mmmm...urrrr...teeth gringing...

[Peggiann]

I now it's been a long time since I've been into to post what is happening. Sorry for making any one wonder what ever Happen to Leah and Peggiann.

So much has been on my plate deal with.

What I'm about to share is fine if both sides of the populas speaks up and shares with me. I think I need both at this point.

Where to start? How to word it all? I think this is part of what has kept me silent.

Emotional state...or do I mean mood swings?

In our daily lives through out the 26 years of marriage, Leah has worked mostky self-employed. This means dealing with people up close. I have noticed over the last 4 years more than before anyway,that She gets all worked up and in a dander more easily. She has remarks when business goes not exactly how she wants and is made by law to comply, that the individual on the other side of that transaction is just added to a list of pay back and getting even group.

Please don't get me wrong some of these times I too have thought things went sorely wrong and unfairly. I just think how she handles things has change somewhat and has barring on how the ending turns out. I have seen her walk away and leave things go because it costs to much to fight it through for principal sake like she used to. This can also be costly when one looses property. Loss of monitary ground toward SRS results in having to pay for mistakes or fallowing the judges rulings or not paying out money to keep from loosing because she throughs her hands up and walks away.

I know I'm speaking in general kind of but details are not really needed to let me know emotional state changes due to hormones or maybe it's not hormone it's the realization that nothing is so important anymore. I mean right and wrong are somewhat constant. Here in Oklahoma people in Leah's former role could do and get away with doing out in the country what ever they were big enough to try...no one ever pushed each other into confrontations legal or verbal as they do now. Also a hand shake was the final bond on a deal and many times never a contract drawn up.

I guess what I'm saying to is a lot of her decissions are stronger heart felt and would not have had or she would not have shown her feelings of their out come or impact so openly. I find it unsettleing for me to see her this way at time. She has alway been the rock, the sold, the stronger of us in our relationship. I am seeing more "You take the lead and handle the issue" sort of thing. This is scary for me too.

Smiles to eveyone,
Peggiann

[Melissa]

My guess is this would have to do more with self perception rather than hormones.  Have you talked to her about it?  I think what you are saying is she's not so assertive anymore.  However, I think if she is using hormones as an excuse it is a poor one since I can be just as assertive as before if not more.  Perhaps something else is going on.  Has she become ambivalent about the business?  Maybe she would rather be doing something else.  I think this is a bigger issue than just hormonal changes.

Melissa

[Gill]

Hi Peggiann:

Glad your back - we've missed you.

It really does sound like there is something else going on.  Loss of focus, easily giving up, a why bother attitude.  Perhaps she needs to re-focus on just what her goals are.  For me I felt this way because I just felt that I didn't have any control.  Learning to take back that control is hard and a suggestion about talking to someone about what is going on may be the way to go.  That said, this may be hard for you to get her there if she doesn't want to go.

I agree with Melissa, perhaps she is just tired of what she is doing and is really looking for "something else".

Sorry I am not helping much here.  Keep talking to Leah and to us. 

Again welcome back.

Gill

[Bob]

Howdy Peggiann !
...
I wasn't going to respond to this because my thoughts are a bit negitive on the subject. but you said from all sides...so here goes <grin>

  Its this messed up socioty we live in that does that to people Peggiann ... it will change Leah ! and it will change YOU as well.... from the sweet person you once knew to a hartless person seaking only the almighty dollar
.... Unless you are very very strong... but even the strong fall to this ailment....


You see that happening now, usually, the change is so slow that it goes unknoticed, and one day you wake up and realise I'm not what I once was.... my principals have changed , the focus re directed the entire person someone diferent, though still wareing the same shell.    its called  LIFE.   No I'm not being a smart alic or trying to lesson the severity of what your going through... but it happens all the time, its what people do !
  My life as an example, one day I woke up and though , I simply cannot do this any more....then I got up and did it anyway because it was expected of me.... till one day I found myself at my wits end... ready to end it all
.... its that siveir, its no joke at all. its like as we know it.. and its a hartless cruel world out there.
and to watch it slowly Kill the one you love is a painfull thing to watch... some times its best just not to watch at all.
  this is Normal life.... one I am more or less used to... Yes it BITES !
HOWEVER there is a brighter side of life, one of Love and joy and hart felt thanks throughout... but these times are rair, and in my life far and few between. but they do make it worth liveing for.
....
Yes I have a Depressing look on our socioty as a whole, but I have learned it from socioty, I mistrust socioty
and hate it in any of its verious forms, it forces us to do things against our principals, and against those we love... because it can...and for no other reason... its humans controling other humans and the top dog wins
and its a knock down drag out event... and YOU WILL tow the mark or be put away..... period.
I know this from personal experience, I didn't come by this by reading it from a book, our County officials are forceing me to teardown 3/4 of my liveing place.... because they don't like it.... there was a time when I would have said  you'll take it when you pry my cold dead hands off of it ... its mine I paid for it , I built it and there is no one going to tell me I can'd do it.....
  but THERE IS... I have learned that that outlook is Stupid. they will make me conform to their wants one way or another... this is what they DO... principals have NOTHING whatsoever to do with it! right and wrong can be argued in court, but when the push comes to shove you do it their way or else.... PERIOD.
If Laeh has come to the same conclusions as I have then almost everything in life becomes futile, till the next part of socioty takes something else away from you... soon you will be left with nothing and there is not a dang thing you can do about it.... protest too loudly and they will put you behind bars to think about it, and do it anyway.  you will be branded a criminal and that fact will follow you the rest of your life... when in truth they are the criminals.... the only way I can see to survive in a Criminal socioty is to become a criminal like all the rest, and I won't do that... I will stick by what I know to be right, weather the socioty around me does or not...
  this is the part that is more than likely bothering Laeh...  how do you "Do whats right" when you should do whats wrong...   its enough to Drive ya nuts ! I am a god fearing law abideing man ...for the most part.but when those laws conflict with what is RIGHT... I am no longer  Law abideing...
I realise that the Idea of Right is desided by the Socioty we live in... not you or I alone. if everyone did what I do there would be Chaos...... or would there ?   I have enough fathe in my fellow man to believe he knows whats Right in his Hart.... he just don't do it because its convienient for him not to !
....
and this is the world we live in ... eather knuckel under or get trampled over...
what a grate world we live in!

...
now you see why I wasn't going to post. its a subject to important to shut up about though!

Peggiann, if you want to get along in Socioty you have to do it Sociotys way, weather they rip you off or not
this Makes very little sense to anyone with half a brain in their head... but unfortionately thats how it is !
....
Bob......

[Gill]

Good post Bob.

Gill

[Peggiann]

Thank you Bob, Melissa and Gill. I will share these with Leah later. They may help us put some of it to use and start setting other goals for closure to this part of a life that will no dought not be a part of our real life with the real Leah once she has her surgeries. I mean they can be food for thought and conversation anyway, which is how things can maybe feel as though we are accually doing something to move forword.

Peggiann