Post-op & still Pre-orgasmic (*Explict & Frustrated*)

[Re: Joyce]

I dont think anybody expects that. Her comment is very insensitive...

I wonder if she has seen any SRS videos? We had our bodies massively changed surgically. Its entirely understandable that some of us were left unorgasmic or in a position where it is extremely difficult to achieve, due to lack of nerves or other physical reasons.

I have not given up hope but am beginning to accept that it will never happen for me. It may put me in the same group with the other cis-ladies unable to achieve orgasms but for entirely different reasons.

It would be helpful to have some physical therapy added to our surgical protocol.

Please do not consider her to be insensitive based on a 3rd person report (mine).

     She is extremely knowledgeable about the surgery, anatomy, transgender issues and the sex act itself.  She has a large trans clientele and also does a substantial amount of sexual counseling, both to trans and non-trans clients.

      I'm just beginning my education on this topic and her comment was intended to show that failure to achieve orgasm is not only common in trans women, it's also common among cis women, as well.  That is all that comment was intended to convey, nothing more.

      If any part of my posts have caused you undue discomfort, I am extremely sorry, as that is not what I intended to do.

      Based on the suggestions of the medical professionals who have been assisting me in my transition journey, I'll be participating in private, individual (as opposed to group) sex therapy to see if it's possible for me to be orgasmic.  I've learned that there is a lot of professional assistance available.

     This may be an option for others to pursue, if so inclined.

[Tammy Hope]

Dr. McGinn explained where it is on post-operative women in the 3rd paragraph of the quote above.

I read that but it wasn't perfectly clear to me - or rather, what it SEEMED to say being in opposition to what I'd assumed, i was asking for it to be said directly so i didn't make another false assumption.

[vanna]

I truly think you can overthink this whole situation

you are correct our bodies are massively changed and it takes time for the brain to remap just like the nerves

you will find the right set of situations Valerie that open the right path the biggest sex organ will always be the brain i know this is true because i get where i want just fantasising about someone special

[FairyGirl]

I knew losing orgasmic capability was one of the risks going in, but had to make the conscious decision that the risk was worth it and it wasn't a difficult choice.  As I said previously, it's a "nice to have", but not my main focus for having sex and certainly not for having surgery.

It's been weeks and weeks since I was able to do it manually; I've tried again since and met with dismal failure.  I just can't seem to work up the enthusiasm or something.   I get much closer with my boyfriend doing the stimulation in various ways including orally, but even then to be honest my optimism is tempered.  Thankfully he is willing to keep trying and so will I, but for now I will also resign myself to simply enjoying being with him and the ways he makes me feel otherwise.  There's still no feeling in the world like having him get aroused just by kissing me, and when I'm lying there naked in his bed and he wraps me up in his arms and enters inside me, that will just have to be heaven enough for me for the time being.


(but I still fully intend to try the vibrator, too lol)

[vanna]

If by sex therapist you mean a hot boyfriend who will spend and take his time

then yes i verry much agree

[James-Alen]

I am curious about something, after reading this topic, so I have a question. They say (and I firmly agree) that sexual arousal and orgasms for bio women are more of a mental activity, one that requires thought and engagement in the activity. Men, being the opposite, need visuals and physical stimulation, purely, to respond. What I was wondering is, do hormones have an effect on this? Like, will taking E turn that urge from a physical to a mental endeavor? Because if someone grew up male and will male sexual responses, I can imagine that reaching an orgasm from mental stimulation and fantasy after the change would be really hard!

Sorry if that sounds like a dumb question, but I haven't started T yet, so I dunno what happens to the mental and physical aspects of a person during HRT

[danimunj]

Yes, JA.

Cross-hormone therapy can allow those changes to happen. But it also takes a predisposition or willingness or desire or desparate need (take your pick) on the part of the transitioner to harmonize with the changes that the hormones induce. I think this can be a very difficult part of the whole process. Giving up what you've lived and are familiar with. Finding what comes most naturally. Striking the happiest and healthiest balance. It's a very subtle thing. Easy to miss.

Good luck.

[FairyGirl]

Yes, JA.

Cross-hormone therapy can allow those changes to happen. But it also takes a predisposition or willingness or desire or desparate need (take your pick) on the part of the transitioner to harmonize with the changes that the hormones induce. I think this can be a very difficult part of the whole process. Giving up what you've lived and are familiar with. Finding what comes most naturally. Striking the happiest and healthiest balance. It's a very subtle thing. Easy to miss.

Very well said.  Maybe in my case it was all of the above, but my sexual response did change dramatically, as I posted before.  To say it's like comparing apples and oranges is an understatement.  Not only the sexual triggers, but the physical response to those triggers changed as well.  This in itself for me has presented the greatest challenge when it comes to the subject of this discussion, because it's been uncharted territory.

We are in the somewhat unique position of having the experience from both sides of sexual response.  But as you said, what we've lived with and were familiar with is gone, and now we must find what comes naturally in our new bodies.  I remember the old feelings, but they are only like ghosts now without any substance, and have absolutely no effect anymore.

[OliveLevel]

Try testosterone!

[AbraCadabra]

I am curious about something, after reading this topic, so I have a question. They say (and I firmly agree) that sexual arousal and orgasms for bio women are more of a mental activity, one that requires thought and engagement in the activity. Men, being the opposite, need visuals and physical stimulation, purely, to respond. What I was wondering is, do hormones have an effect on this? Like, will taking E turn that urge from a physical to a mental endeavor? Because if someone grew up male and will male sexual responses, I can imagine that reaching an orgasm from mental stimulation and fantasy after the change would be really hard!

Sorry if that sounds like a dumb question, but I haven't started T yet, so I dunno what happens to the mental and physical aspects of a person during HRT

Hi, it is a tricky question to answer ---- because if you are MtF you ALWAYS seemed to have a more female response to start with. We are not the best example for a robust straight cis-male sexual response. In fact rather far from it. We most often far less "goal oriented" and also more in need of the more typical female "warm up needs". At least this being my experience for so many years. We also can much more easily go without sex then the more average male.

But, one thing is true: The more T the more horniness and the more "goal orientation" as a typical male will have 100 times more T in his system then the average female at a younger age, in their 20s.

Axelle

[paulault55]

That brings up another issue we face, too low a total testosterone level, i am almost 3 months post op and my endo did a total T level per Dr. Mcginn's request, it came back < 10ng/dl normal female range is 20 to 70, she said too low a level can cause lack of energy and low libido, i have low energy not sure about the libido part yet, i am waiting to hear back from her and i may be prescribed some testosterone to bring my T level in a more normal female range.

Paula

[AbraCadabra]

Aaah, Val, now I get it :-)

* I've had my Lelo for a while now and I have to say I love it. *

LULA in my private dictionary, heehee.

Axelle

[Renate]

"Lelo" is not a euphemism, it's a company that makes vibrators.

[AbraCadabra]

Oh ->-bleeped-<-, Val! OF COURSE

should have known, the very one on my bed site table!
Even the colour matches. What a lovely "companion device" the hole ~ swing ding and rechargeable battery that LASTS, heya!

So, that could beat any "organic" competition, no?

Axelle