life 101.

[Kellsie]

I have been living my RLE/RLT for almost a year and I have not been able to post anything for the past three months.  During the past few months, I have really had some...I found my wife unconscious in the front seat of our truck at her place of employment, mind you I am an EMT.  I called 911, she had a psychological break which caused this.  I was beside myself.  Following this I was told by her parents that this was all my fault.  They have told her that I am not good for her, the refer to me as a heshe etc..  I was then told by the psychiatrist and her that she could not have any stress at all.  I just had the care of our 19y/o special needs kid, our bills, (of which I knew nothing about as she normally handles them) thrust on me.  I had started a new job working at a gas station as well as working for our local ambulance service.  Needless to say this all had its effects and I just became overwhelmed and was forced to go into more intense treatment for my depression.  I was hospitalised for eight days.

I guess the reason I am posting this here is because I have learned that we are not perfect, and that during our transition, not only do we bear our own burdens but those of others.  I have learned that I have to take care of me first.  I have never done this before.   I am now.  I know that during our RLE that we are to be preparing for life as a woman and to see if we can or are ready for it, or learning our place in our new gender role.  I have had to take a brief time out to learn some things but I am where I feel happy.  I am KELLSIE!!!  It does not matter what others think, it is how I am made.  I love myself first, my family second, and of course all of you here.  I just want everyone to know that it is ok to fall.  I just needed an outside source to be my mom for a few days.  I am sorry for being so long....((tears))  I hope this helped someone.

[Janet_Girl]

I am sorry you are going through hell right now.  To start with you need not take on any more than you need to.  Your wife's collapse might have been your transition, but she was the one who did not seek out help to deal.  Therefore she has to take on the responsibility for her break.  Sorry, but you did not make her go into a psychological break.  If she is that ill, it may be time for her to be hospitalized.

You have been given the burdens of others.  You did not choice to take them on.  But now you have to make the best of things.  But unlike your wife, Seek out help.  From family, friends, professionals.  Who ever can help. 

We are here to let you rant, rave, carry on and still get a hug in the end.  Stay strong, head up, shoulders back.

[Radar]

...and that during our transition, not only do we bear our own burdens but those of others.  I have learned that I have to take care of me first.

Ma'am, I know exactly how you feel. My situation is not nearly as difficult as yours, but I've had to shoulder heavy burdens because of my ex. However, I choose to do so. Plus, doing it helps me personally because if not it could hurt me like lose a house or ruin my credit.

I also think it's about the best thing I can do to help my ex. Our separation/divorce and my transition has hurt him terribly mentally & emotionally. He's taken on the role of a complete victim (which is aggravating) and I'm the complete bad guy. While I can understand he feels deceived he also refuses to learn about the truth about transgenders and transsexualism. I've tried to help with that, but he refuses help so I stopped. We can't force anyone to do anything and if someone refuses to become educated on something then they don't care to learn. He'd rather stew in his self-pity.

However, he has his family & friends who are supportive so he's not alone. They are the ones to help him now. At this point we communicate and see each other only when necessary- which hasn't been very often. And that is perfectly fine with me. I have no more contact with his family (per his request) and I have no problem with that anymore. I do miss our mutual friends I lost, but they were his friends first and so side with him. But, that's common when people end a relationship- no matter what the cause.

So, I'll be the bigger man and do what I think is best for me and him. However, I need to put myself first because nobody else will do so. The situation is difficult now, but I know someday it will get better. There will be a day when we can legally break all ties and never have to see each other again. That result will be what is best for both of us. I do wish him happiness and hope that someday he meets a real woman who will make him happy and fulfill his needs so he can move on. I'm single right now but that's best for me at this time. It gives me time to reflect and take care of internal issue and work through some things. I also enjoy the quiet and reduced stress. But, someday I'll be ready again.

I've learned from transition that we need to put ourselves first and are responsible for pursuing our goals and dreams, because no one else will do it for us. I used to believe that was selfish thinking but now I realize it's essential for survival and happiness.