I REALLY need help

[Kentrie]

I like girls but recently I had sex with one boy in late April and another boy (Who I'm dating because he asked me out in the middle of sex) the day before yesterday and yesterday. My friend told me to have sex with a guy to see if I was straight, gay, or bi. Well, the first time I had sex, it was with a friend of mine who I think is absolutely disgusting and I hated it. I didn't get turned on or feel ANYTHING at all. I have sex with the boy I'm dating now and he doesn't disgust me. I had sex with him for 3 1/2 hours and didn't get turned on or feel anything at all. I don't like the fact that he has a penis and every time I look at it I get jealous and after I have sex with him I feel guilty. The only thing I felt was pain and I just wanted him to finish so I could stop. I fingered the same friend who told me to have sex with a guy and I loved it and didn't feel guilty after it, I felt great. So, I'm really confused. Oh, and there's a possibility that I'm pregnant. The first guy had a condom but since it was my first time I was still worried. The boy I'm dating didn't use a condom the first time we had sex and yesterday the condom broke so we went on without it, but he has a very low sperm count. I don't care if I'm pregnant, I just REALLY don't want to be. It won't make me feel as manly and my boyfriend made me shave all the hair off my body and said I should grow my hair out and start wearing a bra. This will kill me. I don't know what to, someone please help me.

[Sabriel Facrin]

He...told you to be a girl? o_o; Let's go with 'no'. ^^; I strongly feel you should break up with a jerk like that.  If someone won't accept you for your identity, maybe they can be a distant friend, but they SHOULD NOT be a boyfriend. (or girlfriend if a girl ends up doing that to you down the road)  Like you said, this will kill you, and a relationship is a lesser loss compared to a life.  I really think you shouldn't of let him shave you either.
Someone like this is being controlling and disrespectful, I'd be really careful about coordinating any decisions with him. :\

[FebruaryFalls]

There...is so much wrong with that paragraph that I don't even know where to start..But here goes.

First off, you are clearly not mature enough to be having sex. Secondly, why in the world are you having sex if you don't even enjoy it!? And not to flat out insult you, but why in the world would you be to continue having sex after you knew the condom broke? Seriously, if this wasn't a 'safe place' I'd be laying into you hard right now for your actions.

Stop, now, before you get yourself into any more trouble and while people can still take you seriously. Drop the guy, get a pregnancy test, or if it really was yesterday, go buy plan b.

You're a kid, for whatever's sake, act like one, and be one while you still can, don't screw up this early in the game.

And how in the world does he know he has a low sperm count? Why would ANYONE know that unless they were trying to get a girl pregnant?

Seriously, I really don't think it requires having sex with a guy to know if you're attracted to them. Sex is a component of attraction, not the entire thing. If you aren't attracted to the person you're having sex with, guy or girl, you're obviously not going to enjoy it. Just hope that you don't get some horrible rumor started about you by the guys you're experimenting with..

[Sharky]

For the love of God, if you don't want to have sex with someone don't. If any point during sex you want to stop, stop. Don't have sex just because someone told you to. Only have sex if you really want to. You don't have to date someone just because they proposition. Always use a condom. I doubt you really want to be a parent, and I'm pretty sure that's the last thing you need now. I suggest making an appointment at planned parenthood. Only shave your body hair, grow your hair out, or wear a bra,  if you want to, it's your body. If he doesn't like it he doesn't have to be your boyfriend. Please start respecting yourself.

[harlee]

Does he know that you are a trans guy? It really sounds like he see's you as a girl, especially when he told you to grow your hair out and wear a bra. You shouldn't really ever do something or become something other than yourself for someone your dating. This is a really stupid example but I had a girlfriend at school a while back, and I moved into one of her classes to see her more  I really hated the class, and about 2 days later she broke up with me! I only did it for her and in a couple of days after it meant nothing. So I had a fuuun time trying to get back out of it

But yeah, I think before you do anything tho, you should really talk to him about how you feel and where you may be headed in life  If he cant accept that...then he's just not worth your time. As for your sexual orientation its ok not to know whether you are straight, gay, or bi yet. Some people take a while before they figure it out. If you didnt feel turned on in sex maybe you just arent sexually attracted to boys or the guy himself. And its really easy to feel jealous when someone has something you really want 

[Wraith]

Having random sex with someone is not the way to find out what your orientation is, and orientation is not wether or not you can "enjoy" sex with a particular gender, it's wether or not you are actually attracted/interested in the first place and feel like it's what you want.
If you weren't enjoying it - it doesn't even have to mean you're not bi, it just means you put yourself in a crappy situation with a guy you don't connect with.

Stop hurrying to figure out these things, there's really NO reason to. I don't even get why it matters so much to people. If you find someone you actually like - no matter the gender - just go on with that and enjoy.

Also, just because you have a front hole doesn't mean you have to use it sexually, if that's not what you want. Even a guy has to respect that if that's what you're dating.

[Kentrie]

I was going to break up with him because he knows I'm Transgender but as soon as I started dating him then he kept referring to me as female. He had me give him a kiss before I went to the park and this other boy saw and thought we were both guys....who had a penis, so he said something and my boyfriend (Ugh, I hate saying that word because I want a girlfriend) flipped out and started saying "See, Kentrie, why I told you to start dressing like a girl, it's gonna freak people out." I don't want to break up with him because I don't want to make him mad (We've only been dating 2 days) I know I like girls though because whenever I'm with a guy then I look at a girl and start drooling over the way she has soft skin and just because she's female. I've never looked at a guy that way. He wants me to have sex with him every day and I just can't handle that. I don't even like sex that much.

[Sabriel Facrin]

Yeah.  He just needs to be dropped.  Don't even think about how mad he gets, because every misery he feels he has -called- for it!  The guy's a manwhore, and he's just using you for the sexual experience.  You really need to get a preg-test slip like above suggested, because I'm starting to think that he's just pulling lies. (Plus, even if he's being honest, low sperm count on a daily basis might as well be one sexual experience with a high sperm count.)  These aren't 'dates', these are intermissions for him to drag in your trust.  Any romantic experience really delays before having sex, and that's why the guys use it as later bases when they do baseball anologies, even amongst the perverts. :\

Don't let him get to you for any reason.  Even if he pulls threats on revealing you're not a physio-guy, the other thing that's going to reveal you're a physio-guy is if you gain a pregnancy belly over time.  Besides, someone like this is going to aim to break down your confidence, which will make you really miserable about yourself if/when he gets enough time to break it. (and I know how it feels to do get pulled into it: I was delayed on going through all of my MtF efforts for several years just because my ex-GF didn't want it...she was only trying to coach me into being a loyal sex toy with income, and now I'm freaking out because my mental patience is shot by now :\)

(Edit: Added below)
( If you're already in the middle of physical transition, btw, I'm sorry for saying the 'physio-guy' bit ^^; Because I'm under the impression that you're still early in everything D: )

[Sharky]

I was going to break up with him because he knows I'm Transgender but as soon as I started dating him then he kept referring to me as female. He had me give him a kiss before I went to the park and this other boy saw and thought we were both guys....who had a penis, so he said something and my boyfriend (Ugh, I hate saying that word because I want a girlfriend) flipped out and started saying "See, Kentrie, why I told you to start dressing like a girl, it's gonna freak people out." I don't want to break up with him because I don't want to make him mad (We've only been dating 2 days) I know I like girls though because whenever I'm with a guy then I look at a girl and start drooling over the way she has soft skin and just because she's female. I've never looked at a guy that way. He wants me to have sex with him every day and I just can't handle that. I don't even like sex that much.

If you don't want to be with him, break up. No one likes getting broken up with, but you should't stay in a relationship just because breaking up with them will hurt their feelings. Start putting your wants and needs before others. If you don't want to kiss someone, or do anything for that matter, don't.

[Noah G.]

First I'm going to get this out of the way and agree with everyone else: drop this guy.

You're two days into a "relationship" and it already sounds like a toxic one. Obviously he doesn't care about your feelings, so he only deserves the same in return, and it'll be far better for you if you get out of this sooner rather than later. Do it over the phone or through texts if you need to -- normally I wouldn't say that, but given how this guy sounds my usual reasons don't apply: just get out of this.

Second, you really should go to Planned Parenthood and see if they can give you the morning after pill or not.

Third, I think you already have your answer on your sexuality. If you have no interest in other guys, and only "drool" over girls then obviously you're straight. Sure, this might change in the future, who knows, but for now you have your answer and as others have said it's not really a pressing matter that needs to be figured out right now.

Fourth, and don't take this the wrong way because I'm only trying to help you out, you really need to gain some self-confidence, man. I know it can be hard when you're young and trying to figure things out, but sometimes "faking it 'til you make it" does work, and also sometimes you have to force yourself to do things in order to gain the confidence. Start working out or something, or start a sport that will help you with self-discipline and self-esteem (boxing and martial arts are highly recommended). Sometimes music can help as well. Do things you enjoy and work on feeling comfortable with yourself and the self-confidence will build.

I know it can be difficult feeling comfortable with yourself given the whole trans thing, but you don't have to be 100% comfortable with your body to be self-confident. This is more about feeling good about who you are personality-wise and stuff, feeling confident in your abilities so to speak, than it is about saying that you love everything about yourself. Does that make sense? Sorry if not, I've been sick so I'm trying my best.

But, really, self-confidence is key in so many things. Life can really take off and things can really happen when you're self-confident that you might miss when you're not. Plus, you don't end up in nearly as many bad/potentially bad situations.

Good luck. I know you're young, so take these as the words of someone who, really, was in the same low-confidence position not that horribly long ago.

Compromising yourself gets you nowhere: you need to stand your ground on things and, really, put yourself before others. They're responsible for them; you're responsible for you.

[Kentrie]

My mom refuses to let me take a morning after pill. She said if I'm pregnant then I'm keeping it. I'm really freaking out right now because I don't want to have a kid. My brain is full of "What ifs"

[Sharky]

My mom refuses to let me take a morning after pill. She said if I'm pregnant then I'm keeping it. I'm really freaking out right now because I don't want to have a kid. My brain is full of "What ifs"

It's not her body it's not her choice, even if she is your mom. If you want an abortion go get one. You can get finical assistance. Call up your local planned parent hood.

[Kentrie]

She would disown me and kick me out of the house if I had that done.

[Nikolai_S]

She doesn't have to know about the morning after pill, just get it and lie to her, tell her you didn't.

This post is baffling to me.

Why are you dating someone you obviously don't want to date? Why would you have sex with a guy once, let alone three times, if you don't want to have sex with one at all? Why would you keep having sex with someone when it was painful, instead of telling him to stop? Why would you even consider doing things like growing out your hair, to please someone you don't even like, when they would cause you that much dysphoria? And why won't you break up with a guy who doesn't like who you are, who you don't like, who insists on sex even when you don't want it, and is making you this uncomfortable? I'd like to understand and be supportive, but I just have no idea what's going on in your mind.

[Sharky]

She would disown me and kick me out of the house if I had that done.

Don't tell her.

[Noah G.]

It's not her body it's not her choice, even if she is your mom.

Planned Parenthood holds the same opinion. If for some reason they give you a hard time, see if you can find it at a drugstore in your area.

And Nikolai's right: your ma doesn't have to know.

Would she really disown you and kick you out for this? If so, I have to ask...is that better than potentially having a baby? It's an honest question, because that sort of sounds like a lose-lose situation in which you have to make a choice. There's ways you can get that pill that leaves her with no way of knowing about it unless you tell her, and that sounds like a better route to go than doing nothing and constantly worrying until it's confirmed one way or another whether you might be pregnant.

[Sharky]

Wait, what the ->-bleeped-<-! Your mother knows all this? She knows how you are letting people treat you?

[~RoadToTrista~]

I think I know now what I'll tell my daughter if she asks me for birth control.



Or son.

[Arch]

Kentrie, I'm sure that you have many factors to consider if it turns out that you are pregnant. If you ARE, then you will want to know as soon as you can so that you have options.

People are telling you that if you get an abortion or take the morning after pill, you don't need to tell your mother. That's definitely true if you're of age; I'm not sure of the laws if you're not--and if you're a minor, don't say anything in the thread. Save that for private communication.

But if you do wind up pregnant and "getting rid of it," do consider the personal cost of not telling your mother. There might not be any disadvantages to keeping a secret from her, but only you can weigh the pluses and minuses. And you can't do that till you know.

When it comes to sexual orientation, lots of people experiment. But, as others have pointed out, it's hard to make decisions about your orientation if you're basing your decision on sex with people you're not attracted to. You seem to be struggling to sort things out. I understand that impulse--it can drive a person to do things he doesn't even really want to do. And social pressure can be tremendous as well.

But I think some other people have the right idea. You really don't need to figure it out right this minute, do you? And some kinds of experiences might not help you to decide. Maybe you should let it unfold at its own pace. You might feel differently about both men and women after you transition, if you plan to transition. Then again, maybe not. No way to know right now.

If nothing else, sex with girls won't involve pregnancy dangers.

If you're with a guy and WANT to explore that relationship or see if you can get him to understand who you are, you can do that. But if your heart isn't in it, if he's pressuring you and making you uncomfortable, if you're pressuring yourself, if after quite a bit of discussion he refuses to recognize your identity--not so good.

Looks like you're another West Virginia boy--maybe you fellas ought to band together and support each other.

Hang in there--one step at a time.

[Kentrie]

My mom likes the boy because he's always polite to both me and her but he just doesn't like me for me. He's more of my friend than anything. My mom doesn't understand what I'm going through and it stresses her out so much that one time she almost had a heart attack. Are there any symptoms of pregnancy in the first week after you have sex?