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Dysphoric Moments and How to Deal?

Started by chris101, June 14, 2011, 07:14:56 PM

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chris101

I was wondering what kind of things happen in your lives that make you feel the most dysphoric, and how you deal with it? I need some help with this because I'm not sure.

I find the worst part for me is body and facial hair, because i can control my clothes and the hair on my head but the body hair just grows and grows back no matter how I shave or wax. It makes me just want to rip it out sometimes.

I hate being called 'sir' or having someone call attention to my boyish features. I still present as male in public (although a femme male), so I can't blame them for doing it, but it makes me feel sick all the same.

So, what do you think are the hardest moments that make you feel dysphoric, and how do you fix it? I find, for me, it's best to get home in private as soon as possible so I can put on my real clothes and feel feminine again. My boyfriend is also wonderful at comforting me and treating me like the girl I feel like inside, but I just wanted to know if anyone else had other advice for this situation?
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A

If your inner you requires a transition, I think there isn't any permanent solution at all. After all, these feelings are caused by your mind clashing with reality, and the only way to avoid this without changing either is to avoid them clashing: fleeing reality. Some people take drugs and I fled in computers. There are more "healthy" ways to flee, and they aren't all bad initially. The problem is, those feelings require, to lose their effect, much more fleeing than can possibly achieved. And even to make them more or less bearable, for me at least, it still requires so much fleeing that, in the long run, il damages life, and meanwhile dysphoria just grows as a tumor.

So basically, you can do some occasional fleeing (dreaming, video game playing, reading, etc.) but you need a "main" solution, unless you want to be overcome by negative feelings or end up in a world that does not exist. You must change either your world - surrounding yourself with people who make you feel like who you truly are inside - or your body, through some kind of transition, be it medical or not, depending on the nature and intensity of your feelings, to match reality with yourself. Because, of course, you can't just "change" yourself on profound points such as this.

Both solutions are hard, but "there ain't no easy way 'ta happiness, ya know".
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VannaSiamese

I know this sounds horrible, but.... really the only time I feel dysphoric is around other women... I feel as if I'm being judged by them.  A lot of women seem fake to me and I take their insincerity a little personal at times. I just don't feel like I fit in very well with them, although I do identify with them.  I love hanging around guys, I could walk into a giant room of guys and I feel so happy, comfortable and carefree, but as soon as women start showing up then I begin to feel different.  This also makes me hate going into the women's bathroom... I know that they could never figure me out so I don't worry about that, I just constantly am thinking "please don't talk to me" while I'm in there.  I hate it so much that I walked in the mens restroom about a month ago and sat down... luckily nobody was in there or I might have gotten in trouble.  So I guess I love being a woman, but I just don't like other women =P

As far as how to deal with it... I try to force myself to engage in conversation with other girls.  Occasionally, I meet a girl who is actually very genuine and I'm glad we had a conversation =)
Another thing I do to take my mind off dysphoric feelings is to volunteer to do things.  I volunteer for several organizations and it keeps me busy, keeps my mind from thinking too much and makes me feel good inside.  I'd recommend it if you have spare time =)

Try not to let the sir thing get to you too much.  I know it's hard, and annoying... but you know who you are, and that's what counts.

Actually, Here is a funny story about pronouns.  I very rarely wear my hair down because it makes me feel boyish, because I wore my hair similar as a guy.  So, one morning I left the house with my hair down, and I remember thinking ughh this doesn't feel right. I felt sorta boyish, and began to think that others may see it.  So, I went to this new bagel stand that had opened up that day right by my office and ordered a bagel.  As the woman handed me my change I could have sworn she said "here you go sir." It mentally destroyed me...I hadn't been called sir in over 2 years.  I went back to the office, ate my bagel, and then  ended up leaving work, went home and started thinking Ok i'm going to detransition because of this one comment.  I actually felt angry towards the woman for calling me sir, and I remember thinking "i'll never go back to that place!" 
So, like 3 days later I was hungry and wanted a bagel.  I went back to the bagel shop, talked to the same woman and ordered a bagel.  I asked her to please put a lot of cream cheese on it because I was trying to gain weight.  She looked at me and said "well, why don't you just get pregnant then?  that always seems to work."  At that moment I realized that I made the whole thing up, my paranoia and neurosis caused me to misinterpret her and contemplate altering my entire life over something that never happened.  That was the day I realized just how pointless worrying about pronouns can be =)
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