I apologise for the lengthiness but it has been a long time coming to where I am and fear I can not go much further... So anyway. I dressed up in femme once, my slacks, purple silk shirt, my first attempt at make up and heavy rubber mock-ups of Jenna J's breasts and a pair of my wife's 2 inch wedges, the only ones I could squeeze my feet in to and drove down to the apartment dumpster to take out the trash. Never expected to run into anyone, I was just going "out" in femme. As I was getting out of the car a woman walked up with her trash. We made eye contact and I'm sure she saw the fear in my eyes but she said Hi and I quietly returned the gesture and we went on our own ways. I quickly got back in John's clothes when I got back to the apt. But happy with myself just the same. So my world blew up in my face, I nearly lost my wife as well as my best friend and his wife over the ordeal. Everybody seemed cool with it until pressured a little. It wouldnt have been so bad losing all that at the time except I had no one else to turn to. My hair was my greatest asset, since my genetics blessed/cursed me with a 6 ' 2" frame, in trying to assimilate what I still wasnt understanding completely and now it seemed all of that, the little progress I had made, went down the tubes. In 6 months I cut a full 24 inches of hair off, threw away everything I had accumulated, I tried to repress the feelings I was just coming to accept as real and moved on. Well, it worked for quite a while. Never thought about it. Then 19 months ago we had a beautiful baby girl and I became the primary caregiver and as my GG bestie recently pointed out, my motherly instinct may have kicked in. And as Elton John said, "The B**** is back."
So now with the support, encouragement, and enabling...of my GGBFF I have accumulated quite an assortment of delicates of which I tuck and wear nearly every day, make up with which I experiment with fairly confidently, and the somewhat obvious but androgynous unibrow sculpting I have been doing for a while I am slowly outing to a few of my closest GG buddies online some of which I see in the classroom as well. I'm feeling pretty confident about everything now but, I am sure that from past experience, the one who needs to know the most, my SO, will make the rest of my life very difficult where it comes to my daughter. I know. There is the legal system slowly beginning to work toward our favor. But I am worried that I may not make it long enough to appreciate what it can do for me when my world blows up in my face again. I also know that I cant hide it forever, especially since I am considering a trip to GNC for a bottle of herbal supplements. Things, two of them to be exact, if the ads are true, will start to...um...develop. Putting an end to my secret. I'm guessing I'll burn that bridge when I get to it...to recoin a phrase. And there it is (for the most part), the story of how Lana B. came to end up in Susan's Place... (Big sigh)
