Being Called Female As An Insult

[Squirrel698]

In a group of friends, both guys and girls, that I've been hanging about with there is one complicated guy.  I'm not out as trans to any of them, by the way.  This one particular individual insulted me yesterday.  Somehow he had gotten it into his head that I had created a rumour about him.  When I asked why he thought that, he mentioned a few people who said they heard it from me, but did not know my name.   

"The only way they remembered you was as the scared f***ing little girl."

The way he said it was absolutely calling me out.  This guy wanted to fight hands down.  Fortunately we were not alone and other people got his drunk a** out of there.  I did not ask for help or show that I needed help.  He was removed because he was getting belligerent and people wanted to have a good time.  As did I which is why I said 'fortunately'.  By the way the people who were referring to me said no such thing.  That was his own unique twist of him trying to get a rise out of me.

When he snapped that at me, inches from my face, I didn't know how to react.  So I stood my ground and didn't flinch and looked him in the eye.  The word 'girl' naturally stood out.  In no way to find being called a girl an insult.  I don't want to be viewed that way because that's not in line with my identity.  However if he really thought I was an actual girl would he have challenged me to a fight like that?  I really doubt it.  He's 23, not particularly large and just to far into the juice.  And after he said that I think it's safe to view him as sexist. 

It's my conclusion that he doesn't actually think I am a girl.  Or even scared most likely.  In fact I think he views me so much as male that calling me what he views as the opposite was meant to be a very shocking insult.  When he's sober and everything is fine he treats me as I present myself.  In fact I recently had dinner with him and a few others guys and talked samurais all evening.

Any thoughts?     

 

[~RoadToTrista~]

Haha don't worry about it too much. He was trying to emasculate you, (and he was drunk) guys do that to other guys occasionally, especially the dickish ones.

[Tamaki]

Most likely it was just an attack against your masculinity. A scared little girl is the furthest thing in his mind from being a big masculine guy. It sounds like he is the macho in your face kind of guy and guys like this are often very insecure.  I'm sure he was just trying to incite you into fighting him.

I'm glad that nothing bad happened and you evening wasn't ruined.

[CrazyTina]

Oh and... for some reason guys even use that one on CIS guys all the time. Calling a guy a girl is a huge insult. I wouldn't take it personally. But believe me... I know what its like, I have had people call me "dude" or "man" or "he" because they didn't like me.

Love yourself. It doesn't matter in the end what other people think of you. If you let their words cut you down then your identity (and rightly so) is wrapped wholly in your being Male. And when that reality (of being Male) gets cut to shreds (when someone is a jerk off and calls you she, or your old name, or w/e) your sense of self identity falls apart, and that feeling you get is the ego trying to find something new to grasp onto now that that island has gone under.  Usually though you blow off some steam and the ego gets a nice hold over you in that your whole identity revolves around "I am male, and if people don't see me as such, then I am nothing"

Transcendence of the ego is the best option you have. I recommend reading "A New Earth" ~ Eckhart Tolle.

There is no problem with identity. Or even your while "I AM" in your mind being "I am a guy". It is just the attachment to the idea that everyone will see you as that is distorted. And in the end, it does not matter weather you are male, female, intersex, andro... All that matters is the true "I AM" that resides within your soul.

I am so sorry I went so deep into this... but I really hope this helps you... for the benefit of all humankind.

Love and Light.

[Squirrel698]

@Citrine - Thanks for your reply.  To tell you the truth the remark more validated my identity than questioned it.  Like I said when he said that it told me how masculine he regards me.  Ironically.  I've been in a male role for awhile now and haven't thought of myself female for quite some time.  Neither has anyone else around me that I know of.  I agree with what you are saying. 

I'm just curious why guys regard being called female such an insult.  If they stopped and thought about it, they would realize it really is not.

@Hannah - Yeah he is a bit macho and possibly insecure as well.  Overall I like his company surprisingly.  I just found the remark interesting and another check off my bucket list.

@Trista - Thanks!  Yeah I'm not to worried.  I just thought it was interesting especially with the other masculine thread.   

[CrazyTina]

@Squirrel698 Yeah, well boy will be boys. That is good that you found validation in that. It proves that you have a deeper connection to the universe than most other people. And it is so wonderful that you now accept yourself as male. That is probably one of the hardest parts is not thinking "oh well since I have these gentitles and have this face structure, and a high voice, so I am just pretending to be a boy, and I don't actually feel like one, even though I wish I was.

Does that make sense?

[sascraps]

I guess I'm a real guy then, because I'm being called a little girl as an insult a lot lately and it infuriates me even more than being called stupid. And it does offend me, because I'm not mentally or physically weak as everyone believes me to be, and I'm not a child to be picked on either. It infuriates me because the only way I can see to shut people up is by kicking their ass. And then I'd go to jail. 

[CrazyTina]

I'm not a child to be picked on either. It infuriates me because the only way I can see to shut people up is by kicking their ass. And then I'd go to jail. 

We have a real man here. No girl would ever say something like that. I am not sure the best way to respond to your first part because I do not want to be too nice to you, since you are gruff and tough and prefer roughness over gentle kind loving heart felt words that only a girl can offer up.

[cynthialee]

He was trying to get a rise out of you.

Wanna make him piss himself and come out top dog?
Go to his home when he is by himself and act like you wanna hang out. When you get inside lock the door behind you and then tell him that you think you are more of a man than him and would like to fight him right there so no one can see it so you guys don't get aressted.
Look determined and when he wants to get out of it, call him out on the stupid ->-bleeped-<- he said to everyone.
He will be paniked about then. Looking for anyway out. Then when he is pissing himself then let him off the hook with the certain promise that you will kik his ass without hesitation should he ever mouth off to you.

Men need people to see them being tough. A private confrontation where no one is there to help them if they get into too much trouble or no one is there to see him kik ass is a confrontation most men will avoid like the plague. Most men will do anything they can to avoid a private fight.
This move will either get your ass kiked (highly unlikely) or it will make you the top dog as far as the other male is concerned.
I have never once had a male take me up on the chalange to a private fight. Every time they have backed off. Even men who likely would have stomped me into the ground. Many men need other men around them in order to be men. On their own they are useless children.

[sascraps]

We have a real man here. No girl would ever say something like that. I am not sure the best way to respond to your first part because I do not want to be too nice to you, since you are gruff and tough and prefer roughness over gentle kind loving heart felt words that only a girl can offer up.

Well, uhm, thanks. I only wish other people could see that. But since I'm overweight, people assume I'm a weak and helpless target. I hate it because I know I could wipe the floor with 'em.

[CrazyTina]

Well, uhm, thanks. I only wish other people could see that. But since I'm overweight, people assume I'm a weak and helpless target. I hate it because I know I could wipe the floor with 'em.

W00T! 

[Squirrel698]

@Squirrel698 Yeah, well boy will be boys. That is good that you found validation in that. It proves that you have a deeper connection to the universe than most other people. And it is so wonderful that you now accept yourself as male. That is probably one of the hardest parts is not thinking "oh well since I have these gentitles and have this face structure, and a high voice, so I am just pretending to be a boy, and I don't actually feel like one, even though I wish I was.

Does that make sense?

Oh yeah sure it makes sense.  Unfortunately I can't claim any deeper connection to the universe as I really didn't believe it myself other around me believed it.  So that shows I find my validation in others and puts me back on earth.  I no longer have a high voice, my facial structure only works in my favor and lack of giant penis is not a big deal in day to day interactions with most people.  I've been on testosterone for a year and gained much in that year.  These days when people who knew me before slip up, I just look at them as if they are crazy.  It is very obvious I'm not female in the least.   

He was trying to get a rise out of you.

Wanna make him piss himself and come out top dog?

Heh that sounds like fun.  It does need to be said that I absolutely will not allow him to speak me in that way.  Yet I would rather have a friendship with this guy instead of an enemy.  Usually he's fun to be around.  Plus he knows Krav Maga which is some pretty intense ->-bleeped-<-. 

[cynthialee]

After the third beer all that training goes out the window......