Desperation

[natalies]

Hi girls,

Well had my second session with the therapist but i don't think she is doing much good to me.

I have a question for you girls... these days when i am walking in public or just outside my house and i see girls, I am just feeling the craziest urge to be one of them. I mean do you know what I mean. I just want to be one of them. It's like - It's like being desperate. I want be desperately be accepted as a woman. Has anyone of you had these kind of feelings.

Natalie.

[annette]

Hi Nathalie

Sure, this feeling sounds familiar, that's exactly the reason why I went to transition.
The desperately feeling  for me was that I was thinking I could never achieve to be a girl.
Thankfully it's possible, it's a long road but it's possible.
Keep faith honey, one day you're not desperate anymore, than you're a girl.

hugs
Annette

[spacial]

Every second of every day.

[justmeinoz]

In a word............Yes!

I found it helped relieve the Dysphoria a bit if I paid close attention to the details of what women  were doing, wearing,  the way they moved, spoke etc.  At least I felt like I had something I could practice at home,  what to look for in catalogues etc. and could feel like I was achieving something.  Bit like building a boat, a thousand small things all done just right.

You haven't said whether you have had any facial hair removal or similar done. I found that having laser treatment early was a big help in feeling like I was making progress.

Therapy is a slow process too, I was three sessions in before we got past the background, adolescence,  relationships, family etc.  Thorough takes time, and there is no point in not doing a proper job, so be patient, although I know it is hard.   

It's worth it, so hang in there.   Karen.

[natalies]

To continue...

The urge gets to point where I end up going to the bathroom and u know (mas***ate)... Then the feelings are surpressed for some time and then again it starts. I don't know if this is horniess in me, or I really want to be a woman from inside. When I think over it, I never want to u know do anything sexual with them - it's like I admire them and see myself in their shoes. I desperately wish that I could be accepted like one of them.

any comments...

[spacial]

Seems perfectly normal to want to be friends with and socialise with people like yourself.

[lauren3332]

You are not alone in your urge to be a girl when looking at other women.  Just because you get horny does not make your need to be a woman any less valid.  You are under the influence of male hormones.  This means that your body is going to respond in a male way.  When you masturbate all the way until an orgasm, you are not going to have feelings of anything afterwards other than relief.  When sexual urges occur, the body eventually needs to get it out of its system.  When you focus on masturbation, you only have the goal of releasing the energy.  If your feelings of wanting to be a girl return soon after an orgasm, then I would say that those feelings mean more than just sexual gratification.  Sexual arousal also comes in the form of pent up energy.  Sexual arousal doesn't always have to deal with wanting to do things to another person.  In other words, your arousal doesn't necessarily mean that you want to engage the women that you are looking at.  Maybe the emotions of wanting to be a girl are so pent up that you need to release the energy in  a sexual manner. 

[lauren3332]

I also don't think that sexual organs need to assert a specific gender if the feelings are not there.  The penis is commonly referred to as "manhood" but if the person doesn't feel like a man, then can his or her penis really be a symbol of masculinity?  Body parts are just body parts.  The feelings of the individual are what is important.  A cis male might feel that he can assert his masculinity by using his penis, but the penis itself doesn't assert anything at all. 

[Sephirah]

Hi girls,

Well had my second session with the therapist but i don't think she is doing much good to me.

I have a question for you girls... these days when i am walking in public or just outside my house and i see girls, I am just feeling the craziest urge to be one of them. I mean do you know what I mean. I just want to be one of them. It's like - It's like being desperate. I want be desperately be accepted as a woman. Has anyone of you had these kind of feelings.

Natalie.

You already are, hon. Not necessarily in the way you want, but in the most important parts... in your heart and mind. Think about that and it may make the feelings lessen. Everything else can be worked on, but you already are what you want to be. Inside.

Remember, there's a difference between wanting to be and wanting to express that being. One you already have, the other... well, that's all up to you.

[James-Alen]

Hello Natalies. I haven't started therapy yet, but I am really nervous about spending that much money on a useless or bias one >< That would be super frustrating. I am FTM, but I can relate to how you feel. I think we all can here, guys and girls alike. Usually I am ok with myself, but sometimes I experience mild irritability and jealousy when I see guys in public, especially ones that I find overly attractive ( I have a weird thing where when I see a good looking guy, instead of acknowledging that fact, I compare him to myself and contemplate how I can imitate the attractiveness). I often feel very desperate to be in the 'in group' and accepted by men around me.

These feelings will lessen/ become less intense as you transition and become closer to a woman to yourself.

Hi girls,

Well had my second session with the therapist but i don't think she is doing much good to me.

I have a question for you girls... these days when i am walking in public or just outside my house and i see girls, I am just feeling the craziest urge to be one of them. I mean do you know what I mean. I just want to be one of them. It's like - It's like being desperate. I want be desperately be accepted as a woman. Has anyone of you had these kind of feelings.

Natalie.

[Ann Onymous]

You are not alone in your urge to be a girl when looking at other women.  Just because you get horny does not make your need to be a woman any less valid.  You are under the influence of male hormones.  This means that your body is going to respond in a male way.  When you masturbate all the way until an orgasm, you are not going to have feelings of anything afterwards other than relief.  When sexual urges occur, the body eventually needs to get it out of its system.  When you focus on masturbation, you only have the goal of releasing the energy.  If your feelings of wanting to be a girl return soon after an orgasm, then I would say that those feelings mean more than just sexual gratification.  Sexual arousal also comes in the form of pent up energy.  Sexual arousal doesn't always have to deal with wanting to do things to another person.  In other words, your arousal doesn't necessarily mean that you want to engage the women that you are looking at.  Maybe the emotions of wanting to be a girl are so pent up that you need to release the energy in  a sexual manner.

The two issues are not necessarily linked to each other...conversely, there are also elements of physical response that do not mean that the sexual 'reaction' is a prototypical male response.  Remember that not all transsexuals have a desire to be WITH someone of the opposite sex post-surgically.  M2F lesbians are hardly uncommon, especially now that the medical profession moved out of the dinosaur era.

The broader issue for the shrink here *COULD* be that the desire to go engage in a sexual release is being linked to the thoughts of BEING female.  While it is certainly possible that someone could have that link and still be transsexual, I don't know of anyone who, pre-operatively, took their thoughts of surgical correction and used them in a sexual manner for release...

[lauren3332]

The main point is not to let your sexuality make you think that you are not a girl.  I would only question you if you felt the desire to be a girl only after you were sexual aroused.  Based on what you have said, this does not seem to be the case.  I got caught on a bunch of small things that supposedly prove I was not a transsexual.  Once I realized how dumb those small hang ups were, I began to see that I had no reason to doubt myself.  The sooner you realize yourself the better.   

[lauren3332]

The two issues are not necessarily linked to each other...conversely, there are also elements of physical response that do not mean that the sexual 'reaction' is a prototypical male response.  Remember that not all transsexuals have a desire to be WITH someone of the opposite sex post-surgically.  M2F lesbians are hardly uncommon, especially now that the medical profession moved out of the dinosaur era.

The broader issue for the shrink here *COULD* be that the desire to go engage in a sexual release is being linked to the thoughts of BEING female.  While it is certainly possible that someone could have that link and still be transsexual, I don't know of anyone who, pre-operatively, took their thoughts of surgical correction and used them in a sexual manner for release...

All I meant to say was that masturbation does not mean Natalie cannot be a transsexual.  I myself ran myself in circles over dumb stuff when I did not have to.  I don't want the same thing to happen to Natalie.  Going around in circles is stupid when you don't have to. 

[natalies]

Thank you for the support to all of you. I am glad to have read your responses. They have been encouraging. The feeling of being a woman from inside is me at all times and these days the want to express it, is getting more and more. I just want to get out there dressed and be accepted as one of the girls and not being able to do that makes matters worse.

Although, ever since I have started to express myself at work (in a little way) - by like wearing undergarments, just trying to be like on off the other girls, has given me a small level of satisfaction, although very little - but something is better than nothing.

[Cindy]

Hi Natalies,

Was your wife at the therapy session? Or she still in the not knowing/ignore it and it will go away stage? Can you dress at home and let your body react to your mind by getting into a comfy zone?

BTW as others have said it is perfectly normal to look at woman and have a desire to be her. GG woman do exactly the same thing, it is what runs the fashion industry. Goddess she looks good in that, I'll get something similar, love those nails, I'll get mine done.

Guys don't seem to do that.

When I was asked at work what I was doing for the weekend and I said, getting waxed, getting my eyebrows done, the woman looked in complete understanding. Guys didn't have a clue. 

Cindy

[natalies]

No Cindy. Wife is still unaware of this.

I did indirectly brought up this topic and was surprised to see how much against this she actually was. I don't want to spill out the words, but 1 thing for sure - our marriage will end and my whole family will find out about me. It's really unfortunate to hear her reaction.