"I have to ask you a question...but I don't want to offend you" really?!

[kelly_aus]

I've gotten "I'd like to ask you a question, but I don't know how to ask." a few time. In which case I usually thank them for their honesty and tell them to just ask away. I'm happy to answer questions, as long as they are asked with some respect and sensitivity. My friends and family all know that I'm happy to answer any questions they have - as long as I actually have any answer myself.

I can understand why you got upset though, x_momoXpanda_x. Having someone question your gender would be upsetting, regardless of how the question was asked.

[~RoadToTrista~]

I've had a few people assume I was a transman, just because I present as a tomboy rather than feminine.

That's what I thought when you first joined, lol

[Padma]

That's what I thought when you first joined, lol

Yeah, well on here, that was partly my fault for misunderstanding how people use the planet flags .

[Cindy]

Lets put it into perspective. it is rude.

How many woman with a 'tummy' get offended by the 'Oh you are pregnant' comment, when they are not. Every single one and NO they do not laugh it off. Long term friendships have been finished by that remark.

Cindy

[Maddie Secutura]

It's one thing to ask for the purpose of being rude.  It used to upset me when I was asked that while attempting to look more feminine as opposed to my usual androgynous appearance.  When in my normal attire, apparently folks just assume one or the other.  However plenty of people have asked me not to be rude but just for clarification because apparently I could have gone either way.  I do not want to be asked when actually I bother to wear a dress and makeup.  It makes me feel like I'm not doing something right.

[spacial]

I have ti agree with Cindy here. As far as I'm concerned, there is only one reason for anyone to ask this question, that is, to be rude and to hurt.

[rachel_eliason]

I think for me it depends on how the question is asked. If it's politely phrased and the person seems genuinely curious I will tell them the whole story. If they are being rude it's another story. "I am a woman and that's all you need to know" or if I am in a real snarky mood "I was not put on this earth to solve your gender confusion." If it's in a bar "well, you aren't going to find out like that!!" 

Usually I use humor to diffuse the situation. When a young child once asked me if I was a boy or a girl and the mom pulled him away appalled I said, "Hey, it took me thirty years to answer that question, why should he get it right on the first try?"

[x_momoXpanda_x]

exactly and if someone is that damn curious then look for indicators like name or CLOTHING and such like that.....my "natal" female friend that gets asked her gender even gets offended exactly unless im going to be intimate with someone on any level then its nobodies business you know lol

[missjanealice]

I just today realized that I would prefer someone ask me if they where unsure then to make the wrong assumption and "sir" me. just 2 more cents.

[Taka]

i understand how much it may hurt others to be asked about their gender in this way, even if i'm a type of person who'd love to be able to confuse people enough to make them ask (not that i'd give any clear answer tho..)

my experience with this way of asking a question is that the person asking knows how offensive it may be, and that this is exactly the type of curiosity which is known to kill cats.
i've personally been asked like this only once, though about my ethnicity (i'm sami, could be likened to native americans, only difference is that you often can't distinguish between sami and norwegians based on looks). this was in one of the most prejudistic places i know about, only people that are lower than the sami are homosexuals, transgendered, and the like. asking about it and getting it wrong (or if the person is a closet case) could very well get you near killed. so it can be just as scary to ask, as it is hurtful to be asked

and now i already forgot what i wanted to say with this... well, just consider the possibility whoever's asking really isn't trying to hurt you, but only is a very curious label addict cat

[Genevieve Swann]

If someone asked me "Are you a boy or a girl?"  I would answer, "Yes."   Then walk on.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Lets put it into perspective. it is rude.

How many woman with a 'tummy' get offended by the 'Oh you are pregnant' comment, when they are not. Every single one and NO they do not laugh it off. Long term friendships have been finished by that remark.

Cindy

That's a great example, I'm going to push that on them if someone asks me that.

[justmeinoz]

If they had asked, "How do you see yourself, as a boy or girl?", or "how you prefer to be regarded?", no problem.  It then becomes a reasonable, serious question.

Otherwise it's just plain rude and offensive.
Karen.

[BillieTex]

I have never been asked, but long before i ever started hormones i was mistaken as female (i'd just smile) then after i started i had a manager that was o-d ing on testostrone and he made snide comments behind my back in a hateful manner. I may never reach what most of you have but i enjoy being mistaken from time to time, if i could just loose weight i'd look more fem. But that question, even if ment not to offend, is offensive. Maybe in a hundred years people will accept each other for themselves, but today it's hard to move foreword when there are so many out there ready to condem others as being different when they know everyone should be what they are and think like they do.   

[Fifou]

I've never really been questioned. But um, you know I would also vouch for the "curious" theory.

Well, you know, my story. I've ran into a bunch of transitioning mtf's in my college (only liberal city around so there are many. I didn't want to offend any of them- how do I approach them? will they understand? should I quote hormones or something?

I imagined they would feel offended, so I never talked to them- And never saw them again- I missed out on some trans friends. Sometimes saying no and walking away is losing out the chance to make a new friend, not everyone wants to understand us.

And well, you seem young and probably around younger people who don't really know how to handle the situation.

Finally, in a closed setting like in a school rumors float around like crazy. Even if I gave them no notice, people from my former high school are still talking about me.   Oo rumors are much worse than curious people.

Maybe you were so pretty thats what drew him to you