're still one of us, sweetheart."

I think she should be able to call herself a former transsexual because that is actually the case. In the future DSM-V they finally fix this by saying once treatment of transsexualism is satisfactory completed, the condition will no longer be diagnosable. But yes, like a lot of us, no matter when we transitioned, she was born transsexual and there is no escaping that.