Hello Maga Girl. My story....let's see. Once upon a time back in the 70s I was a young transgirl who drove a couple of hours to see my therapist, get my hormones and get the support I needed in order to make my transition. My family was a rather closeknit one, completely southern, churchgoing and loving. However, saying that the thought of having a son/grandson who was becoming a daughter/granddaughter didn't sit well would be an understatement of biblical proportions. But I persevered...for a couple of years. Though I was read from time to time I was for the most part passable. Still, I always declined any sexual advances because I didn't tell strangers of my situation. I simply assumed that either they knew and were being kind or didn't know and might decide to harm me. As I progressed with transition my family made it clear that my decision was unacceptable and they'd have no part of it or me should I continue. As I said, we were closeknit so the idea of losing them was too much for me. I discontinued hormones, quit seeing the therapist and went into guy mode. A few years later I relocated to another city and began hormonal therapy once again. However, by this time I had a boyfriend, had purchased a home and had a job I absolutely loved. As time went on I stayed in guy mode while taking the hormones but finally came to the realization I'd lose everything if I continued. Once again, I stopped the hormones and told myself that someday I'd be in a position to become me.
In the years that followed my mother was diagnosed with a physical condition and told me the doctors gave her 5-7 years of a relatively normal life. She also told me she needed me so I found a job in the city where she was, sold my home and moved. That was in the late eighties and though mother was suffering she was never disabled by that particular condition. Several years ago though she suffered a stroke and so I began caring for her. She trusted and depended on no one but me so I became her advocate and, in her words, her protector. In a timespan just shy of a decade her health deterorated and she died just over two years ago. Eight months later my dad died so now it's my boyfriend of 28 years and me.
I knew something was wrong as a young child and verbally expressed it to my mom at the age of 5. But to my family, calling myself gay was preferable to being a transsexual. I met my boyfriend at a very low time in my life just after losing my grandmother and he was kind to me. We fell in love and I confided my secret to him. He erroneously assumed I'd live a gay lifestyle but that wasn't the case. However, he loves me and in spite of me putting a stop to sex years and years ago he's stayed with me. I'm fortunate to have him.
Now I find myself being over 50 and finally in the process of becoming the woman I have always known myself to be. I could share regrets but they do no good so I simply look ahead and make plans to bring Lisa to life. I find myself terrified and in anguish over the prospect of losing my boyfriend because he's in poor health and years older than me. But being on this road of self discovery, body changes and transition is exhilarating. For me there's no turning back.
That's my story in a big nutshell.
