There are probably as many ways to have told the world, or at least our part of it about ourselves as there are us. Some of us have basically been out to everyone that matters very early. Others of us have not let anyone else know. No way is in itself the best way, maybe no way is even a good way.
For me, only a couple of very close friends knew about "Susan". In the 70s I lived with a woman who I told early in the relationship. I told my wife in the early 80s before we married. I tried doctors in the 70s with no help; strange how 35 years later so many doctors are still clueless. I told my therapist and support group last year. In August, after 64 years of hiding, being on hormones, I was ready for real life. To tell everyone I wrote a letter to maybe 35 people, trying to explain GID and it's effect on me, that I was making a transition, and that I hoped everyone would be supportive. This group was in-laws, friends (I thought), acquantances (some who showed they were friends), neighbors.
In 9 months I have heard from 4 of them.
The most interesting response I received, and perhaps the most interesting response I could have received, was from a long-time friend who had been out of touch for several years that I actually put on my letter list at the last just because I respected him. He was among the first to answer back, and he told me that he had the same situation for 30 years and she had been on hormones for most of that time. She has since started seeing my therapist and is working on transition her own way. I could have predicted a lot of different outcomes from sending letters, but not that one!
So, did my letter work? Yes, in that I told everyone and in a standard way. No, in that practically no one came running to me to help or otherwise be a comfort. But I did get an answer from that as well. And, I helped another to move ahead. That has made it completely worthwhile!
Susan Kay
