Disclosing genital status after coming out to someone?

[sneakersjay]

Thanks Jay. May I ask the nature of the relationships (romantic/friends/business/time known, etc) and how you were treated differently afterward? It really helps to hear others' experiences with this. Thanks.

One was a romantic interest that wasn't really going anywhere but I felt the need to disclose, and was basically treated as a freak show.  The main time was at a support group I had been attending and while I wasn't close to those people really it was a safe LGBT space and I was fairly newly transitioned but passing consitently even there.  All anyone wanted to talk with me after that was my former F self which I prefer not to do as I didn't spend all this time and effort to finally be perceived as male only to now sit around and discuss my past F self and my transition.  It was as if I had stood in the center of the room and pulled my pants down.  I wanted to run away and vomit.

Other times have been in situations where I needed to disclose, like getting my offspring a driver's license, where they want proof that you are the parent or legal guardian.  Only way to prove that is to out myself.  The woman then made a point of writing MOTHER in large letters in the relationship box.  Gee lady how about PARENT.

I feel like a cis guy who had corrective surgery and really do not want to  discuss transition or my former self, someone I loathed.  I'd rather forget the past actually and bring it up only when it matters.

Agree with Jenny's comment:  "I was born with a major genital birth defect which needed surgical correction ."

Jay

[MillieB]

My experience is that women will ask you ANY question, no matter how intimate, once they start to see you as one of them, they will also tell you anything! I think it's kind of fun and a whole new world. If A guy were to ask me really intimate questions, I'd find it really weird and a bit off tbh.

[Arch]

My experience is that women will ask you ANY question, no matter how intimate, once they start to see you as one of them, they will also tell you anything!

Women who see me as a cis male confide in me...it sort of bothers me, but my therapist thinks I should take it as a compliment because they see me as a sensitive guy, someone they can trust. Which is funny because I relate so much better to men, and the men don't seem to see anything weird or unusual about me. Somehow I've managed to straddle the fence...come across as a "normal," straight cis male who is a compassionate human being. Damned if I know how that happened.

[insideontheoutside]

I've dealt with this situation. My honest opinion is that anyone who would outright ask you that is rude. It's like asking a guy how big his dick gets. You just don't do that. Well, at least I think you shouldn't because I was brought up with some manners to not ask personal, intimate questions of people. And speaking of intimate, yes if you actually ARE in a relationship and planning on having sex with someone that of course is something you should probably already have made mention of before you drop your pants. But that's a different situation from acquaintances, friends and co-workers.

[ToriJo]

I'd second what everyone said.  I would suspect most cis-people have never once been asked about whether their genitals match their gender expression.  Nor should you be asked that.

For a doctor, an intimate partner, with a therapist, or, perhaps, a *VERY* close friend, it may be appropriate (depending on how you feel - I'd still say that you shouldn't be required to disclose to anyone).  But for everyone else, if you wouldn't go up to them and ask about their genitals, it's probably not a relationship where they should be doing that to you.  You will get more respect from others if you obviously expect respect from them.  And it just plain isn't respectful to ask about genitals in most situations.

You might be able to use it as a teachable moment to explain why you don't want to answer, if they are friends.

So my long post can be summarized: If you wouldn't ask them about their parts, they shouldn't ask about yours.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Everyone at my job talks about my genitals at times.  Any time sex is brought up someone will say "well a strap on ain't as good as the real thing" or "you gonna have to go down on a girl since you can't do nothing else" 

I'm going to try saying to anyone asking me about my genitals "show me yours first"

[GinaDouglas]

^points up^
That's sexual harassment.