So I went to the free clinic for the 3rd time this week, to the open walk-in clinic on Wednesdays thinking that I was going to be getting some help in everything only to find out that they had pretty much written me off because all of the blood tests they had done on my first visit showed that I'm perfectly healthy, so they see me as not needing care.
So I had to wait almost 2 hours because I wasn't in the system or on the list to be seen by the doctors that volunteer for the open clinic. I had also initially, on my first visit, been told that they can help with transition and had had a transgender person in there recently who they helped with that person's transition.
So I asked about that again with the nurse and then it was nearly 2 hours later that some other nurse and 2 little student girls came in the room to tell me that Dr. F (the medical doctor) said she would not help me with transition, nor hormone therapy or appetite suppressants and that she would not write me a prescription for anything at all, because all prescriptions are controlled substances, and she has a strong stance against controlled substances and she does not write prescirptions for street people to abuse. !!!!
You can bet I was pissed!!!! Shocked and pissed!!! It caught me so off guard that I didn't even know what to say but I was so pissed I had to hold back tears of anger! So I'm nothing but some homeless drug addict to them?!?! It might be the homeless walk in clinic but they know I'm not homeless! And I told them from the start that I'm straight edge! And why the hell tell me they helped someone else with their transition?? They just won't help ME because the main doctor thinks I'm just some drugged out bum?!?!?! Un->-bleeped-<-ingbelievable!!!
And then it was nearly another hour before they got the psychologist (Dr. S) in to see me again, since I wasn't in the system & on the list... So when she finally came in, she seemed nice enough and talked to me mostly about my weight as she has for the past 2 weeks that I've been in. And I told her I was pissed off about being told that they helped someone else but wouldn't do anything for me, and that I already feel like I'm not getting anywhere and nothing will ever change because I want physical changes NOW, not 2, 5 or 10 years from now. And she suggested I try to get a scale so I can have some confirmation of results. And she said I was doing really good and that if I kept up eating the way I have the past week and walking every day, that I should lose significant weight within a year.
So I've spent most of the day just trying to cool off and get over how two-faced this whole town is and how hopeless everything is. I've been looking up information and stuff and have decided that the only way I'm going to get what I want is to do everything myself, like always. I've lived my whole life without doctors and have always self-medicated, I'm smart enough and know myself and my body well enough to be able to handle it on my own. So I'm just going to try to stay focused on keeping my eating habits to where they're at, and it varies because I just can't stick to a real rigid regimen, but I'm going to try to keep for an average of 1600cal/day which is a significant difference from the 2500cal/day average I used to have. And at the end of the year, work the only job I can get which is to do the bell-ringing for the Salvation Army around the holidays, because they're the only place that hires us lowly bum "street people". As much as I f-ing hate people, cold weather, and the holidays, that'll give me $1000 and with that I can get my name changed and buy T online. Because I don't play. I'm sick of BS. I'm sick of everybody's power trips and keeping me down because they just see me as some lowlife to have power and control over. I want my life to truly be
my life once and for all! I'm not f'n' playin'.
