Am i welcome here?

[Babe]

Hi,

This is my first post.
I am 36 and i live in Montreal , Canada. I stand 5' 6 1/2" tall. I am 137 lbs. I wear a size 8 ladies shoe. And i have a soft feminine voice.
To see how i look and sound, you can check out, da6is9, in youtube.

I don't lie about most things (except my age).
And yes, when i post, i use a larger font than most people. When you write long posts, it's hard to read the small fonts.

So, i am wondering what type of people this forum welcomes.

As we all know there is a lot of discrimination out there against us. Society seems to not want us TGs around. That means work is not easy to find. I know lots of TGs who work as escorts because they "can't" work. Many get evicted from their homes, fired from their jobs, shunned by family and society.
With all that being said, what's a girl to do?

I've been an upscale escort for the passed 7 years. However, i am, also, an excellent writer and i expose truths that many people may not like to read because it goes against the norms of society's thinking. Meaning, i'll be the first to tell you that television brainwashes people. No one wants to be told that - they're too busy watching all the favorite shows and movies on tv.

Why do i escort? I am far too sensitive to have a boss telling me what to do, so i tend to walk off the job easily when i feel like i've been treated unfairly. I am rather feminine, too, which causes some people to not like me.   
I am not full time, at all, but i am definitely not a CD - meaning i don't dress up and get turned on by it, nor do i do things like wear panties or panty-hose under my clothing. That's just not me. I basically wear womens' clothes -  but they are just not pink or frilly or very feminine at a quick glance.
I have natural long nails and i am all body-shaved. I am growing out what there is left of my hair and wearing bandanas more often.
I am trying to transition slowly and not trying to be in my neighbors' faces about what i am going through. Eventually, they will say something like, 'why don't you become a woman?' And then that's when i just might be who i was meant to be.

I am seeing a Gender Therapist to help me "come out" and i do take an anti-androgen. I am not on hormones, yet, and i am not even sure if i ever will be - i just don't know what i want to do, and that is all because of my upbringing. I am not sure if i want to be an unhappy woman or continue being an unhappy man. At least, by being an unhappy man i can, sort of, slide through life without having gender discrimination thrown at me. I have no idea how life could be IF i did come out and went full time. It's nice to dream that everyone will just accept it, but we know the reality of that for the most part. So i remain in this "limbo" and slow transition. I will say that since the passed two years, people look at me funny, now, because of how i dress myself. I do wear mostly women's clothes, just not dresses, skirts, or make up.

Being an escort where i live is not a great idea, either. THAT, if they found out, would be beginning of the harassment from my neighbors, i am sure. They already find me to be quite an odd ball.

I've been to many forums whose members basically bash someone who is early in their transition, and call them a fraud or a cross-dresser. For some reason, many full time girls forget where they started and demand that everyone do as they did to go full time.
Not everyone has had the same life and same upbringing. So that means that not every TG likes being a TG or even accepts their fate easily.

For me, being TG is a curse not a gift. To me, it's like being handed a bill for $50,000 + when i don't even have two dimes to rub together.
I just don't have that kind of money to transition.
So even though i might look great for my age, and i am seemingly smart enough to get by, i don't treasure my gender dysphoria.  I have attempted suicide about 4 times in my life, and i think of it daily. I just don't like the idea of someone finding my dead body and seeing all my fem clothes and stuff and thinking i was one weird ->-bleeped-<-.
I care very much about what people might think about me - it's crazy, i know. But it's the upbringing, again.

I am alone all the time in my apartment, except when i have clients. I live a double life, for the most part. I go to a TS support group but i don't go out wearing make up or anything - even though i want to.
My transition is in ultra slow gear - i am not rushing into changing my body even though i know i should have been born a girl.

I am much older now and facing baldness, meaning i do require a wig. And the life i live with all the activities i do makes wearing a wig while swimming, playing tennis, or cycling long distance very uncomfortable and unappealing. Heat ruins wig and wigs cost money! Electrolysis costs money! Implants cost money -  EVERYTHING costs money when you're a TS in transition. It almost seems that being a TS is for the rich, not for the poor.

The worst thing about being me is that other TGs verbally attack me when they find out that i am in this "slow" transition.
TGs always talk about discrimination and how it's so unfair and blah blah blah. And we all talk about how unfair it is to be gang-beaten in a McDonald's while others just stood by and watched.... Well, the worst discrimination is when the TG community, itself, attacks another TG and gangs up on her for being "not enough", even in a forum! And people just sit by watching it happen.
That is like the ultimate shun, the final straw that says, "YOU don't fit in anywhere! Not even with us! You may as well end your life."

So i ask where this forum stands on its acceptance of others.

Does my escorting cause a problem here? Will i have to endure taunts from TGs who have great careers or an easy life? Does my slow transition bother people here?
I've heard quite some attacks by self supporting TSs who owned their own businesses, and claimed that i was the bottom of the barrel of TSs and that TSs like me make all the other TSs look bad. 
Does that happen in this site?

I do write long posts, but i do try to be informative and interesting. I have a high IQ and i am informed about a lot of things and i post about them.

Well, that's it for now, i suppose.

Babe,
xoxo

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Babe,

Welcome to our little family. Over 6600 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation Rules
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Hugs and Love,
Janet

[YinYanga]

Welcome to Susans

Yes, youre welcome here, and I hope youll find a lot of like-minded people (I'm certain there a lot of them here!)

[Babe]

Hi,

Thanks Yinyanga,


Babe,
xoxo

[Babe]

Hi Janet,

Thanks.
However, according to the rules, here, i am not family.
I am just a visitor.

Visitors (less than 15 posts) - 10
Newbies (less than 49 posts) - 15
Neighbors (less than 99 posts) - 20
Friends (less than 499 posts) - 30
Family ( more than 500 posts - 40

I have read all the links you've shown to me.

Babe,
xoxo

[cynthialee]

Back when I was young and healthy I also turned a few tricks in my time.
Personaly I know the reasons people turn to the sex trade to survive and you will get no lip from me. I completely understand.

Welcome aboard.

[Megan Joanne]

I don't see why not, I was welcomed. I surely have no problems with you, not yet (this'll only change if you happen to act like an ass later), only people I ever have gripes with are those that are jerks, and from your first post, you don't seem to be, just in a state of confusion with many questions just like many of us. If you aren't ready to fully come out you don't have to, only one living your life is you, do as you feel comfortable and at your own pace. Shouldn't be any discrimination here, otherwise those acting that way would be hypocrites and need to look in the mirror at themselves.

[Babe]

Hi,

Thanks girls, for the welcome.

I need to make a correction to my first post.
Would a mod please edit my first post to include my proper height, please?

I stand 5'6 and 1/2" tall.

Sorry about that.

xo

[Babe]

Back when I was young and healthy...

Hi Cynthia,

What is wrong with your health?
I know a lot about alternative therapies and natural medicines. Maybe, i can be of some help.

Babe,
xoxo

[cynthialee]

I have a very long list of medical issues, the chief of which is that I am HIV+.

[Babe]

Hi Cynthia.

Wow. I am sorry to hear that BUT i may have some good news for you.

Check out in google videos "The Gerson Therapy Tape 1" you should watch tapes 2, 3 and 4 also.

Also check out  "the Bob Beck Protocol" in google or maybe even youtube.

Babe,
xoxo

[Babe]

Cynthia



xo

[Sarah Louise]

I listened to the first video and as far as I can see, in 10 minutes he managed to say Nothing.  Quite a feat.  It sounds like feel good medicine to me.

[Babe]

Hi Sarah,

That must be why there are 11 parts.  When you read a book, you can't tell what happens after chapter one. That is just a lecture.
A doctor will NEVER tell you to look up Dr Bob Beck's Protocol.


You can do more research by typing The Bob Beck Protocol into google.

Babe,
xoxo

[Dana Lane]

and i do take an anti-androgen. I am not on hormones, yet

This can be very unhealthy. You need a sex hormone to maintain health.

And welcome

[Babe]

Hi Dana.

Thanks for the concern, and the welcome.
It was recommended to me that i take finesteride (or if you want to call it by the brand name, which is, Propecia). I asked my family doctor and she agreed to it.
I am taking it to stop the hair loss and to possibly help regrow what it can.
I will see results in about 2 - 3 years or more, it's reported.

Because i couldn't be me as a child and was "sidetracked" onto the wrong path by dear old mom who was ashamed of my saying i WAS a girl, i developed a VERY bad temper and i would hurt myself. That's how badly i hated myself for NOT being allowed to be the real me. I would hurt myself, pull my hair, punch my face. It's so stupid what was done to me mentally.

I used to wrap my beautiful blond hair around my hands and pull my hair out with WHITE knuckles. It was bad. I did that a few times in my life. I used to go into rages and that was as an adult.
I am definitely in the wrong body.
You know, i've suggested to my doctor that i get a brain transplant instead of HRT, implants, and SRS and all the discrimination that awaits me. Just change my brain in one operation.  That's how strong my denial was. Dear old mom did a real number on her youngest baby. I was in denial for many, many years.
I disliked ->-bleeped-<-s. I was taught to by my mom. Then, i find out years later that why she taught me that was because she saw it in me and it shamed her. I shamed her - my existence shamed her. 
And that's not all that's happened. The plot thickens. I won't get into all of that.

Does it show i am in therapy? lol

Babe,
xoxo
 

[cynthialee]

I am well aware of the charlatan you have posted.
HIV can not curently be cured.
He is a snake oil sales man. His claims do not stand up to scutiny. He has no credibility.

I hate to be so blunt but I have seen alot of witchdoctor cures and neoscience remedies for HIV. In the HIV comunity we see these types of phoneys poping up all the time. Most don't even seek to make money. They are just so sure of themselves and what they think worked for them. Some do and those are the real sharks.
If there was a cure for HIV* the entire HIV+ comunity would be on it like flies on poo. You couldn't sell the cure fast enough.

*one man has been cured of HIV but the treatment was discoved on a fluke and it is a harsh near deadly treatment. He had bone marrow cancer and needed a complete transplant of all bone marrow. All his marrow was killed off and donor marrow was put in its place. Also during this time the paitent was undergoing harsh chemotherapy and was taking HIV surpressing medications.
Personaly I will just live with HIV if this is the way they want to cure me. lol

[MarinaM]

Early transition, if you plan to transition, can be a special sort of He**. I'm early on too, but we don't share the same problems (sorry).

What I can say is: if you think transition is for the rich, well, just redefine your understanding of transition. There's a set of expectations, sure, but this can be handled in steps, and over a relatively long period of time. The trick is to keep working and enjoy all of the small steps in your progress towards happiness and congruity.

Also: A brain transplant will not work! LOL. You are your brain, not your body. Science aside, you would have to find a woman who would want to swap bodies with you

Whether you work as an escort makes no difference to me. Welcome.

- Em

[Babe]

I am well aware of the charlatan you have posted.
HIV can not curently be cured.
He is a snake oil sales man. His claims do not stand up to scutiny. He has no credibility....

Hi Cynthia,

I am not trying to anger you.
This "charlatan" had reworked the original product which had an actual patent.
The new gizmo also has a patent in the USA patents office.
They don't give charlatans or snake oil salesmen patents. The thing has to work in order to get a patent. Remember that.

Please, here is a short page with the actual patent number.
There are comments below, also.
http://fadi420.wordpress.com/2007/01/27/suppressed-medical-discovery-dr-robert-c-beck-canceraids-anything-viral/

I will not mention this again as i really don't wish to argue, offend or insult you in any way or form.
I offered the info and you can do whatever you think is right for you. It's your life.
However, i will add that who ever told you about Bob Beck being a snake oil salesman was probably wearing a doctor's white lab coat and had a stethoscope around his his/her neck. That, or you read a medical journal published by a pharmaceutical company. They call anyone who doesn't do what they do, quacks.
At least i am showing you some factual stuff and not just making it up.

Be well,
Babe,
xoxo

[Babe]

Early transition, if you plan to transition, can be a special sort of He**. I'm early on too, but we don't share the same problems (sorry).

What I can say is: if you think transition is for the rich, well, just redefine your understanding of transition. There's a set of expectations, sure, but this can be handled in steps, and over a relatively long period of time. The trick is to keep working and enjoy all of the small steps in your progress towards happiness and congruity.

Also: A brain transplant will not work! LOL. You are your brain, not your body. Science aside, you would have to find a woman who would want to swap bodies with you

Whether you work as an escort makes no difference to me. Welcome.

- Em

Hi Emma,

Thanks.
No one really shares the same problems.
You may be early in transition and be young, too. You seem to look young enough in your avatar.
I am not that young anymore, though.
And yea, i suppose could start transitioning and start living full time...but that, is one my major problems - the "coming out" part, and my hair (or the lack thereof).
I didn't have a "typical" childhood.
My mom would be so proud of me (rolls eyes) to see what a mess i am.

The brain transplant was said in jest to my doctor to illustrate to him my difficulty accepting myself.

Thanks for your post.
Babe,
xoxo