Female Doctors

[PandaValentine]

I've always had a real issue with female doctors, and women in general. I don't mean this in a sexist "I hate women" way, I just don't like being touched by them. I feel uncomfortable, and my anxiety becomes severe to the point where I have had panic attacks or cried after a nurse exposed my back during an x-ray (few months pre-T). I have had male doctors down my shirt to check my heart beat and although it does bother me to have them there, with a female doctor I was trying to stop myself from shaking and clutching my fists so I didn't push her away. I haven't had any 'bad' experience with women touching me either, and none with men. But even with family it was that way, if my uncles wanted hugs or my dad's friends I was jumping at the chance and always all over them because I loved bonding with them and seeing them but when it came to women I kept my distance or resisted the hug. Like I don't like hugging and touching in general these days (I do like it but anxiety makes me not like it) but I still can't get over how strange this all is.

Now this is really weird as well because as a kid growing up my mum always taught me NEVER to have male doctors - because of all the horror stories she started hearing on the news. But whenever she brought me in I was very resistant with letting the female doctors touch me. I wouldn't get undressed and into the gowns and I would run away if I knew what they wanted to do. So my family doctor is female, she's been incredibly accepting but she's not the best doctor and she can take forever just to get around to doing things that are very important to me (like taking two months to send out a letter for a specialist because she 'forgot').

Now if all this wasn't bad enough I got all this back pain right from that damn female reproductive system, and I need a hysterectomy because there is no way I'm going on pain killers for years and years and its not like I want to have biological kids. My gynecologist though...is a female. This immediately turned me off. I told my endocrinologist (who's male) that there is no way I am doing anything invasive, she's not allowed near me and he told me I can do an ultrasound. But then there is the surgery part. If I get a female surgeon, I'm going to be so stressed about it. I mean you 'have' to get an examination to check for cancer prior to surgery, doctors who don't make you are serious idiots, and if the examination wasn't bad enough I cannot let a woman near there. I just can't. If I want a chick to see what I got in my pants, I expect the dinner, movies, the full package. But with guys even though I know I don't have a penis like they go there is some comfort with them touching my body and I can't figure it out. Like I'll probably cry through the examination no matter who the doctor is but I'm going to be cutting myself in a corner if it's a female, it just bothers me that much. Now what worries me is this gynecologist who may not have got the memo I'm not doing anything invasive may insist and she may not take me seriously or whatever if I don't. She's trans friendly supposedly but I'm one of those, touch me and die people. You lay a hand on me and I don't like it, I react very badly.

I have no idea what my issue is with women but it's gone way to far. Like I don't even like when my sisters touch me but me and my nephew (in a non-creepy way) are all over each other. He loves hugs and I'll constantly be picking him up and play fighting him, but with my female cousins growing up I wasn't like that, I kept my distance. I don't know what it is that makes me push away from women. I've had bad relationships with mainly men in my family, my dad and my grandpa, but even before it got bad with them I was like that. So no matter how hard I try to rationalize it to something they did it doesn't work.

I have a male dentist at the moment and he is incredibly amazing, probably even better because he's non-talkative which I like. My old dentist who was a female would talk to me my entire appointment with drills in my mouth and expect me to answer...it was incredibly stupid. But when my male dentist now leaves the room it's ALWAYS a female assistant and things get very tense. I don't want her coming near me or going near my mouth because that's also very invasive.

I can usually man up for things that need to be done like for my EKG when they made me wear my gown so it opened in the front and were sticking stickers like right on my chest (one just ripped open my gown and inside I nearly lost it and immediately my hand rushed to my chest. As soon as she was gone at least the other nurse turned out to be considerate and held it for me though I was still highly uncomfortable. She could see I didn't want some bitch just treating me like I had no fears, no insecurities. I was already having a panic attack before that time so it didn't freaken help.

Once again I'm sorry this is so long, it's just this appointment is now in two months (slowly getting closer) and this thought has been terrifying me. I don't know what my issue is or how to make it sound like it even makes sense. I would think that being trans I would resent men or something, but maybe I just don't like women touching me because they recognize the body far to well for my own comfort? Maybe? Or perhaps it's something else, I've always been curious so if anyone else has the same situation what do you think it's about?

But onto what I really need advice on and that is what to do if I do have to have my 'lower' examination done by a woman because who knows, that may be the only one willing to do the surgery since I'm still young and the doctor obviously has to be trans friendly. I'm really scared about that possiblity but I can't wait forever for them to find me a trans friendly surgeon who's male.

[EmilyElizabeth]

I can definitely relate to this from the other side of things.  Male doctors have always creeped me out and made me insanely uncomfortable when they touch me.  I remember growing up and having a female doctor come in and being excited that I finally would be cared for by a woman, but, no, she was just there to set up and just as always, my usual male doctor came in.  I also have a really had time opening up to men, so I pretty much have to get female therapists and psychiatrists.

Maybe this will fade with time and as I gain more comfortability with my body, but for now, it has to be all women. 

[Janet_Girl]

I agree with Emily.  I am not really all that comfortable with male doctors.  I will take a female doctor any day of the week.

[Korlee]

I cannot really comment on how you deal with women in general as I have little in that frame of reference the same as yours.  As I always tend to judge people on a case by case pure basis.

However.. I can understand it from the medical viewpoint.  After all a great many people have problems with having a doctor of another gender touch key areas or just be around them in general.  I can relate to this in mass as I refuse at this point to let any male doctor near me and it tears me apart that my choice of Stuporn in Thailand as the surgeon is male.  Even if it is far off the creator of that part, first person to see it, and happiest day of my life will be created by a male doctor.  It does indeed irk me on a great many levels.

Another patch is being transgender in some ways also makes me somewhat just uncomfortable around female doctors.  Due to the fact I lack key parts at the moment and also the fact they lucked out on getting the easy part of life handed to them on a silver platter.  So in ways I lose out on both fronts, heh.

I do think you should talk to someone a little about yours though.  It is just unhealthy to take that into every aspect of ones life. =/

[sascraps]

I'm not comfortable with doctors either way. With female doctors, they're mostly skinny tiny little things and then I feel inferior. But then there's a few big Russian nurse looking ones out there that I'd suspect are lesbians. And such was the one the one time I was forced to have a gyn exam. That was so traumatic I didn't leave the house for SO long after that. I was afraid to show my face in public for fear someone would "know what I had done". And that's even with some other woman having been seen at that ob-gyn clinic who had to be 600 lbs... But I'm still just THAT self-conscious. But then with male doctors, I might be initially more comfortable talking with a male doctor, but for stuff like that, I'd be afraid of how disgusted they'd be by my body, and might joke with their friends about it later. So it bothers me either way.

[Arch]

My phobia about female health care workers is something like yours but not quite as bad. I think a lot of it stems from my lousy relationship with my mother, but a lot of it is trans-related.

I grew up a Navy brat way back when, so I always had male doctors. Then, in college, I went to campus health services and saw a female GYN. No choice of doctor. But by then I had "flipped the switch" in my brain, numbed myself to my self-conscious feelings about my body. That really helped. I had issues but got through it.

Still emotionally shut down, I made my way through adulthood and saw a variety of practitioners. I didn't so much mind having nurses take my blood pressure and get me ready for the doctor, but I hated having a female doctor, and I hated having a woman in the room as a chaperon for a male doctor.

I've had some bad/unpleasant experiences with GYNs. Three with women, two with men. Guess which ones bother me more. The two men were pretty condescending, as a lot of male GYNs were back in the eighties. As a lot of men were/are toward women. I was mortified to be on the receiving end of that, but now I also believe that I took it in stride because they were reflecting back feelings that I had about women. I was somewhat misogynistic. So in a weird way, those experiences were not as bad as they sound. (One of the guys was only a problem in the personal interview, not the exam; the other guy was just a dingbat.)

But the women...everyone was always talking about how much greater it was to have a female GYN, they were so much nicer and gentler and more understanding...I kept forcing myself to go, or I got stuck with them at student health services while I was in grad school...and I only had good experiences with one. One. The rest seemed uncomfortable with me. I won't go into the details, but I will say that I wonder if my own discomfort--even though it was heavily repressed at the time--may have contributed.

I stopped seeing GYNs for years. Now I will only see men. If you can change your doctor, do. You need to do what is comfortable for you. Your emotional health is a factor in your physical health. And if you have a therapist, you might start working on this issue. I've made significant progress on it myself. I know I have a long way to go, but some progress is better than none.

[Adio]

But then with male doctors, I might be initially more comfortable talking with a male doctor, but for stuff like that, I'd be afraid of how disgusted they'd be by my body, and might joke with their friends about it later.

I don't know how things are other places, but the physicians and nurses I've had clinical experience with don't discuss their patient's appearance unless it directly pertains to the care being given.  They especially don't gossip about patients with their friends.  Most health care professionals have seen a wide variety of body types and patient eccentricities.  If you need medical care, please don't be embarrassed to ask for it.

On topic, I prefer female doctors and therapists.  I think female HCPs are generally, but not always, more nurturing with patients than male HCPs.  I don't mind seeing a male physician.  I just scheduled an appointment with a male MD to get medical clearance for surgery.  I guess if I had a traumatic experience, I'd feel differently, but I've had both positive/negative experiences with both males and females.  Generally, I try to find the best provider regardless of their gender.